To be fascinated by tidy people

[tangerinemagic]

I’m just not tidy. Nor is my husband. We try. Actually very hard. We have two young children and a dog but there is literally stuff everywhere, all of the time.

I live in London, so we naturally have many parent friends right on our doorstep and there is a ‘drop in’ culture where we might wrap up a playground or common trip and head to each others houses.

Ours is not fit for that kind of spontaneity but others fling open their doors at any time and it’s like no one even lives there.

when conversations come up about chores, cleaning, tidiness, I recoil. They really are extremely tidy people and with young kids. You can’t mistake walking into a tidy persons house, it just feels, different.

The floors and sofa/furniture in our house just don’t look like theirs, even if you have a whip round and tidy you can tell.

So, tidy people, tell me, how do you do it. What are the tips. Was this nurture growing up in a tidy household? Or something you learned? AIBU to be ashamed my pram, car, house is always in need of a clean.

I have two DC and am very tidy. Constant mess makes me feel anxious! I don’t sit down as much as I’d like, but I don’t like sitting down surrounded by mess and clutter!

I never understood people who said they couldn't use the toilet without DC in the room either. That's literally what playpens were invented for, surely? To keep DC safe whilst you went off to do something for a few minutes.

Yes. I used to have DD in the playpen.

I think there is a difference between being clean and being tidy. With kids one is important and the other difficult.

I clean and tidy the kitchen whilst the kettle is boiling. Including using a stick hoover and spray mop. The dogs are in the kitchen so this is "important".

I tidy the living room while watching TV. When the children were little we used to do a "quick whizz" during the adverts - one made tea, one put clean dishes away, one put washing on etc, then the next advert something else or chip away at a job. It was fun.

I make my bed everyday as this instantly makes the start of the day successful and I like coming back into a room with a made bed.

You may feel the need to rest a lot because you are overwhelmed. There is a book called How to Keep House While Drowning, which is a nice book.

So glad I’m not alone. Thanks for sharing in a sea of tidy people.

If you do have ADHD, no amount of handy tips and hearing how others do it will help. I've heard good things about a slob comes clean, you could also use the pomodoro technique.

Yes, I'm quite old now.
🤣

Why not just get a life 🤣🤣🤣

Incredibly insightful, thank you. Maybe I will get diagnosed and try medication as I do feel quite down about myself at the moment. I have private healthcare so will explore than option or just pay to go privately as it’s quite a priority for me after reading this.

I have a tidy house and car and keep it that way by “little and often” and just cleaning and tidying as I go rather than leaving it and needing to spend special time doing it. It takes barely any time to take rubbish out of the car every journey or clear away cups and plates after a meal or snack etc. If you have a place for evetything and everything in its place it takes a lot less wasted time trying to find things etc.

I want to know too!

I personally cannot sit down and relax until the house is tidy and clean. I tidy up as we go along, whether that’s cooking and loading the dishwasher or emptying clothes drier and immediately sorting and putting away. I’m ruthless with taking stuff to the charity shop/tip regularly and avoid clutter.

I am organised in my storage and with the kids rooms so that they can find things easily and be organised themselves now they are older. My car is also usually tidy despite driving around teenagers, it’s just easier to empty out rubbish and feels nicer to drive - I know I sound mad here!!

I think an awful lot of people are not naturally tidy but they make an effort to ensure their environment is tidy as it improves their mental health and stress levels….I know from myself my mind is calmer, I’m more positive and even feel more energetic and motivated when my environment is tidy and organised

Cards. I write down all the stuff I want to achieve on colour-coded cards (jobs around the house, things I want to do with the kids, self-care stuff). Then I'll challenge myself to do 5 cards from the chores pile followed by two things with the kids, and then two items of self-care.

For example, the chores might be "Hoover the hallway", "Clean the sink", "Chuck 5 items away", "Sort one upstairs drawer out", "Hang out the washing", "Check the swim stuff is sorted" or "Lay out clothes for the week". I let myself choose the ones I want to do, but I move the ones I've done to the back of the pile if they're not everyday ones like doing washing or the dishwasher.

Stuff with the kids might be "read together", "play a boardgame", "go for a walk" or "do some baking". Again, I move the ones that we've done to the back of the pile.

Self-care might be "read a book", "have a bath", "listen to some music" or even "drink a glass of water very slowly".

