To be fascinated by tidy people

[tangerinemagic]

I’m just not tidy. Nor is my husband. We try. Actually very hard. We have two young children and a dog but there is literally stuff everywhere, all of the time.

I live in London, so we naturally have many parent friends right on our doorstep and there is a ‘drop in’ culture where we might wrap up a playground or common trip and head to each others houses.

Ours is not fit for that kind of spontaneity but others fling open their doors at any time and it’s like no one even lives there.

when conversations come up about chores, cleaning, tidiness, I recoil. They really are extremely tidy people and with young kids. You can’t mistake walking into a tidy persons house, it just feels, different.

The floors and sofa/furniture in our house just don’t look like theirs, even if you have a whip round and tidy you can tell.

So, tidy people, tell me, how do you do it. What are the tips. Was this nurture growing up in a tidy household? Or something you learned? AIBU to be ashamed my pram, car, house is always in need of a clean.

Ah, she sounds like a top lass! I can identify with her hoover excitement 😉

I think there's probably only been 2-3 occasions over the years where I've needed to replace things I've thrown out.

Time yourself doing jobs. Example folding and tidying away the clean washing takes 7min, so next time you are tempted to put it off “until later” remind yourself “it’s only xxx min” and you are more inclined to just get things done.

I never used to bother cleaning up after DC when they played because my thinking was "They will just get everything out again anyway and I don't mind" - I can genuinely relax with toys all over the floor, I don't care. I just ignore it, if my focus is on the TV/my computer/my book etc it doesn't matter to me if it's messy.

However, one day as a bit of a mini project, I went through all their toys and properly consolidated them into sets, separated out sets which don't work if one bit is missing, (like board games are in boxes) and got rid of random stragglers that didn't belong to anything or were broken or outgrown or didn't work properly or were the wrong scale for the rest of the things or were the bit they constantly threw aside to get to the rest of it.

What surprised me was it literally instantly became much easier to tidy, and they also played with stuff much more and for longer, rather than only ever looking for the current favourite (usually whatever was newest) or whining for screen time.

I knew that it was frustrating that everything was mixed up, but I hadn't really noticed exactly what was happening as a result of this. What I hadn't realised was previously they would be looking for a specific part and in order to find it, they'd throw everything all over the floor and tip over boxes and stuff because they couldn't see what was in them. They don't do this any more. They just get the box of stuff they want and play with that, and if something is missing, it's fairly easy to look through other likely boxes and it usually turns up. The other thing I hadn't really noticed was happening was that they would also only ever be able to find part of any set before they got bored of looking, so they couldn't play with it properly, and that meant they would get bored with it really quickly and move on.

Once everything was sorted into sets with picture labels, they can see what they have and choose to get out the toy animals, or the cars, or the lego. When they have moved on from the cars to the lego, it's really obvious because there is a pile of cars, and a pile of lego - rather than one large, overwhelming pile containing various mixed toys. So then I can either tidy them up myself, which takes a couple of minutes because it's just cars in that pile, or I can get them to do it if I feel like they're in a cooperative mood and I'm happy to interrupt them.

Having a cleaner also makes you tidy up (or keep things tidy) as otherwise they come but they can’t do their job and so it’s a waste of money.

I think it’s something to do with your wiring! I never used to see mess - I just lived among piles of things and it never bothered me. But in my 30s, something sort of clicked and I now get irritated by clutter. Tidying up isn’t really a chore now, it’s a means to get to a more peaceful non cluttered evening. Can’t really explain it other than to say if there’s clutter in my eyeline, I can’t really relax properly.

I know this!!

Because I am an extremely messy person with extremely messy children who over the past year has started to figure it out. The neighbour was commenting on it the other day.

Your storage needs to be easier. Putting it away needs to be as low-effort as putting it down. Sounds ridiculously easy but blew my mind once I did that.

I have big plastic flower pots in the hallway for the kids to chuck their shoes in. The cupboard didn't work, those 5 inches were too much effort. I made hooks for all the schoolbags and then debris would accumulate under it. There is now a big shallow transparent box where they can just chuck out all their sport shoes/gloves/ when they are tidying their bag. I have a bin bag where I feed the pet because I used to just... not go to the bin in the room next door. On the floor. We have guests, I just throw that bag in the bin before I open the door. I put all the toys in same sized transparent cheap boxes. Put 2/3 in the loft. Then more. Now they manage to clean up. Don't give kids more toys than they can handle clutter. The toothbrushes ended up everywhere and in their rooms because they had to be on the sink, which apparently was too vague (!). Now I have a Etsy 3D printed toothbrush holder and it needs to be There. And so on.

I can now tidy so much easier! To a lower standard, sure, but tidy.

EDIT for clothes: I barely fold and rarely iron. I have boxes for underwear, socks, bras, pyjama's, undertops, tights. Just chuck it all in. I have a box for work tops that don't wrinkle. Next to it I have a small stack of work stuff that needs to be ironed before use. 95% of the time I grab something from the no wrinkle no harm box. Boxes I can do. Folding no can do.

