To be fascinated by tidy people

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I’m just not tidy. Nor is my husband. We try. Actually very hard. We have two young children and a dog but there is literally stuff everywhere, all of the time.

I live in London, so we naturally have many parent friends right on our doorstep and there is a ‘drop in’ culture where we might wrap up a playground or common trip and head to each others houses.

Ours is not fit for that kind of spontaneity but others fling open their doors at any time and it’s like no one even lives there.

when conversations come up about chores, cleaning, tidiness, I recoil. They really are extremely tidy people and with young kids. You can’t mistake walking into a tidy persons house, it just feels, different.

The floors and sofa/furniture in our house just don’t look like theirs, even if you have a whip round and tidy you can tell.

So, tidy people, tell me, how do you do it. What are the tips. Was this nurture growing up in a tidy household? Or something you learned? AIBU to be ashamed my pram, car, house is always in need of a clean.

I get that’s how tidy people are but I can’t imagine constantly thinking about what needs to be tidied.

But I don't think about tidying at all-I just do it as I go along, it doesn't really enter into my head. Tidying isn't a 'job'-it's just what you do as you go along each day. The house rarely needs 'tidying'.

Get a cleaner once a month. It will force you to tidy your house so they can clean properly.

Tidying isn't a 'job'-it's just what you do as you go along each day. The house rarely needs 'tidying'.

Well exactly.

I never have to tidy anything in my house, because it is never untidy.

How to deal with 'stuff'.

Before you start to declutter, think about what you need to have in place. DO NOT DECLUTTER UNTIL YOU HAVE A PLAN. Otherwise you have mountains of stuff to get rid off.

Make sure you have a car or van to take things to the tip / recycling centre. Strong bin bags, big boxes and cleaning stuff in place.

Are you happy disposing of things or donating? If not, whats your plans for selling it?

If its selling, get your Vinted account up and running (You can sell clothes and electrics there). Download a Books for Cash app, they sometimes pay the postage too and collect the parcel.

FB marketplace. Its the pits. People will argue over £3 for a bike and be a bit ridiciulous. Stand your ground and dont expect them to turn up.

Would a local car boot sale be better? When is it?

Google search where things can go. Is there a local chairty that will collect, service and rehome bikes for example. Will anywhere take furniture etc etc

If you are happy with the plans for getting rid of the 'stuff' then start. Nobody wants your Aunties tea set from Harrods when you die, I can promise you. Its not precious, its junk. Same for the Princess Diana memorial plates. Get them in the bin.

Take a day, get the rubber gloves on and start. Get rid of the big things first, the things that are blocking the hallyway and go from there.

I think it is the opposite way around, it becomes a habit when done automatically, whereas messier people will think about it a lot more as it is all around them, procrastination is mind consuming too.

See I think this is a fascinating question - unwanted stuff IME is just constantly around - things my children have grown out of, something I bought that broke or was totally useless, McDonalds' toys or party bag junk that nobody really wanted in the first place, something which has been replaced but we haven't got around to getting rid of the old version, things which are worn out, things which I've got bored of (e.g. a book I've read but wouldn't re-read/don't want to keep), food which was bought enthusiastically but has sat in the cupboard for months being passed by, something I bought the wrong version of but it wasn't worth the hassle to return it, spare shelves or other bits of IKEA furniture that we might need later, stuff like that.

What do you do with things like that? I am getting better at throwing some things out straight away, but sometimes with things like electrical items which are supposed to be taken to an electrical recycling point etc they seem to sit around for ages before anyone does anything with them. Or it feels "too good" to put it in the bin so I think I really ought to stick it on FB marketplace or take to the charity shop. I had a good system for this for a while - a box or bag in the downstairs loo which when it got full, I'd use the next available day to take it to the charity shop. But I got out of this habit when we moved.

Do you have regular clear outs of things like toys/books/cupboards to weed out any of the things which don't get as much love? Or do you operate a very strict one in one out policy, or anything like that?

One in one out, regular clear outs. New school uniforms? Old ones are taken to the school donation bank or recycled if they are tatty.

Kids will happily fill a bin bag from their rooms for £10 when I ask them.

My mental health is far more important that worrying about the £5.99 I spent on somthing last year.