I have ADHD and so have trouble establishing and embedding consistent routines, and I become bored and overwhelmed easily. But I find visual methods helpful in staying on track. I don't always manage to do everything that needs to be done at the ideal time (for instance, I can go a couple of days without realising that the kitchen surfaces need a clean, or getting round to hoovering the kitchen), but at least it's on my radar and I don't lose sight of the long-term organisational things that will actually make a big difference (e.g. sorting and getting rid of the kids' old clothes) because I'm so stressed by the everyday mess. And I find reminding myself to do stuff with the kids and to take some time for myself stops me from feeling frazzled and inadequate as a parent. I might not manage to read daily with my DC, for instance, but the cards system at least reminds me to take some time to do something with them every day and to assign this the same value as doing chores without the chores being neglected and the house getting even worse and us all more stressed.

I was starting from a very low bar though, and my house was probably a lot worse than yours.

I am a very tidy person and it comes naturally to me, as it did my mother. However, I wonder what kind of house you have, OP? My former home was a new-build and looked spotless all of the time, like a showhome. My current home is Georgian and although lovely, has its flaws! It’s just a lot harder to make it look pristine, because it’s old and in need of a bit of work.

Im single and live alone. So if I put something down it is right where I left it next time I need it. I was also a librarian in my youth and its a profession which teaches you to put things in the correct places. Needless to say all my books are filed in order. All my important papers are filed into folders abd I work through a list of tasks each day. Its important to me to be in control. I hate it when anyone disturbs or distracts me. I am a planner and always have a backup plan.

Ooo I like this gamification of chores! I have a day off today, might try it 👏

Do you think? Our home is early Victorian and very tidy. It’s got a lot of character for sure, but our belongings are very minimal and everything is cosy but tidy.

We also had an old Edwardian house in London, and it was always neat and tidy.
It looked lovely!
I miss that house.........

@Friendlygingercat do you file your books according to Dewey?

no you’re just jumping to conclusions. They don’t interrupt conversations and you are being rude.

Just came back to say that after reading this thread, I’ve been trying to behave like a “tidy person” instead of “a person who tidies constantly,” and while my home looks much better, I have found that I am just spending a lot more time and energy on cleaning/tidying tasks “as I go” instead of just in infrequent bursts, and I am very tired at the end of the day.

I think some people must create mess in their wake as I am very tidy but also very lazy. My house remains tidy, I don’t think about tidying constantly, and I’m definitely not exhausted from tidying all the time.

The only mess in the house at the moment is my son’s toys out that he is currently playing with, and the dishes from the early dinner we ate today. I’m going to wash those now while he plays. There might be a small pot, bowl and spoon later if he wants a bowl of porridge for supper before bed. Other than that, what mess could there be on an average evening?

He will tidy his own toys away before bed and when he goes for his bath I’ll throw his nursery clothes in the machine with a load of other things.

What I am figuring is that “tidy people” subconsciously clean “as they go,” and it doesn’t occur to them that they are actually cleaning throughout the day. They’ll say things like “I hardly do any cleaning/tidying” and give drastic underestimations for how long it takes to do cleaning/tidying tasks. They don’t connect cleaning/tidying tasks to their energy levels at the end of the day.

Whereas “people who tidy” have to expend conscious effort to do any sort of cleaning/tidying, whether they do it “as they go” or in bursts. They might overestimate how much time cleaning/tidying tasks take, and definitely connect it to their energy levels at the end of the day.

Edited to include examples: Like I could do dishes in 2-5 minute spurts throughout the day, or I could spend 20 minutes after dinner doing the day’s worth of dishes. I could remind myself to put things away as I use them and tidy up after DD throughout the day, or I could spend 30-45 minutes tidying the whole house after she’s gone to bed. Either way, things doing dishes and picking up after myself/DD is tiring for me and I feel like they’re never ending tasks.

Aaaaargh!😂
It's so difficult to explain to messy people.

The task is completed fully, it takes seconds to just do it properly.
It's the same amount of effort to hang up a coat rather than chuck it on a chair
To put the tea in the cupboard or put it on the work top
To put bread, cheese, butter away rather than put it on the worktop -exactly the same time or energy

Now add up all the discarded coats, bags, shoes for a family x 4
They leave out the teabags, cheese etc, don't pick up and put away things -a book goes on the floor not the bookcase.
It will take half a day for it to look like a bombsite
It's depressing and draining
Where do you start?

You also need to cook, try to clean, need to do laundry but you feel overwhelmed already by the mess so those tasks feel harder.
So you don't do them.

In contrast I can whip round and clean properly and quickly because everything is clear
It's not so onerous.
Robot vac whizzes round every day
The floors are clear