To be fascinated by tidy people

[tangerinemagic]

I’m just not tidy. Nor is my husband. We try. Actually very hard. We have two young children and a dog but there is literally stuff everywhere, all of the time.

I live in London, so we naturally have many parent friends right on our doorstep and there is a ‘drop in’ culture where we might wrap up a playground or common trip and head to each others houses.

Ours is not fit for that kind of spontaneity but others fling open their doors at any time and it’s like no one even lives there.

when conversations come up about chores, cleaning, tidiness, I recoil. They really are extremely tidy people and with young kids. You can’t mistake walking into a tidy persons house, it just feels, different.

The floors and sofa/furniture in our house just don’t look like theirs, even if you have a whip round and tidy you can tell.

So, tidy people, tell me, how do you do it. What are the tips. Was this nurture growing up in a tidy household? Or something you learned? AIBU to be ashamed my pram, car, house is always in need of a clean.

Exactly this. I feel miserable surrounded by clutter and relaxed and peaceful in a clean and tidy environment. Also, not having huge amounts of stuff helps. We're not minimalist but don't have 30 white t-shirt and 53 pairs of shoes (I have half a 180cm wardrobe and 2 drawers).

I would worry less about selling stuff and just get shot of the prams you don’t need and be a bit more ruthless with stuff you dont need. The secret is not to keep loads of stuff. Freecycle, charity shop or recycling centre.

But how to you get this unwanted “stuff” in the first place? That’s the real question!

I used to be very messy and im now much tidier the differences are:

• I moved house and took the opportunity to declutter, I only took about 25% of our stuff with us.
• I turned our under the stairs cupboard into a closet for our clothes. Sometimes I do just shov the clothes in there and shut the door.
• little and often, at one point, id do 10mins quick blitz per room per hour.
• baskets and storage
• doing it in stages, bit by bit means that after dinner ill tidy up the dinner mess and the house is done so I have all evening to relax.

My house is mostly visitor ready most of the time. It soothes my brain and I feel much better. Have you tried body doubling? Me and my sister sometimes do a big sort out/clean of our houses and will send messages and photos/videos to eachother of how its looking which helps motivation.

You also sometimes have to change the way you do things to what suits/benefits you rather than what you think you should be doing.

Also there is halfway options, so for example, my daughter eats in her room due to personal reasons and has SEN she wouldnt always bring stuff down. So I put a smart plastic tub by her room for the plates to go and then id take it down every other day to wash. Its not the perfect solution as ideally id like stuff to be brought down straight away but its a midway option that works.

Downstairs is always tidy/clean where as upstairs theres a bit more mess.

Exactly this. It’s so easy.

This - tie jobs in with stuff you already do

When wiping the kids hands after food use the same cloth/baby wipe to give the high chair a quick wipe over.

It may not get everything and it may still need a proper spray and clean later but it will get the worst off and stop any food from sticking - making the ‘proper’ clean later much easier and quicker.

Exactly this. I get that’s how tidy people are but I can’t imagine constantly thinking about what needs to be tidied. Every time I leave a room, when I’m boiling a kettle I need to clear up, no sitting down until it’s all tidy.

I can’t think about that stuff all day long and be constantly tidying.

It only became unwanted after a time - hobby stuff from years ago that he’s moved on from, or things we’ve replaced but the original is “worth keeping as I have the box and we could sell it…” type of thing.

We manage to keep a tidy house despite all this, but it can be a source of deep for me frustration sometimes!

Spot on!

I don't constantly think about it that's the point, it's done in seconds

Again the messy people are focusing on only one part of the task.
When DH and I first got married he would make a sandwich
Bread left open, bread board , crumbs, cheese, pickle open, knife,butter left out
It would sit there all day
After asking him nicely to stop it, and he didnt,we discussed it rowedand he was solely focused on eating the sandwich
He was astonished that I cleared up then ate , I was astonished that he would leave everything out-all day.

He clears up straight away now
Life is so much easier
There isn't hours of thinking about and doing jobs because it's done in seconds.

Imagine 4 people all cooking/ making lunch and they leave everything out -looks like a bomb has gone off- so depressing
Now imagine simply putting everything away as you use it-literally a minute tops to put the bread , butter, cheese back, the knife in the dishwasher and wipe.

This morning I’ve been up and made two lunches, one for me and one for dd. My DP made scrambled eggs (me and dd had overnight oats). I decided I wasn’t feeling the jumper I was wearing so I changed (I hung back up the first jumper and picked a cardy. The kitchen is spotless…imo…see pic 😅

Yes this is the answer. Not too much stuff and everything belongs somewhere

Even the "random stuff" has an allocated drawer, so I know that the 3D cinema glasses, screwdriver, headtorch and fairy lights will all be in there

Yeah the first example I get, my dd has a guitar that she doesn’t play anymore. I could sell it I suppose. The second example I don’t get, if it’s worth keeping I won’t replace it, if it needs replacing then it gets chucked!!

I don’t constantly think about it. I’m very lazy. But if I’m putting a cup of tea back in the kitchen I’m already on my feet, so I wash it and put it away.

