To be fascinated by tidy people

[tangerinemagic]

I’m just not tidy. Nor is my husband. We try. Actually very hard. We have two young children and a dog but there is literally stuff everywhere, all of the time.

I live in London, so we naturally have many parent friends right on our doorstep and there is a ‘drop in’ culture where we might wrap up a playground or common trip and head to each others houses.

Ours is not fit for that kind of spontaneity but others fling open their doors at any time and it’s like no one even lives there.

when conversations come up about chores, cleaning, tidiness, I recoil. They really are extremely tidy people and with young kids. You can’t mistake walking into a tidy persons house, it just feels, different.

The floors and sofa/furniture in our house just don’t look like theirs, even if you have a whip round and tidy you can tell.

So, tidy people, tell me, how do you do it. What are the tips. Was this nurture growing up in a tidy household? Or something you learned? AIBU to be ashamed my pram, car, house is always in need of a clean.

I don't think more storage is the answer, to be honest. I tried this and just ended up with more Stuff. Being able to visualise how it should be is the trick (someone suggested this upthread). When I was working I used to have to organise photoshoots and I know from experience that if ANYTHING is out of place, it becomes the focus of the photograph. I therefore tidy as if preparing for a photoshoot. Everything put away, everything that's visible in its place. Since I live alone, I can't blame anyone else ('I've told that cat not to leave his knitting on the sofa!' won't work) and any dirt is mine. I'm not perfect by any means but I try to get the place completely tidy and clean enough before I go to bed. If someone's going to be visiting, I clean the bathroom the day before because you never know who's going to ask to use the loo.

But it's work in progress. That's it.

.

Yes, I agree, and while no one needs “show home” levels of tidiness and cleanliness, I think most children actually do appreciate having a calm and tidy environment. People often have memories of very untidy homes, and these memories are not fond memories!!

I just got home from a weekend away. Having a short break after a long trip home but soon I will get a podcast one and tackle the suitcases. Being on top of things helps me maintain sanity. Literally.

Every time you move you put something away.
Eg - don’t go upstairs without carrying something up AND put it away. Or leave the lounge and take your cup AND put it in the dishwasher. Or toys get put away before the next toy comes out.

It takes minimal effort. But if you don’t all do it, and teach your kids to do it, you’ll end up
living in a tip.

I also have ADHD and tidying and cleaning just doesn't motivate me. I don't care enough. I have loads of books - and I'm happy with that - and too much stuff generally, but I'm not a hoarder and regularly declutter. I moved house a few years back and when I first moved in I made a real effort to actually hoover (I hate it) and generally keep the place okay. It was such a relief to get a promotion that meant I could get a cleaner once a fortnight.

Stuff that works for me that might help you, OP:

• Give up all idea of selling stuff, just consider the monetary loss as smaller than the cost of the time and energy it would take to sell it. If you don't want a thing, give it away and forget it. Enjoy the freedom.
• Do regular small declutters - e.g. try on all your t-shirts and give away anything you're not sure about, which doesn't fit, or you actively don't like.
• Time jobs you hate but which have to be done - e.g. washing up a sink full of dishes is much quicker than you expect. Then you can tell yourself I'm only washing up for five minutes and be pleasantly surprised by how much you get done.
• Outsource things you really can't stand - get someone else to hoover and do something they hate, or get a cleaner.
• Give yourself a handful of things you insist on doing every day - making the bed, picking kids' crap off the floor in one room, washing up, whatever. That's your red line and means it won't get completely out of hand.

I know everyone on here is well-meaning and answering the OP's question, but I think if you are struggling and aren't a naturally tidy person, then you're not going to magically become disciplined or develop sufficient executive function to become one. Mind you, having said all that, I'm off to read that reformed messy thread!

I’ve just always got better things to do than tidy so just lowered standards for myself.

I'm a really tidy person but don't have kids so not comparing like for like. However, i would say it's almost entirely instinctive. I love to have a clear space and actively enjoying tidying up and restoring a sense of peace - especially after small children visit. FWIW I never judge anyone who is less tidy - in fact I often think other people's homes feel a lot cosier than mine.

"Untidy clutter and dirty are two very different things. I dont mind clutter but the house must be clean."

Maybe because I live in a major metro area with a lot of traffic and pollution and air quality issues, but I find clutter makes for both dirt and major dust in the home. A lot of people around here have asthma and dust is a huge trigger for it. I consider it as unhealthy in its way as dirt.

OP has 3 prams, a bike, and a sofa in her entry and other stuff. How do you really clean there?

Never leave a room empty handed.

Never go upstairs without taking something up.

