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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be fascinated by tidy people

788 replies

tangerinemagic · 25/08/2025 14:14

I’m just not tidy. Nor is my husband. We try. Actually very hard. We have two young children and a dog but there is literally stuff everywhere, all of the time.

I live in London, so we naturally have many parent friends right on our doorstep and there is a ‘drop in’ culture where we might wrap up a playground or common trip and head to each others houses.

Ours is not fit for that kind of spontaneity but others fling open their doors at any time and it’s like no one even lives there.

when conversations come up about chores, cleaning, tidiness, I recoil. They really are extremely tidy people and with young kids. You can’t mistake walking into a tidy persons house, it just feels, different.

The floors and sofa/furniture in our house just don’t look like theirs, even if you have a whip round and tidy you can tell.

So, tidy people, tell me, how do you do it. What are the tips. Was this nurture growing up in a tidy household? Or something you learned? AIBU to be ashamed my pram, car, house is always in need of a clean.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
NamechangeNightNurse · 25/08/2025 16:53

I read that tidy people see things as one task
Make tea, clear away teabags, milk, spoon in dishwasher
Untidy people -make tea

They leave teabags, milk, spoon out and bloody cupboard door open DH! as they see it as different tasks they will get to later but then don't and it builds up.

feelingsdrasticallychanged · 25/08/2025 16:55

Ahh @tangerinemagic my least favourite thing to talk about!

But here are my thoughts…

My house is currently a shit tip. Toys everywhere, dishes from dinner, bathrooms need doing, clothes need putting away/washing. The list is never ending.

It’s never usually like this though, it’s usually always ‘ready’ for unwelcome guests! However I have been unwell so it’s all gone to shit. It’s funny though because I HATE it being untidy, but then I have to admit I usually spend a ridiculous amount of my time cleaning and that also gets to me. I don’t really get to appreciate the cleanliness and tidyness because my children just undo it all within hours. So I’m constantly constantly catching up.

Basically I feel there is no middle ground with cleaning. It’s either really nice and clean/ tidy (due to continuous hard work keeping it that way) or…it’s shit.

I really would like a cleaner.

Hotflushesandchilblains · 25/08/2025 16:55

I wasnt tidy until I left home, now super tidy. Do it when you see it, have a tidy before you sit down or go up to bed. Put things back where they came from. If you do that as you go along, there is not much to be done to keep up with things.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 25/08/2025 16:58

NamechangeNightNurse · 25/08/2025 16:53

I read that tidy people see things as one task
Make tea, clear away teabags, milk, spoon in dishwasher
Untidy people -make tea

They leave teabags, milk, spoon out and bloody cupboard door open DH! as they see it as different tasks they will get to later but then don't and it builds up.

That's kind of how I see it too.

When I cook, for example, I see cleaning the sides, putting dishes to soak and washing up as one whole task, whereas DH will cook and then just leave everything for hours before he comes back to it or forgets.

snowynight · 25/08/2025 16:59

@SoScarletItWascan you share the reformed messy person thread? Unreformed messer here!

ChrisMartinsKisskam · 25/08/2025 17:01

my house is completely white as in white walls / skirting’s rooms doors windows bedrooms
this means it always looks clinically clean and bright and I touch up the paint work regularly which means it always looks fresh
I have white indoor french shutters on every window 😂
colours I get from bedding pictures flowers towels curtains and

I sweep and mop my floor every day
I always ensure the dishes are done at night before I go to bed I put them in the dishwasher as I go so no mess

I wipe down and clean my kitchen counters after I’ve cooked

I clean the shower while im showering and mop the floor with a towel when i get out and I wipe the bathroom sink daily and clean the toilet daily with some bleach gel - keep the bathroom window open at all times

I make my bed when I get up
i have a basket for dirty clothes
I put my clothes away if I’ve only worn them for a few hours I will put them back in the wardrobe

I have a few room sprays in my wardrobe that I use daily to keep the upstairs rooms fresh

I open the bedroom bathroom
windows and the patio doors every day

my sofa is good quality leather but has throws on it so I just shake and remake them daily
I have some really nice room sprays that I use

Vacum the stairs twice a week sometimes 3

Zezet · 25/08/2025 17:02

NamechangeNightNurse · 25/08/2025 16:53

I read that tidy people see things as one task
Make tea, clear away teabags, milk, spoon in dishwasher
Untidy people -make tea

They leave teabags, milk, spoon out and bloody cupboard door open DH! as they see it as different tasks they will get to later but then don't and it builds up.

