To be fascinated by tidy people

[tangerinemagic]

I’m just not tidy. Nor is my husband. We try. Actually very hard. We have two young children and a dog but there is literally stuff everywhere, all of the time.

I live in London, so we naturally have many parent friends right on our doorstep and there is a ‘drop in’ culture where we might wrap up a playground or common trip and head to each others houses.

Ours is not fit for that kind of spontaneity but others fling open their doors at any time and it’s like no one even lives there.

when conversations come up about chores, cleaning, tidiness, I recoil. They really are extremely tidy people and with young kids. You can’t mistake walking into a tidy persons house, it just feels, different.

The floors and sofa/furniture in our house just don’t look like theirs, even if you have a whip round and tidy you can tell.

So, tidy people, tell me, how do you do it. What are the tips. Was this nurture growing up in a tidy household? Or something you learned? AIBU to be ashamed my pram, car, house is always in need of a clean.

My BF is super tidy. She ruthlessly throws absolutely everything away and she literally never stops.

It a spectrum, there is a middle ground, in extreme cases Adhd is Ocd's cousin.

My MIL was like this. They had a house full of beautiful antiques inherited from his family. FIL came home one day it was almost all gone. A man had knocked on the door asking if she had any furniture to sell. She said yes come back with a big van.

I’d say I’m quite tidy, someone could pop round and it wouldn’t concern me, but there’s loads of signs of life and kids living here too.
I never leave plates or an untidy kitchen for long, always wiping down worktops. I fly hoover round most days and sinks and bathrooms always clean.
my 11 year old seems to collect stuff wherever he goes so every day or two I’ll scoop it all up and put it in his room.
i grew up in a really untidy house. I was always embarrassing to bring friends over, I think this is why I’m the opposite to my Mum.
My garage is a bit of a mess though.

I don't have possessions I don't actively use or feel really attached to. I have good Sto rage but that's partly because ii don't have loads of stuff I don't need. I tidy up as I go. I live with my partner and 2 dogs in a 2 bed 1 bath bungalow. Our house d garden and 2 outbuildings are tidy at all times. Neither of us can stand a lot of mess.

I’m inexplicably overly attached to items and it’s a wrench to throw out but I do it to maintain order

If you hate it that much,why don't you get a cleaner? To keep a house clean doesn't take up that much time. Clean as you go along and don't sit down after every little task like taking the kids out to the park,etc
Sorry to say but you sound very lazy!!
I don't spend that much time cleaning and I am sat here writing this. I've cleaned the kitchen straight after dinner before sitting down and I have the rest of the evening to myself and my husband.

There is, it's called Elvanse

I grew up in a very tidy house so for me it’s the default. It’s obviously harder now with a baby but I physically can’t relax if there’s too much clutter about, it makes me so anxious. My husband grew up in a very cluttered house and has swerved in the opposite direction! We have a cleaner every two weeks but mostly its a case of clearing out on the semi regular to make sure we don’t have too much crap.

Sorry to say but you sound very lazy!!

Peak Mumsnet.
Don't hold back!
🤣

I am a private house cleaner and also have OCD! So cleaning comes natural to me. I grew up with a mum that was very house proud and also one set of my grandparents were the same always a clean and tidy house. I have 2 teens that are very messy leaving clothes and rubbish everywhere so I bought hampers for them to put dirty clothes in Small waste bins with a bin bag in so easy to empty rubbish and they are kept in their rooms , I do washing every other day to keep washing loads down , once dried folded and put away . When mine were little I found getting them to help put toys alway in big tubs or storage boxes with lids helped. De cluttering is a good way to keep on top of things , if not needed get rid of it. I have a pet dog so I have to vac and mop daily.
bathrooms I tend to do every time shower is used but toilet gets wiped daily and also sink from toothpaste splashes. If everything has a place you will find that giving a quick vacuum around will keep it feeling clean and tidy, same as mopping. I always tend to clean kitchen as I go along especially if I’m cooking as it keeps it tidy. I also polish daily

all I can say is do a little each day and set yourself a task each day of cleaning eg bathroom then nxt day bedrooms and so on. Once you start to get it all under control you will want to keep it that way. Good luck hope you manage to conquer getting there❤️

This is very true actually. I was listening to a podcast the other day and they were saying that research has found hoarding disorder is actually a type of OCD. It's funny (not haha) because when you think OCD, most people would think of obsessively clean and tidy, but it can go totally the opposite way because with hoarding, the compulsion is to rescue things from being wasted.

There is an overlap between hoarding behaviour and ADHD but it's like someone said upthread - the person with ADHD usually wants to get rid of stuff but gets overwhelmed by all the steps of it or trying to perfectionise it. You can be a hoarder and also have ADHD, but most people with ADHD who struggle with mess are more "accidental hoarders" (which is a great phrase!)