Don't put things down twice - don't put it on the arm of the sofa when it could go in the cupboard if you used your legs.

Ensure the kids have their chores.

Choose one day to do a deep clean. I have tidy Friday. House is bottomed on a Friday. Shopping done and away before a treat tea and wake up Sat morning with it all done. Then just do the daily to keep on top before bottoming again the next week.

In terms of tips I would say that having a specific place where everything belongs makes tidying a lot easier.

if it’s not obsessive cleaning then I’m not sure why the two can’t co exist. People who are bonkers about it being clean, it’s not usually really about cleaning so the cause of an unhappy childhood isnt the cleaning, the cleaning is a symptom of how that parents mental stuff manifests itself. So my mum was unhappy and resentful so she’d clean and hoover really loudly if I wasn’t uk early, she resented me having a lie in. She also got her I here t value out of having a clean house, I don’t but I do have a clean house. Husband and I don’t have that resentment or unhappiness so we are happy to wait til the teenager wakes and aren’t banging round the house in a passive aggressive fury.

You most likely have too much stuff. Your house will never look tidy when you have too much stuff because half of it you don't (or very rarely) use, which means it is a dust magnet, and things get lost, so you end up buying more things and it all becomes very chaotic and it's impossible to put everything away to a point where it looks nice. Then cleaning is an effort because you have to move things to clean, or there are just more things to clean so it takes forever. So you dread/avoid it and let it build up, so things are harder to clean and take even longer when you get to them and you never get around to doing the more obscure jobs, like wiping down door frames and light switches, unless you happen to be standing near it one day and notice, so you get used to it looking sort of drab and half arsed.

I am not naturally tidy, grew up in a messy house, not particularly arsed about things being tidy and I don't think my house is (or will ever be) as tidy/clean as a tidy person's, but I did reform a bit by listening to people who are also reformed messy people or who have helped a lot of them and REALLY understand their psyches - Dana K White (A Slob Comes Clean) and Marie Kondo are the main players for me, but Sort Your Life Out is helpful too with the whole zones thing, Clutterbug is intriguing too - I think she also does zones - and I did a bit of FLYlady back in the day, although find her too twee and fussy now.

The biggest 100% biggest difference is always when I go through and clear out a load of STUFF. It helped when we moved countries, it helped when I did Marie Kondo, it helped when I did Dana's decluttering book and then it helped when we moved to a larger place which fitted our family better, although we've been here a year, and I need to have another big clearout because I haven't been maintaining my regular habit of getting stuff out/being conscious about the stuff that I keep.

When we have less it's easier to keep it cleaner. I will never be a minimalist, and that concept always put me off "decluttering" before because I thought you are supposed to throw out all your stuff, but I do definitely feel a benefit of having just my favourite options in each category of things, rather than having access to every possible option at all times, which I like in theory, but in practice is a bit too much to keep track of.

Both my DH and I are tidy and we moved to a smaller home recently so everything is always put away. When my DC were small they would have their toys out, but once they went to bed everything would be packed away. No I am not always tidying and I sit down - too much if I’m honest. I just keep on top of things, hate living in clutter. I have to sit on my hands if if go to a house where things are all over the place

If you get things tidy keeping it that way is not a big deal, its getting to a tidy state to begin with is the key

What’s the one touch rule?

I do a version of the Swedish Death Clean every year. If I haven't worn it, read it or used it for a year, out it goes. I iron clothes and hang them up immediately. Dishes get put away once cleaned. Nothing is left lying in rooms. It's easy because I live alone. I can't abide clutter. I tend to tidy at the adverts on tv, so three minutes will empty the dishwasher or load it. Three minutes will make a bed or strip it. It's surprising how much you can get done while being a tv watching sloth

I know from bitter experience that the worst thing you can do is waste time scrolling on mumsnet when you could otherwise be tidying up! 😂

It's impossible to relax in a messy environment for me. So there's nothing to be gained by sitting down when there's tidying to do. I'd just be sitting there stressed!

Same with all the shite in your hallway. It'd stress me. So I don't come through the door, dump my stuff to deal with never later and sit down. I come through the door and put things away. Children have to learn the world doesn't revolve around them and whatever they want or need can wait 5min while I put things away.

If you tidy up regularly it does only take 5min. If everywhere is tidy, cleaning is a matter of picking up the duster/spray/vacuum/mop and getting on with it. If you've to spend an hour tidying up first of course you then don't have time to clean. You're sabotaging yourself by not tidying up.