Its spent money, its not coming back.

I see a relative who lives in a total mess of a house, she says it gets her down but she continues to not really clean, buy lots of stuff and never throws anything away. I would be in bits after a few days of living in her house.

Yes I know. But my brain doesn’t work that way. So I would be constantly having to think about it. I wouldn’t find it easy. Though I get that to lots of people it is.

Also I find decluttering mind numbingly boring and I can’t psyche myself up to do it.

I am definitely not naturally tidy and as far as I can tell it really is a case of never sitting down. All the people saying "clean as you go" - it sounds sensible in principle but it's almost like I have a mental block. So I see a letter on the table. Okay, I should take that to the room where it belongs. But then if I just put it on the desk there all I've done is move the clutter, so I need to punch holes in the paper, find the right folder and file it away. It would probably only take a minute but all I see is extra work. And once I've done that there'll be something else that I can "just quickly" do: the dishwasher will have finished, or my daughter has finished the snack that was keeping her occupied while I tidied away the letter, which means crumbs need sweeping (even though I hoovered after work before picking her up from nursery). Then she needs a nappy change and afterwards her bin bag is full, so that goes in the big bin, which then needs to be emptied and taken down. Then two new bin bags to be put in... theoretically all short tasks but now it's been half an hour since I saw the stupid letter on the table and I didn't even get to sit down for 1 minute while my daughter ate her snack.

I have childhood memories of my mum cleaning on a Saturday morning, complaining about us being in the way - making us lift our feet so she could hoover, dusting the TV while we were trying to watch Saturday morning cartoons. It all seemed very stressful! My sister and I had the job of cleaning the kitchen after dinner - dishes washed, dried and put away, sides and hob wiped, flood swept. If my step dad was home he would check our work and go mad if it wasn't done properly. To this day I hate washing dishes - so glad the dishwasher does most of it! But I still have to wash the disgusting frying pans, then the dishwasher has to be emptied and refilled. And on and on it goes.

START with a massive clear-out - check the organised mum and her "bootcamps". First you need to put the house in order.

then once it's done, maintain it - and yes, one in one out for example.

*totally useless, McDonalds' toys, party bag toys"
the real tat: bin immediately.
one box, fill with what could actually be used - anything else in the bin. When they are little enough, they like to rummage once in awhile and play with them.
Party on a Saturday, bin by Monday morning latest.

omething which has been replaced but we haven't got around to getting rid of the old version
then spend the time you wrote that post to actually do something about it (I mean it kindly, but not sure my tone translates well, sorry)

things which are worn out, things which I've got bored of (e.g. a book I've read but wouldn't re-read/don't want to keep
get rid?

something I bought the wrong version of but it wasn't worth the hassle to return it
sell?

Someone "kindly" gifts you a set of 4 new mugs? Do you prefer them or you prefer you existing one? Give or sell 4 mugs. You don't need 50 mugs in the cupboard unless 50 people live in your house, which is unlikely.

Be ruthless. There are only 7 days in a week, WHEN will you ever wear each of the 50 jumpers that are cluttering your wardrobe...

put a timer, and spend 5 to 10minutes once a day. It is boring, but it's even more boring to think about it, so might as well get it out of the way.

@BertieBotts

• things my children have grown out of - pass it on, sell on facebook if it’s worth or charity bag
• something I bought that broke or was totally useless - bin
• McDonalds' toys or party bag junk that nobody really wanted in the first place - bin or charity,
• something which has been replaced but we haven't got around to getting rid of the old version - just get rid of it
• things which are worn out, things which I've got bored of (e.g. a book I've read but wouldn't re-read/don't want to keep) - charity bag
• food which was bought enthusiastically but has sat in the cupboard for months being passed by - food bank if suitable if not bin
• something I bought the wrong version of but it wasn't worth the hassle to return it - facebook sell if it’s worth the return or charity
• spare shelves or other bits of IKEA furniture that we might need later, stuff like that - facebook pass it on site you can rebuy it later

My house is small for us. I can’t really afford to move and stay in the same area, well we potentially could but couldn’t do holiday so won’t move. I can’t buy more space but I can make more space. The money went when you bought the item, from the moment you bought it was going to end up in landfill.

