To be fascinated by tidy people

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I’m just not tidy. Nor is my husband. We try. Actually very hard. We have two young children and a dog but there is literally stuff everywhere, all of the time.

I live in London, so we naturally have many parent friends right on our doorstep and there is a ‘drop in’ culture where we might wrap up a playground or common trip and head to each others houses.

Ours is not fit for that kind of spontaneity but others fling open their doors at any time and it’s like no one even lives there.

when conversations come up about chores, cleaning, tidiness, I recoil. They really are extremely tidy people and with young kids. You can’t mistake walking into a tidy persons house, it just feels, different.

The floors and sofa/furniture in our house just don’t look like theirs, even if you have a whip round and tidy you can tell.

So, tidy people, tell me, how do you do it. What are the tips. Was this nurture growing up in a tidy household? Or something you learned? AIBU to be ashamed my pram, car, house is always in need of a clean.

The letter I would probably take to the other room but not hole punch or file, so just moving the clutter. Nappy bin I of course empty immediately and put the new bin bag in. Crumbs I'd probably leave until the next day to be honest, then hoover again. Or I might sweep after dinner while my daughter watches her bedtime programmes, then I'm sweeping snack and dinner crumbs at the same time instead of sweeping twice. Sitting down in this instance would mean sitting down next to my daughter while she eats her snack, maybe having a drink of water before spending the rest of the afternoon entertaining her.

Interestingly I have family who live in this beautiful messy chaos, I always think it's amazing! I always think they must have such good mental health for it to not get to them. Just stuff everywhere. Honestly looks like their house has been burgled all the time, clean though (cleaner once a week) but exceptionally beautiful, fun mess. I love it but would fear the judgement and the quick mental health decline. And I'm a pretty messy person but desperately trying to be tidy

my house isn’t show home ready but it’s tidy enough I’d be happy to have someone just turn up. I have a just turned 2 year old, a 16 week old, work part time and 4 dogs for context too. Oh and my OH is not a tidy person I do 90% of the house hold stuff
Reading your posts OP you sound more tired than I would expect, I mean I’ve got two very young children and ok I’m not about to go run a marathon or do anything crazily energetic, but to feel that wiping the high chair is too much effort (sorry I can’t remember your exact wording) that sounds like real fatigue. Have you been to a dr about it? Maybe it’s not cleaning that’s the problem, is your diet good, low iron maybe?
also can you not get your 3 year old to “help” before getting my 2 year old out the high chair I’ll give him a sponge or a baby wipe and he will wipe the tray up, he helps get the washing out the machine etc etc so he feels helpful and like his playing a game with mummy whilst I’m getting jobs done (ok slowly but still)

also as others have said good storage is key I lack that in my house and really feel it be a game changer

I am tidy but DH and DD aren’t. I have a full time job and a life, I’m not tidying up after two able-bodied competent humans, and I’m also not prepared to nag them to tidy up because who says my standards are the right ones.

The house is clean because we have a cleaner, and the deal with DH and DD is that the house is tidy once a week so she can get to all the surfaces. But I don’t live in the perfect order I would like, except in my own bedroom. At the moment there’s a broken suitcase on the kitchen floor: it didn’t survive our holiday and it’s too big for the bin. It’s just going to have to stay there till one of us has time to take it to the tip.

In short you are not actually “trying very hard” to tidy as you’ve said yourself you’d rather sit and relax. Which is obviously fine but don’t kid yourself that you are trying! I am not a naturally tidy person but I HATE being in mess and can’t relax so other than hiring a daily cleaner I have to just get on with it. I’ve never gone to bed without cleaning up downstairs. So kitchen and living room and hall etc are always clear and clean before bed.

As an aside though actually taking time to declutter properly and find homes for everything takes ages to do initially but will save so much time in long run. So maybe your friends have done this. Took me 4 hours the other day to clear out one cupboard, been putting it off for ages but now loads of kids games and toys can be neatly stored in there so cleaning up their crap is so much quicker. I’ve 3 young kids and the amount of toys is bonkers.

I’m FRUSTRATED to fuck by my messy, hoarder husband and youngest kid.

I fantasise about going round with bin bags just shoving it all in, including receipts, dirty plates, cups, empty packaging, boxes, tubs, bike parts, football shite, clothing, shoes NEXT to the shoe cabinet, coats on the back of dining room chairs… they walk PAST.. PAST the coat hooks to pile them onto dining room chairs, beard trimmer and beard remnants, crumbs from food, knives left on the work top after making toast or a sandwich, piled up dirty dishes in the sink when the god damned mother fucking dishwasher is empty AND fucking open ready to receive the dirty dishes..

I fantasise about walking out, secretly buying myself a house that I live in alone, clean, tidy, happy, calm, quiet. Leaving them to drown in their own filthy shit.

I doesn’t fascinate me, it makes me depressed and extremely resentful.

I’m the mum of a toddler and our house is basically always tidy, as the mess just never builds up because it’s a habit for me to tidy.

I don’t own things we don’t need or like, so there’s no clutter. We have a large house though with plenty of storage, but also plenty of empty cupboards. See if you can do a big declutter and be ruthless with what you donate/throw out.

Because we have no clutter on surfaces it’s much easier to clean because you’re not moving things around. I always have fresh flowers on the table and some photos on shelves but otherwise nothing on surfaces. Every object has a place where it belongs. Even my daughter’s toys are all contained to her playroom and I know everything she owns - like I know what goes with her tea set and which puzzle that piece belongs to.

We have good toy storage so there’s a drawer just for puzzles, a cabinet for art supplies, a bin for trains, her table has playdoh on one side and crayons and paper on the other etc. My toddler also knows where everything belongs and we tidy things away before we leave the house and before naptime. So even with her toys it’s never overwhelming or unmanageable to tidy up. We also use the toy library so she has new toys every week but I don’t have to store loads of toys she outgrows or isn’t interested in anymore.