I think this is true. It's an executive functioning problem. That's why I think so much advice that actually works for messy people are actually ways of reducing the amount of steps. For example my plates cupboard is next to the dishwasher because I used to take them out - but not put them in the cupboard on the other side of the kitchen. Two unrelated tasks in my brain. So now I made the closest-by place where I can put them, the place where they have to live.

Tink3rbell30 · 25/08/2025 17:06

The key is to have a big declutter first and make sure everything has a place.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 25/08/2025 17:07

PetiteBlondeDuBoulevardBrune · 25/08/2025 16:31

Q for the ones advising to de-clutter: don’t you end up buying new items that you previously owned? Or do you accept that out of say 10 items you get rid off, you might end up re-buying 1 but the cost is worth it for living in a tidier home?

If I haven't used it or needed for a year, I put a mental question mark over it. Once it gets to two years, I may get rid.

That said, I have jewellery, china and books that are a comfort blanket rather than something I use. Clothes however will go out if i haven't worn them because chances are I don't like them or they don't fit.

BertieBotts · 25/08/2025 17:07

PetiteBlondeDuBoulevardBrune · 25/08/2025 16:31

Q for the ones advising to de-clutter: don’t you end up buying new items that you previously owned? Or do you accept that out of say 10 items you get rid off, you might end up re-buying 1 but the cost is worth it for living in a tidier home?

Yes I do - consciously - and I find it incredibly revolutionary.

I think Marie Kondo was the first one to make me reconsider this - she says rather than keeping the item, why not see shops as being a giant storage unit, with an incredibly cheap price. DH illustrated this to me brilliantly a few months later when I complained about all the cables he was keeping. He went to Ikea, and bought a big plastic tub for €20 to keep them in. We do occasionally look through that tub for a cable, but the vast majority of the cables in that tub, we could replace for less than €5 on amazon. It is very rare that we actually go searching for a cable in that tub. It just lived on top of the kids' wardrobe, collecting dust, until we moved and now it is in a storage cupboard. We could have saved the €20, gained the space used by that big tub and not had the heavy thing which is hard to move and clean around, and replaced a cable 4x (which is certainly more often than we have used any cables from that tub in the last 7 years since he bought it).

The way she frames it is that the amount of money you would spend on a storage unit, or on higher rent/mortgage for a bigger house, is much more than the cost of replacing items when you need them later, rather than taking up so much (collective) space with things that you "might" use later.

Then secondly, Dana K White was another which made me reconsider this with her question, which I find genius - she says when tidying up - "If you wanted one of these, where in your house would you look for it first?" Then if you can't answer the question she says think realistically, whether you can't answer because it would never occur to you to look for this item in your house. This last one is SO true for me. I would keep a load of random scraps of ribbon, thinking it would be useful for crafts or presents or something. And then when I wanted to wrap a present or do a craft using ribbon, I would go to a shop and buy ribbon. It would never even occur to me to go looking for the other ribbons I had saved!

Or, I'd look for things (sellotape, batteries, whatever) and not be able to find them anywhere and end up having to re-buy them anyway.

So I think I was actually re-buying stuff much more often when the house was more cluttered, because I didn't know what I had.

The even bigger "level up" I found for this is that I re-bought some childhood books which I have no idea where they ended up but I didn't have them. So I bought new copies to read to the DC. I found that the nostalgia, the memories, were all there just the same. It didn't matter at all that it wasn't the exact copy that I had once owned myself. It literally didn't matter! I realised that everything I was holding onto from DS1 in case DS2 might want it (there is a ten year gap between them) I could let go of. Some things I sold, some I just gave away or donated, or threw away if it was trashed, but anything I wanted I could probably rebuy. If it isn't made any more, I can get a newer version, or look second hand.

Sometimes I do buy stuff that we used to have, and it's usually better - because it's in newer condition and hasn't been degrading quietly in a cupboard for years. I also feel confident in spending the money on the item, because I know that it will be something we will use and enjoy, rather than when you buy something you've never used before and don't know if it is really any good.

Obviously there are sentimental items which I still do keep, or things which would be difficult or expensive to replace, (though sometimes even expensive things are worth selling and then buying second hand later) but I am much less anxious about letting things go which we don't need at this moment, knowing that it will be highly likely I can get hold of another one in the future if I especially want to.