Clutter causes a cortisol spike in many women, not all but it does for me. Keeping on top of clutter is looking after my mental health and as I get older I value my health more.

For charity donations I use a conpany called Anglo, yes it’s a company who donates a set amount to charity but honestly I just want the stuff out my house and it helps the economy and a charity gets a donations that’s a positive.

Try doing 30 mins of decluttering a week. It has really improved my life.

Music or podcasts are essential.

I never stop spot tidying, cleaning, organising etcetc. I always wish I was like you and cared much less!

Exactly. I never need to spend time tidying because my house and space is always tidy.

When I came back from walking the dog this morning, his stuff went straight on his hook in the cupboard, my shoes went on the shoe rack and my dirty clothes went in the machine. It only took a minute or two and everything was done.

Yep, this is exactly the situation.

@BertieBotts OMG I have never heard of a barcode alarm. This might be life changing.

Wow impressive! I too love a declutter but I overthink it all, clearing out a cupboard can take me hours as I painstakingly go through everything. It takes so long. I just don’t know where you find motivation to carve out time for the above each and every week, consistently. I’ve not really revealed too much of my own situation so will give it a go now.

brought up in an incredible cluttered, dirty, chaotic household. Far too many toys, mum a hoarder, Dad messy as anything (both were). We did have help to a point so the house only descended into chaos when the help stopped. When I was at uni and moved out my room was the same, a mess! When I became a home owner (flat) I tried but failed to keep the spare room tidy, it became a dumping ground but communal areas were clear and bedroom. When I became a home owner I was at my tidiest, no kids, lots of storage, everything had its place. When the kids came along, it has descended into chaos, stuff is everywhere often. However, it’s never dishes piling up in sink or dirty kitchen sides, it’s toys, as I said in PP bags of things from weekends away or activities, and the floor, babies drop food on the floor, I tidy but don’t mop every time! Who has time for that when baby eats non stop. I’d love to be tidy. I’m reading each post as I go. Taking all the tips! I don’t think I’m far off. Just need a real declutter. I need to accept I’m not going to sell maternity clothes and baby clothes, just bag them up and get rid! Will change my life! Thanks all.

here you go ☺️

things my children have grown out of- I go through my dcs clothing every few months, they will tell me if something doesn’t fit etc and I have a bag in the car that they go straight into and then when it’s full I’ll bring it to a charity shop.
something I bought that broke or was totally useless- I don’t understand this…but I would bring it back to the shop ASAP!
McDonalds' toys or party bag junk that nobody really wanted in the first place,-the second my dc turn their heads these are gone!
something which has been replaced but we haven't got around to getting rid of the old version- I get rid of the old version first, depending on the item it goes in the bin straight away.
things which are worn out- bin
things which I've got bored of (e.g. a book I've read but wouldn't re-read/don't want to keep)-charity shop bag
food which was bought enthusiastically but has sat in the cupboard for months being passed by- I don’t get this either. I meal plan so rarely buy thing with no use.
something I bought the wrong version of but it wasn't worth the hassle to return it- I just wouldn’t do this, I would return it. spare shelves or other bits of IKEA furniture that we might need later, stuff like that.- if I don’t need it I won’t have it. But I have a shed which has a few mirrors in it. So I suppose I could put that stuff in the shed.

NO, Not The Shed ! Start of a slippery slope. Fortunately, I haven't got a shed but if I had it would be full of ' oh, I might need that's'.

I regularly remove anything that isn't used.
I don't have much clutter.
I don't become emotionally attached to items.
I grew up in a cluttered house. I want different for my children.

Well it’s only 6ft by 7ft and the mower and other bits are in there so limited space. But I treat it like another room. It’s very tidy 🤣🤣

I hired a declutterer! Expensive, but worth it. She comes about once a month and the best thing is, she takes everything away with her - for charity shops, rubbish, recycling, it all leaves my house with her and is gone for good. I can't tell you how wonderful it is! In between her visits, I now make piles for her to take away next time and gradually the mountains of stuff that needs shifting are subsiding. I reckon another 6 months or so should get me to a nice, tidy organised home with a place for everything and everything in its place. 😊

I need this in my life! Especially the taking away of the stuff.