The only thing I’m not a minimalist with is books, but again the answer to that is storage. A small pile of books in my bedroom I’m currently reading or plan to read this month, and then a full wall of built in shelving for the rest.

We have a robot vacuum that is on at least once a day, we use the dishwasher twice daily and a load of washing at least once a day. My husband cooks dinner every night, then when he is doing the bedtime/bathtime routine I have 40ish minutes to clean the kitchen and tidy up.

Things are just never really messy or dirty because I do clean daily. If something spills or I see something left out, I deal with it then because it only takes 30 seconds. I still get about an hour to relax at naptime and two hours for my husband and I to relax after bedtime.

I feel like you’re talking about me. All our family know to give us a heads up before they come round. The kids know they can’t have friends round unplanned. It’s hardwork keeping a tidy house. Something has to give. Apparently I have to much clutter and need to get rid. My house is clean it’s just not tidy

Have can you clean when it’s untidy??

See I disagree with all the people saying lots of storage. Less storage less clutter.
our sitting room has no storage, no cupboards. That way there is nowhere to put clutter.
It makes life so much easier.

I’m very neat, tidy and organised. I think I got it from my Mum, but my sisters aren’t the same, so maybe it’s more of an individual thing.

I find a messy house quite stressful.

First rule, is no clutter. All my surfaces are minimalist. I don’t have ornaments or knick knacks. I only keep things I need and don’t collect stuff, in case I need it. Far easier to clean that way.

Everything has a place and is put back in its place.

Clothes hung up or folded in drawers or dirty stuff in the wash basket. It’s just as easy to put stuff in the basket as it is to leave it on the floor.

Shoes and trainers put away in the hall cupboard.

Never leave a room without taking something with me. Coffee cup gets put in the dishwasher as soon as it’s empty and pots get washed and sides wiped as soon as a meal is finished.

I have a motto of ‘do it now’. So why wait to fill the dishwasher or hang up a coat. Just put things away.

Before I go to bed, I have a quick 5 minute scan round - put anything away, tidy the cushions on the settee, put the remotes back by the TV.

Doing things as you go along is quick and easy. Life and house becomes messy, if you let things pile up.

Well designed storage which works for the tendencies of the people living there is key I reckon. Our living room wouldn't work with no storage, because it's where our younger children spend the majority of their time. If you have the luxury of a room which is literally only for sitting, and you never read a book in there or play a board game and all your media is digital, then it probably works very well.

But you also have to have a manageable amount of stuff to go in the storage. All the storage in the world can't solve the problem of too much stuff.

I think you are quite happy living as you are. So why change?Each to his own.
But in all honesty it doesn't take any longer to hang coats up when you come in,rather than dropping them anywhere. And to put shoes tidily together. If you have storage place and declutter it doesn't involve hours of cleaning. Dare I ask?If your house is so messy how are you able to keep it clean?

@Lucyccfc68 Same here. I always tidy up before going to bed. I also Never leave a room without taking something with me. 🤣

I mean this kindly, you need to clear the clutter if the DC can't have pals around unexpectedly.
It has a massive impact on their confidence. I hated living in a cluttered house, it was embarrassing and brought shame, once we were teenagers we took over.
As a younger DC I was amazed by friends with clean homes, I always felt sad coming back to piles of crap.
I understand DM was overwhelmed now I'm an adult.

My house is clean it’s just not tidy

100% it isn't clean.
You can't clean properly round clutter and mess and stuff just chucked everywhere.
I mean, how could you even hoover?
Let's be real here.

I’m a bit of a ruthless declutterer. A true follower of KonMari. I try to never leave a room empty handed and I clean one room a day for about an hour. That way the house gets cleaned every week but it doesn’t feel like a huge task. I’m pretty regimented about the dishwasher and laundry. I put them on before bed and unload them when the kettle is boiling for tea in the morning … I think being tidy is about creating good routines.

I do think some people tidy all the time. It's what you have to do to have a tidy house.

When do they do other things?? 🤔 How do they have time??

My parents house is immaculate, and I do think in some ways I am rebelling (aged 43 🙄) against this

This! Messy people have to have way less stuff than they think they need in order to be tidy. I’m a messy person who’s now tidy - it’s all about having less stuff.

It takes no time at all if the house is already tidy and you don't make a mess in the first place. Unlike a pp it doesn't take me an hour just to clean one room either. Just how dirty can a room be that it takes an hour to clean?

Yes this. I have never understood how things get untidy. I was raised in a very tidy house and my house is always very tidy

Ffs my entire post got cut off. In a nutshell if you and your family walk in and put coats on a peg, shoes on a rack rather than elsewhere and then have to tidy it layer, or you make your bed as soon as you get out of it, or hang towels up and put lids on shampoos and place them nearly after you use them etc etc, you aren’t ever ‘tidying’ you are ‘being tidy’.

Its a way of living instilled as a child not an additional chore.

Daily small maintenance cleans e.g 20-30 minutes, plus a bigger/deeper clean of a couple of hours at the weekend.

I also ‘tidy as I go’ and am training the DC to do the same. Thus before leaving a room, do a quick scan to see if something needs to be picked up and moved. For example, a cup or dirty socks - bring them downstairs and put them in dishwasher/washing basket. This prevents a build up.

You will also never see me watching tv with a pile of dirty plates and pots piled around the kitchen. DH and I will always clear stuff away before we relax.

Could be that they are all just tidy people. Could also be that one of the parents is abusive and they get punished if they leave anything out. That was the case for one of my classmates.

@OlympicProcrastinator do you never leave your bed to air with the windows open before making it? You should.