Poodlelove · 25/08/2025 17:08

Can you keep one room tidy ?
We put everything away at bedtime so it's nice when we wake up.
You can label boxes with pictures and the children can help before bed.

TammyJones · 25/08/2025 17:09

ChangingWeight · 25/08/2025 14:51

The two aren’t mutually exclusive, you nutter.

My parents used to be messy and I will never forget how embarrassed I was as a child/teen. The house was never tidy enough for guests to come over therefore I never had guests or sleepovers. Spontaneous visits from anyone just never happened so I missed out on a lot of core experiences, that I hope my children will experience instead. My parent’s house was gross to live in, they had dogs so the smell
and dog hair everywhere were not to be underestimated.

Regardless of my parents dying or not, I’m still going to remember them as messy people, and it did impact my life at the time. I might not remember a specific day where a specific cushion wasn’t straight, but I will remember the general unhappy sentiment.

thank you @ChangingWeight
I’m a naturally tidy person.
I find it easy - everything has a place, good storage, declutter as and when.
Housework, once through Ona Saturday , fold clothes / ironing watching tv.
My mil once said a house was living in ….,
but you can live in a house ( bring up your children , have fun, throw parties , have lots of toys, drink wine etc)
Its sad that tidy people are made to feel ‘wrong’ for Keeping a clean / tidy house.

Lemonyfuckit · 25/08/2025 17:10

I am a tidy person, but (maybe quite unusually?) I became one, it absolutely wasn’t my natural state. As a child my DM used to threaten to get a black bin bag out as a last resort to get me to finally tidy my bedroom - it was permanently a couldn’t see the floor for the mess type situation.

I only finally became ‘a tidy person’ when I met my now DH, who is tidy. When we started dating, as I was clearly on to a winner, he was round my flat more and more regularly, and it just became too stressful having to frantically tidy up (read shove everything under the bed/in the cupboard) every single time he came round, so the lesser of two evils / it was finally just easier to keep it tidy as a more permanent state.

I think the only knack is little and often, put things away as soon as you’re done with them. I 100% recognise that’s a million times harder with kids (and slightly less joyful? Definitely less relaxed…). Have a bit less stuff if you can, and a place for everything. Much easier to be tidy if you have room and a place to put stuff away. But don’t be a martyr to it - I do sometimes fall into the trap of thinking I’ll have a sit down and a rest once all my ‘jobs’ are done and honestly the to do list is never complete, so I’m working on reframing that as a work in progress type thing, and getting more into the mindset of I’ll have a sit down and a rest once I’ve done a couple of things, not all of them.

MounjaroMounjaro · 25/08/2025 17:11

Lazygardener · 25/08/2025 14:43

Good advice from all the tidy folk. But…..on your deathbed will your dying wish be that your cushions were all straight, or that your kids remember a happy childhood? Not saying a tidy house = an unhappy family, but just wondering how important tidiness is. Must go now, can’t find my keys again. If only I had a tidy place to put them😊

No, but you might wish you'd been able to have friends call in, that you could relax in your house knowing it wouldn't give you a heart attack if someone knocked at the door!

CreepyCoupe · 25/08/2025 17:13

We tidy throughout the day and don't have any clutter. It takes no time if there's a place for everything.

DitzyDerbyBabe86 · 25/08/2025 17:13

I agree with he one touch rule. It just makes sense. I am an extremely tidy person (not a brag, a just am, always have been). I managed to keep my house tidy when the kids were young, mainly because I can’t settle with mess! They’re older now and help out which is great. It is do able. You’ve just got to find the motivation!

CoffeeLipstickKeys · 25/08/2025 17:15

Have a lot of storage
have a cleaner
Do an hour a night both take a room to whizz round
Do a deep clean once year and bag up for charity shop - get BHF to collect
Lot of storage in kids rooms, so can quickly throw toys in a trunk
TBH out the house all day at work and kids at nursery , so not much opportunity to get too messy

ChangingWeight · 25/08/2025 17:15

TammyJones · 25/08/2025 17:09

thank you @ChangingWeight
I’m a naturally tidy person.
I find it easy - everything has a place, good storage, declutter as and when.
Housework, once through Ona Saturday , fold clothes / ironing watching tv.
My mil once said a house was living in ….,
but you can live in a house ( bring up your children , have fun, throw parties , have lots of toys, drink wine etc)
Its sad that tidy people are made to feel ‘wrong’ for Keeping a clean / tidy house.