When I had my ADHD diagnosis I did also flag up for OCD and the doctor didn't look into it, she said she felt my OCD flags were just coping mechanisms I'd used to try and manage my ADHD. I wonder about it sometimes but it's not generally bad enough for me to seek any further information.

ADHD is weird in that it is a disorder of extremes - some people are extremely messy and disorganised and can't get on top of it whereas others need to have everything organised so tightly because that is their coping mechanism.

Someone mentioned Mounjaro and with eating it's the same - some people with ADHD can't stop binge eating or stick to a diet. I have the opposite where (unmedicated) I lose track of time and forget to eat a proper meal until I get shaky, which happens after about 3 days.

I think you are a teensy bit lazier than your friends and most of the posters on here.
Get a grip and you and H get your home in order - it’s not rocket science, get inspiration and enthusiasm from PP
Also your stuff should really not be ‘mucky’ in this day and age - you’ve got hot soapy water and cleaning materials.
Many of your friends WILL be judging you even if they deny it.

It's a shame the thread has now descended into accusations of laziness when we've been having a lovely interesting discussion for 500 posts.

I also have a major problem throwing stuff away - just in case I might need it, or could sell it…
But it just sits in boxes for years.
I recently had a friend help me declutter the crap in boxes under the stairs. My friend was ruthless, and quick. I had to make split second decisions and I started to let it go and not think ‘what if?’

Just give it to charity - be honest, you’ll never get around to selling it, and it’ll do someone a good turn.
Worth it to be clutter free.
Now I just have to tackle my bedroom and the garage!😁

No need for slinging mud or accusations of laziness, different people do things differently, neither is perfect, both have downsides.
It's nice to discuss it.
As above, the relationship between ADHD and OCD is closely linked.
I'm in the centre.
I clean a lot, but I don't automatically tidy as I go.
Going to wad through the 2 piles of clean clothing, hang them up, there in the basket since Monday.
I'll make a cuppa first. ☕️🥰 See productivity and distraction in one job.

Can I just use this opportunity to say that OCD is not just being a bit particular about things being clean and tidy, or 'feeling a bit anxious' if things are cluttered. It's an incredibly serious mental health issue, one in which the anxiety is crippling. For example, someone might worry obsessively for days, weeks, months that they contracted aids because they touched a doorknob. Or they might worry compulsively that they knocked someone over in the road when in fact that they went over a speed bump. Or they worry obsessively that they're a murderer. It's utterly bonkers and awful. I have bouts of it and wouldn't wish it on anyone. So please if I could ask people (no-one here specifically and it's no one's fault - I used to say it before I realised I had OCD) to stop saying that they're 'a bit OCD.' Thank you very much! And OP I am the same, I suspect we'd be friends IRL!

Same here, I've always been like that. Back when I was a university student, I couldn’t sit down to study until I’d tidied up first. Now, as a working mother of three, I wash dishes while I cook and won’t sit down to eat until the kitchen is tidy.

I spend a lot of time watching TV, but only after everything is in order. I can’t sleep in a messy room either.

Just to be clear, my house is never pristine, I’m not obsessed with cleanliness. I just try to keep things tidy, that’s all. It takes some time, sure, but it’s totally doable. I think the trick is to tidy as you go: always put things back in their place, always wash up right away.

My father used to say, “Whatever you can do today, don’t leave for tomorrow.” That stuck with me.

Didn't explain that clearly - main points are 1) OCD isn't just about 'being a bit particular' 2) you can develop OCD about anything. It's not just about being tidy/ clean, although that is a common theme.

(I'll jump off my soap box now)

@ToysRus56
I agree both can manifest into debilitating illnesses, there is a large spectrum, the extremes are horrendous for anyone suffering.

Well, I'm a tidy person who's fascinated by untidy people! I often think they must be so much happier and more content than I am. If I see a mess I have to do something about it, I can't just leave it or un-see it, and I can't relax until all the chores are done. My house is very clean, which makes me feel calm and in control, but I often think about how much time I spend - how much of my life I've spent - tidying and cleaning - like the cliche that 'my house wasn't clean enough' is never among the top five regrets of elderly people. In my experience of untidy people they have this superpower of... just not seeing... the mess, and they're much happier for it. I wouldn't say I'm obsessive, it's just how I was taught - 'clean as you go' rather than 'leave it for later' (because 'later' never comes). And a messy or dirty environment makes me feel viscerally uncomfortable; I can only really relax and sit down if everything is clean and tidy. Compulsive? We report, you decide...

I think you're right, I rarely sit down. I'd like to but I can't enjoy it knowing the mess and clutter are there.

Don't put it down, put it away. If my kids try to put something in the wrong place I see them pause, look at me, and put it in the right place 😂 in fear.

To the PP who punches holes in a letter to file it....what a faff! You need to make your filing system WAY easier and simpler. Look at Clutterbug for ideas.

I'm tidy because it makes life much simpler.