Everything is tidied before I go to bed. I wake up to a tidy house. All items are put away after I've finished using them. Whether that's children's craft supplies, that Amazon parcel that arrived or the laundry I've just brought in off the line. If you deal with everything right away, it's only ever a little bit. It's leaving it to build up that causes the problem and suddenly you need to find a solid two hours to tidy and clean in order to look like you've achieved anything.

Have a shoe rack and coat hooks. Then use them! If there's too many shoes and coats, declutter some. Unpack bags right away when you come in and put items where they need to go.

Wash up or load dishwasher after eating and wipe down worktops and table, then sit down afterwards.

If children have finished playing, toys straight back into the box/cupboard etc. Too many toys to fit, declutter some.

Sort your outfit in advance before the event, so you're not rushing and have time to rehang the reject clothes straight away.
If you're spending too long choosing, have a uniform that you wear for everyday.
Eg for summer I wear dresses. 10 dresses, pick one, when it's dirty it goes into the washing basket and once a week they're washed.
Winter it's jeans, 5 pairs all in the same style/colour and one of 8 jumpers, due to the bulky nature the laundry basket sometimes gets full before the week is up, so its done then.
Spring/autumn is 2 skirts, 3 different pairs of jeans in various styles and 15 tops that will match with all of them - if it won't then I don't buy it. There's no decisions to be made about what goes with what, I just grab something clean.

Laundry folded and put away as soon as it's done. Or hung out as soon as the washer is finished. I put a load on before breakfast, hang it out before work, fetch it in once home again and put away while dinner cooks.

All dishes done before bed, left to dry overnight and put away in the morning before breakfast.

Beds made when you get out of them.

Clean your floors minimum weekly or more often if you've got pets. Clean up spills right away.

Regular routines, fairly big house, plenty of storage, dishwasher, utility room and a weekly cleaner. Very tidy husband brought up in an extremely tidy family. A place for everything. No pets. Naturally Monica Gellerish tendencies. And having grown up with none of the above, a pathological fear of my own house looking anything like my mother's!

My mum is cleaner than Hyacinth Bucket.

It has skipped a generation let me tell you.

Sitting down is fatal op.

I had 3 under 2 and I don't know how I did but my house was much tidier when they were small.

They are 17, 18 and 19 now and well, no chance.

Don't sweat it.

you can see jokes about putting laundry away going round.

I don't understand it. If you have dry laundry, why not putting it away there and then? It takes a few minutes, then it's out of your head and everything is easy to find. I run a load or 2 first thing in the morning, it dries during the day, fold and put away in the evening - usually bath time or around the time I make diner if it pre-heat the oven or something.

Parents were tidy . I guess it’s what I’m used to. I was a messy teen and so were my DC. I just shut the door on their rooms. I’m not fastidious but I just put things away. After dinner, everything is either washed up or in the dishwasher, surfaces are wiped. I sweep the kitchen floor daily. In the bathroom I have cupboards( under sink and around the boiler ) so all toiletries are away apart from shower/ soap etc.

I’m tidy and lazy, basically I tidy/clean as I go and with my goal being that when I sit down there is nothing left to do.
Your example of coming home, my kids will abandon shoes, water bottles etc in the hallway but I’ll grab everything straightaway, put the shoes away along with mine, water bottle straight into the dishwasher, wash hands, then empty my handbag in the box in the hallway where I keep keys/tissues etc, empty shopping bags, remove tags from newly purchases items, on the stairs for items that go upstairs, put the rest away where it goes on the ground floor. Then I sit down.
Same after bath time when they were younger: I would seat the kids in bumbo seats with a toy while I rinsed the tub etc, basically I wouldn’t leave the bathroom until it was tidy. Then bedtime: tidy the room before saying goodnight.

My house growing up was quite messy and so was my bedroom, but as I’ve got older mess makes me quite stressed. That’s my motivation, to create a nicer looking environment which is more pleasing and calming. I’m not neurotic about it though, I have 2 kids back from uni, one who is worryingly messy a primary school child, dog, husband and full time job not working at home.
once you’ve got routines it doesn’t take too long. Time it and you’ll see it doesn’t have to be overwhelming.

Never leave a room empty handed… my mum used to say this and it has served me well. There is always something that needs putting away, washing up up or dumping. I do
it without thinking, oils the cogs. I see friends come in dump a bag say and then somebody else dumps another one, the mail gets dumped on that and then somebody’s jacket etc, this is how it starts. I always unpack my bag, sort my nail, hang my jacket up all without thinking. My house is mostly tidy, most of the time.

I make myself keep on top of it all, hoover every second day, washing up in the dishwasher, washing as and when.
of I don’t then home quickly resembles Stig of the dump