Exactly! It’s silly for the PP to insinuate children will be missing out because your house is tidy, as if to say their needs aren’t being met.

nellly · 25/08/2025 17:18

So really you’d need a week off work to start lol.

I grew up in a cluttered messy house and it’s given me life long
mess avoidance issues. My house is tidy and clean the surfaces are always clear and wiped but it’s easy to keep on top of if you see what I mean. Quick wipe after breakfast and dishes straight into the dishwasher then it’s all sorted.

it’s really hard to get on top of once it all gets out of control.

bumblebramble · 25/08/2025 17:19

The Tidy People ™that I know tidy all the time. Their eyes rove over surfaces, and they deal with things immediately. They never leave a room without something in their hand. They straighten their cushion when they stand up.

I’ve tried, but it feels like I’m a short step from the lunatic asylum when I’m trying to stay alert and focused like that. I also start to seriously resent my family. And pets.

Full disclosure: I have adhd which definitely complicates the matter because my brain is always focusing on the next thing, and the future. If Tidy Person takes a scissors out of a drawer to open a package of pasta, she will put the scissors back and then close the drawer before pouring the contents of the package in the saucepan.

My adhd brain is focused on the pouring in part, and doesn’t instinctively do those back steps. If you add more complexity - measuring the pasta, or disposing of the wrapper, - it adds up to a lot more mess.

I’ve learned to allow a few minutes to look around and tidy at the end of an activity, And it’s like that scene in Sixth Sense where all the kitchen cabinets are open. I literally have not noticed the scissors, or the drawer, or the measuring container, or the empty wrapper or the 4 stirring spoons and the dropped tea towel until I stop and look, and I’ve already forgotten how they got there.

The key imo is not to try to be a Tidy Person or copy their methods. And for heaven sake never copy their storage systems Clutterbug. If you walked into my house you’d probably mistake me for a Tidy Person, but I have completely different methods to maintain a tidy house (which is a more achievable goal)

I can’t just notice and automatically do - or repeat small tasks over and over and over. I need to create a runway to get my energy plane off the ground, and keep up momentum when I do. I can’t form habits, but I can establish non negotiable commitments.

Basically any time someone’s advice starts with “just” I know it’s probably not meant for people like me

If you’re just trying to fill a gap in your childhood training, that’s great, but trying to force yourself into patterns of behaviour that aren’t in sync with how you operate is demoralising. It can be incredibly helpful to read a thread like this with a curious approach, wondering (without shame) why that doesn’t work for me, so you can figure out what will.

Home - Clutterbug

Meet Cassandra Aarssen and learn all about the 4 different Clutterbug Organizing Styles as featured on HGTV's Hot Mess House.

https://clutterbug.me

GreenTurtles3 · 25/08/2025 17:19

OP go easy on yourself. Life with little kids is relentless so rest whilst you can. Mine are all school age now and my house is still chaos (not dirty but it's obvious we all live here!). Genuine friends won't judge your worth in how tidy your house is!

Thepollenjar · 25/08/2025 17:19

OP I’m a tidy person as is my DH. But we hardly ever actually “tidy”. Everything has a place and so it just goes back in its place. Shoes in shoe rack. Dry laundry folded into baskets then straight into drawers. Shopping put away once in the door. My work bag has a place. Everything has a place. I can’t understand untidy systems! For me it’s not about being house proud but needing a calm space around me. It’s much easier to then clean when things are put away. I also have constant daily lists of stuff to get done, including laundry on, admin tasks etc. It comes down to having systems.

Nanny0gg · 25/08/2025 17:20

Imisschampagne · 25/08/2025 14:55

Maybe they have a cleaner? My friends with spotless apartments have cleaners at least twice a month

Cleaners are supposed to clean, not tidy

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 25/08/2025 17:21

ChangingWeight · 25/08/2025 17:15

Exactly! It’s silly for the PP to insinuate children will be missing out because your house is tidy, as if to say their needs aren’t being met.

Totally agree with this.
I have four children and our house was always tidy.

As soon as the babies were in bed (6.30pm) the older two helped by putting the toys away, while DH washed up.

Everything was hung up or put away before we all went to bed.

I can't abide mess, but our DC had plenty of toys and games.

OP you need to be organised. Don't leave things lying around. Ruthlessly throw things away that are useless!