Yes, I can imagine having a cleaner and knowing she is going to turn up to clean makes it easier to keep things tidy so that she can do a good job. I am never so good at doing a deep clean and tidy of my house as when I know I have visitors coming over! For me having a cleaner would probably make me more mindful of staying on top of things and, assuming she’s coming weekly, even if things slip for a few days they’re never going to slip for longer. When my ADHD or MH is bad or when works really hectic etc I can really struggle to stay on top of the housework and let it slide for weeks and then it’s so hard to get back on top of, I guess at least with a cleaner there’s always that deadline of her coming to put things back in order for.

There’s a woman of TikTok who does a series called “how long does it actually take” and this is something I employ. Particularly with my kids, I ask them how long they think it’ll take them to do their chores, we set that on the oven timer and then we laugh when they beat that time by a ridiculous amount.

We also sometimes calculate what percentage of the day we actually spent on cleaning / tidying. It’s tiny.

I am a terrible procrastinator but the idea of if it takes less than three minutes to do it immediately, do a job while you are waiting for something to finish, use timers and delayed starts to do things whilst you are sleeping (washing / drying ).

the organised mum method is brilliant, it gives you some good structure.

I'm very tidy by nature, I think. Although I did grow up with a DM who was very tidy, so maybe that's played a big part in it. DSis is also tidy. You'd never have thought she'd had 4 DC when visiting her house. Her adult DC are not tidy In their own homes though . No DC for me. My adult DN lives with me and she's not tidy. She's very respectful though, and isn't messy outside her room😂.

I don't leave things lying around. Everything is where it should be. I just do it automatically. Maybe tidy people do spend a little more time keeping up with things, but when your home is always tidy, it's not such an effort to continue in that way.

I can imagine it's not easy with children. There's actually something comforting about being in a home that's relaxed and a little untidy.

This. If you don’t like clutter you just naturally esure it never gets too much. Things like never walking past things on the stairs, or just putting things away is a bit second nature.

if you want to learn it I’d suggest trying to never walk past something that’s not where it should be…

I grew up in a filthy messy house and my ocd level tidiness and cleanliness is a reaction to that I think. I just put things away when I use them and tidy up after family members if they leave things out. If I cook I wash up and wipe down afterwards to reset the kitchen. I make the bed in the morning when I get up. Everything has a place. It’s second nature but it’s really just about respecting our living space and keeping it tidy and clean all the time.

Nope. We both work . DH is out 7.30 -6 and I’m out 8-4.

This a 100%

What is it that’s out ? If everything has a place, put it there!

Also this

im often told “just leave it and relax”. The two are mutually exclusive

You have to absolutely ruthless about decluttering and storage.
We have shoe storage cupboards in the hall which are very slimline and a coat hook/ shelf
Otherwise shoes would be tripped over and bags chucked on the floor.
Large washable rug
Woe betide anyone who leaves their shoes out

It's very simple to keep that tidy
Meal plan/ Ocado / bins emptied every evening, bin wiped .
Robot vacuum ( do not come at me with it gets stuck on things. Pick them up!)

Food is eaten at the table only so no food stains/ crumbs which makes every thing look grubby.
Clear,away straight after, wipe up
As I'm cooking I load dishwasher/ wipe down, once eaten dinner plates go in and dishwasher on.
DH unloads last thing.
Quick mop if messy

So you start every day with a clean tidy house.
After bathing DC , all bedrooms tidied, towels hung, clothes in laundry bin.
It takes minutes but if left it would be a huge task.
Personally I find dirty,messy houses depressing .
I grew up in a midden, it was awful

From Mumsnet last year, I took on board if I go into another room, I have to take an item with me from the room I am in and put it away. I recently had a tsunami of ironing as I got behind, so now if I go into the kitchen where the iron lives, I have to iron one item straight away... I reached the last item on Saturday but sadly I did a wash this morning, but I know I can do it.

I also took heart from Remi Clog on YouTube who is ND and her method is a timer... I do this and find I will go over the time, but because 10 or 15 mins does not sound long, I will give it a go.

I can't sit either but you say until your children are up, is this morning? I would have everything done from night before so nothing to do in morning...

Everything has a home, goes straight back there when it's used, nothing is kept without purpose, that's it pretty much

See I don't think this is true at all. For many people it's not that they don't mind the mess, it's that it's not obvious how to make tidying so simple that they can do it. For many it's the link between the feeling and the action that's hard. Because the steps demand too much decision-making power, or too many steps, or lack of correct storage makes the exercise impossible.

Most messy people I know would kill to have a mechanism that they can handle that leaves their house tidy.

Gosh yes, I do the ten minutes thing, I agree with myself that I will do something for ten minutes. When the timer goes off I am free to walk away. If I feel like it I reset it for another ten minutes and rinse and repeat.

The mechanism is :
1.create storage or get rid of excess stuff.
2.Put stuff away after use.
3.Keep it up.

Also I say to my (messy) other half when asked how i do it, “I don’t make the mess in the first place”. Put stuff away rather than down, cooking spils wiped up there and then.

I'm not sure you meant to reply to me - I didn't say anything about working?

Interesting. Perhaps I’m just aware that for my mental health I need to live in a clean and tidy environment. I guess I’ve gradually worked that out and worked out that keeping it like that is easier and better for me than letting it go then blitzing it