There are obvious exceptions. We’ve all dashed out of the house in a rush. But because a level of tidiness is maintained, an occasional cup or plate on the side isn’t the end of the world. But if everyone just left things lying about it becomes a mammoth job that I can’t be arsed dealing with. There’s not much more depressing to me than to walk into a kitchen with a disgusting pile of dishes lying about and crumbs everywhere, papers on the table and so on. Fuck that, what a waste of time.

you don't really think about it, you just ... do.

It makes no difference really to put the mug you just finished using straight in the dishwasher instead of dumping it on the side. You go upstairs in your bedroom, you grab what needs to go on the way, you are going anyway.

If I wasn't tidying up as I go, I would be thinking about it everytime I look at things, and it annoys me.

I love your kitchen!

I also love that you can go back at any time to do something, and it won't be sticky or dirty and need a clean. You can have anyone popping around unexpectedly and the kitchen is not out of bound. You can decide to go out for the day and evening, and not be faced by a pile of mess when you go to bed.

It's just so much easier and the clean kitchen is for your own benefit, not a random visitor .

Even the "random stuff" has an allocated drawer

Yes, we have a "random shit drawer" in the kitchen (DD named it 😁)

It’s not always something to be envied!

I can’t sit down to chill unless the room is tidy and I can’t sit in the garden unless all the gardening tasks are done. I suppose some people would say that if you’re a gardener you tend not to be a sitter-downer there anyway, but it’s a shame. Yes, I do it with visitors but not just myself.

I wish I was more able to just relax but I’m old enough to know it’s just how I am. It’s not the worst problem to have!

So do I, which is why my house is always tidy - so I can spend my free time sat on my arse

This morning for example, while I waited for the kettle to boil, I put away yesterday's dishes and filled the animals' water bowls. While they were eating, I did the litter trays and ran the vacuum round the living room. It doesn't eat it in to my "sitting down time" because I'd not be sitting down then anyway, so instead of twiddling my thumbs or playing on my phone, I do a task.

I never let the mess build up because I know I would resent spending my evenings or weekends tidying and cleaning.

Ours is called The Crap Drawer.
🤣

But that's the thing, I don't constantly think about it - it's just part of the task - like putting the milk back in the fridge, or turning off the tap.

If I was to get up now to go to the bathroom, I would just automatically take my empty plate and mug to the sink and wash them up. It's no different (to me) to flushing the loo or turning off a light.

I guess for me its storage, regular clear outs and clean as i go.

As I cook, I have the sink full of soap. As I finish with the chopping board stuff whilst its cooking I wash those bits, wipe down surfaces. When kids are in high chairs eating i put away the toys in living room and quick brush up. Then eat with them. Send them back in living room then finish the kitchen clean and mop floor. When they're in bed I then mop living room. I tend to get the toddler to put her toys back in the box as a "night night" routine.

I hang clothes as I go.
Bedding wise i tend to do one bed a day, bung it in the washing machine before work alongside whoseever bedding it is clothes if theres space in there. Then make bed up when I get in.

On my day off (work hybrid so sometimes from home) I deep clean bathroom and do those wipe bits, cupboards that get neglected early in the morning.

I always wipe down bath/shower after a use. Dust a room when im in it.

My mum always had a rule to leave the house clean. As when your knackered just come in at 5-6pm seeing mountain of dishes, loads of cleaning to do makes you feel ughhh. When I get in having to then cook, I just want to get it done so I can chill in peace.

I never use to be tidy, for me it was just getting in the habit.

Probably pointless habits I find helpful:
Fold laundry in piles of where they go as you take them out machine.

Meal prep, uses less pots and pans, and feeling mentally organised just helps me.

Whenever you go upstairs or downstairs take something up that needs to go up, or laundry etc down.

We do have carpets upstairs so I tend to hoover couple times a week when everyones distracted. Its our living room that's used heavily so upstairs doesn't get too messy, its just keeping on top of it

My home never seems to be neat and tidy for long.

I have some friends who always have an immaculate home. They don't seem to spend ages cleaning etc- in fact I think I probably spend longer cleaning, tidying, re-tidying etc than they do. The big difference is that they don't have anything like as much 'stuff' as we do. Since they have less 'stuff' there is an easy place for everything so it's easy to put things away and easier to clean as there is nothing to have to move first. My tidiest friend has one small wardrobe and one set of drawers for each member of the family. They have lovely clothes, but not lots of them and throw away/donate anything they don't wear. They don't keep toys that their DC rarely play with and when the DC were small they would regift/donate any birthday/Xmas presents that they didn't love so that they would not end up with too many toys/games to fit in their storage units. They only have things that they use regularly in their kitchen, and nothing on the worksurfaces. Their cupboards and not over-filled and there are no odd mismatched cups/glasses/utensils etc. The same goes for sports equipment, coats, gadgets, toiletries- nothing that they won't use regularly and anything they don't use is disposed of quickly.

I think it's a difference in mind-set. I know I keep too much clutter but hate the idea of throwing things out when I may need/want them at some point, whereas tidy friend is happy to just buy new when she needs it.

Quite, it's possible to have a tidy home AND read a book or whatever. It's not one or the other.

When I win the lottery, I am allocating a "crap room" to the new house.
Life changing 😂