To be fascinated by tidy people

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I’m just not tidy. Nor is my husband. We try. Actually very hard. We have two young children and a dog but there is literally stuff everywhere, all of the time.

I live in London, so we naturally have many parent friends right on our doorstep and there is a ‘drop in’ culture where we might wrap up a playground or common trip and head to each others houses.

Ours is not fit for that kind of spontaneity but others fling open their doors at any time and it’s like no one even lives there.

when conversations come up about chores, cleaning, tidiness, I recoil. They really are extremely tidy people and with young kids. You can’t mistake walking into a tidy persons house, it just feels, different.

The floors and sofa/furniture in our house just don’t look like theirs, even if you have a whip round and tidy you can tell.

So, tidy people, tell me, how do you do it. What are the tips. Was this nurture growing up in a tidy household? Or something you learned? AIBU to be ashamed my pram, car, house is always in need of a clean.

My house used to be a constant mess until lockdown when I started decluttering. I kept at it relentlessly until every single drawer, box, cupboard, shed, pile of paperwork had been genuinely sorted with decisions carried through then everything labelled. Since then there is a place for everything and it's always tidy. It took two years and was really difficult but worth it.

Ah, this is your problem. Forget selling things just chuck it. I know it's awful but people just don't bother to buy second hand sofas etc. See if you can get bhf to take it away.

Don’t make a mess. Come in hang up coat, put shoes in cupboard. Drink tea put cup in dishwasher. Clean kitchen whilst cooking. Get something out put it back.

Never wait until later. It just builds up

At 1 and 3 it’s actually advantageous that both or one are contained. Ie if you say both use high chairs, just don’t take them out until clean. Leave in highchair, wipe hands and faces, sweep floor around, wipe tray or table. Only then remove child and do final wipe on seat part.

If happy in highchair give something clean like aqua draw or duplo at table after lunch so you have 5-10mins to load dishwasher, and anything else in kitchen.

3 prams in hallway? Did you really use all three on same day? I’m assuming it’s a main pram, double pram and travel one or something. You would usually only use one each day so store others elsewhere ie cupboard, on hook, in car. Then your down to maybe one pram only in hallway.

Always clean bathroom sink, mirrow or sort bathroom drawers when they bath. At this age you can’t leave bathroom anyway so it’s a productive use of 3 mins watching them not drown.

With small children I would aim to do as much as possible when they are awake so you can rest when they nap or sleep. When they wake from nap for example keep them trapped in their bedroom to play whilst you fold their laundry in their bedroom with them. Dust rooms, declutter etc when they are around not asleep. Just do 10 mins at a time.

But yes, too much stuff. The more clothing you have for example the longer you can leave laundry, the more it builds up, the more to wash and fold, the more it doesn’t fit in storage

It is mostly putting stuff away.
But other ideas for you:
We get charity bags through the letterbox here. Try to make a habit to always put something in.
Because I need to hold the banister I have a stair basket- every time something needs to go upstairs/ downstairs it goes in the basket.
use things like underbed stores to store things like the bedding for a spare room in that room
If something has a hole in it and you know realistically you will not mend it throw it away.
Try to do an inventory- what jumpers you have, what colours- stops you buying more unnecessary stuff.
Try to organise a kids clothes swap thing - make it a party assign a value of 1 credit to each piece and give people a credit for each they bring.
Encourage relations not to give stuff, give vouchers
Start clearing an area that is not sentimental - like a garage, loft or shed then you have somewhere to put stuff when you start to sort the house.
Try a 1 in 1 out policy for stuff- do not buy your new outfit until you have sold something on ebay or vinted.

I always put things away after I've used them and do the same for daughter who doesn't see mess. However, the floors, with a big dog and a cat that lies in leaves all the time, are another matter.

The interesting thing about this thread is that there are people who try very hard to be tidy and find it an immense struggle, and others who are naturally tidy and don’t see it as any kind of onerous task at all.

I’m very tidy and it doesn’t occur to me as taking any work at all. Me and my family just don’t make mess to begin with. When I think of work I think of keeping on top of laundry, gardening, washing the car, and household chores like that. But tidiness just happens without any thought behind it.

It’s hard to see the messy person’s point of view. Mess is anathema to me.

The only way is to just do it sadly, if you see something lying around put it away if not needed, and keep doing this every time you spot something. Putting one or two things away is much quicker and less off putting than tidying a whole room where stuff has been allowed to accumulate. I had a big wheeled storage box in the living room for toys, chuck the toys in and wheel it to a corner or behind couch, don't chuck stuff on the floor as you come in, at least hang it up so it's off the floor. Remember it's much more pleasant to sit down in a tidy room, than trying to relax amongst clutter

We need a Mounjaro for messiness.

I agree it is hard to understand - my exMIL would always gasp at my tidy, organised space and wonder how I could do it - whereas I'd look at her mess and clutter and wonder why if she wanted it tidy, didn't she just tidy it up! Likewise my messy DD - if you don't want a mess, put each thing back when you've used it instead of just dropping it!

But this thread does help a bit to hear messy people's POV.

I'm really tidy as I find it makes me feel peaceful and stable. It's also cause and effect - when you have to waste time looking for things it makes you stressed and irritable plus it wastes valuable time. I'm fascinated by people who live in a continual mess!

I think it’s inbuilt. I literally could not bear to live in mess. It would make me feel so discombobulated (and even quite anxious) that I couldn’t consider living any way other than tidy. You obviously don’t have that same instinct. Which is ok. But if you want to be tidy you will need a different way to get there and simply be determined and disciplined - and make sure others in the family pull their weight. Don’t maybe need to start with a declutter?

The trick is - they don't have so much stuff. You can't clean clutter. You can;t even really tidy clutter. DH is a hoarder by nature - he hates throwing anything away. I am a hoarder by accident - I'd happily give up most of my stuff but I haven ADHD and get paralysed trying to work out if I should sell it, donate it, give it away, take it to the tip. I dream of owning about 10% of what is currently in our house.

Yes, I think a lot of the advice posted here only goes so far as well. I reckon messy and tidy people literally see the world differently.

I have 2x teenagers and this works if you keep telling them from young age to keep stuff in their rooms rather than leaving everywhere and enforce - mercilessly (including chucking items back into their rooms rather angrily 😆)
I don’t leave my stuff around either - everything goes back to the bag/ drawer/ storage place
it’s so much easier to clean when nothing is lying around and you don’t feel mentally tired by the thought of tiding up before cleaning (I get very overwhelmed if there is too much to do)

But some of us have gone from being messy (and as a teen I was horrifically so - you literally couldn’t see the floor of my bedroom) to being pretty tidy.

So, tidy people, tell me, how do you do it. What are the tips. Was this nurture growing up in a tidy household? Or something you learned? AIBU to be ashamed my pram, car, house is always in need of a clean.

I am very tidy. I grew up in a very tidy household. I have no idea if it's nature or nurture. I don't find it hard at all. We have minimum stuff (still a lot but not bucket loads of shit we don't need). If I haven't used something in a year, it goes (charity, tip etc). I always clean the kitchen before going to bed and run the dishwasher at night. I always tidy the lounge in the evening. I just go to bed with the house tidy. Kids are brought up to do the same. I think as it's so much 2nd nature, things never really get out of hand and we are always on top of things. I cannot relax is a messy house. I don't know how others do it. Sometimes, I wish I could let go a bit. but I can't help it.

I don't pile up buckets of laundry either. Just stick in a wash every second day. I almost always use the tumble dryer though as it's quicker and easier than line drying.

Absolute rubbish!!
you obviously haven’t got a lot of go in you!!

As soon as we get in from work, we sort out our work bags, lunch boxes by the sink and bags away, ( it used to be the same when the children got home from school, lunch boxes by the sink, bags away and then sort out what they needed for the next day at school)
After work we will have a quick wash, change our clothes, dirty clothes go into the laundry basket not thrown on the floor or hung on furniture, very rare that we wear the same thing twice. Coats hung up on the coat hooks and shoes put away on the shoe rack, tidy as you go along.
Hoovering and dusting gets done after work as we’re up at 5.30 so don’t do it before work.
Tea cooked and eaten then dishes done wash dried and put away, pack lunches done for the next day and everything wiped down again.
Any washing will be picked in from the line or taken off the clothes horse if raining and couldn’t hang out that morning, ironed and put away.
Then time to sit down, we don’t sit down until everything is tidy!

I think that’s more admirable. You have to work at it more compared to naturally tidy people. Although I reckon most people go through a messier phase as teens and most outgrow it.

so many posts saying things like “if I use something, I put it away straight after”.
it sounds so simple and so obvious.
but in my life, my time is not my own. I’m constantly interrupted in what I’m doing to go a see to the kids. I can’t go to the toilet for 2 mins without being interrupted by some of the them knocking on the door asking where their teddy is. Or asking for a drink of water. Or I have to leave what I’m doing to break up a fight or see to a child that fell over etc. etc.
it’s actually kinda hard to see things through to completion every time. Maybe it’s the stage they’re at and it’ll get easier. I hope so. Mess makes me anxious.

I very much re-wear clothes, unless they are smelly or visibly dirty they get popped into a pile for wearing the next day if I’m staying home or they go back away.

I’m gonna be controversial and suggest it’s probably ADHD meds.

Because who really wants to be messy and appear lazy? But if you really dig deep there’s other issues at play. And I’m talking about myself here. I simply wouldn’t be able to get up at 4.45am and clean before working a full day. It would break me

I do marvel at the amount of energy people have for domestic tasks. But I could quite happily go out and run 8 miles so I’m no couch potato. I just can’t channel any energy or focus in to domestic tasks and I find it incredibly hard.

I spend hours cleaning but then everything gets messy again so quickly and by then I’ve run out of energy.

It's constant low-level vigilance. Stuff like when you walk in the door, immediately hang up your coat, put your shoes away. Get rid of extraneous clutter. Use the nursery school mantra taught to my grandson: "Choose it, use it, put it away." I detest dirt and mess, it makes my skin crawl.

Also tidy as you go…..well I try and do that anyway as I also detest spending ages tidying / cleaning

Having less stuff means less time to tidy and more time to clean