To be fascinated by tidy people

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I’m just not tidy. Nor is my husband. We try. Actually very hard. We have two young children and a dog but there is literally stuff everywhere, all of the time.

I live in London, so we naturally have many parent friends right on our doorstep and there is a ‘drop in’ culture where we might wrap up a playground or common trip and head to each others houses.

Ours is not fit for that kind of spontaneity but others fling open their doors at any time and it’s like no one even lives there.

when conversations come up about chores, cleaning, tidiness, I recoil. They really are extremely tidy people and with young kids. You can’t mistake walking into a tidy persons house, it just feels, different.

The floors and sofa/furniture in our house just don’t look like theirs, even if you have a whip round and tidy you can tell.

So, tidy people, tell me, how do you do it. What are the tips. Was this nurture growing up in a tidy household? Or something you learned? AIBU to be ashamed my pram, car, house is always in need of a clean.

It doesn't stay in your system very long, so if you don't like the side effects it's no big deal to come off them again, plus there are a couple of different kinds they can try, and they only start you on a tiny dose anyway. Personally I find the side effects very mild for the amount that they help. Headaches when I was changing a dose, which went away when I was used to it, lack of appetite which I've never had anyway, but I now have the willpower/organisation to persuade myself to eat a proper lunch rather than exist on coffee and biscuits for days. One type did give me increased anxiety but the other type doesn't, it actually helps me stay a bit more in control of my emotions rather than them running away with me all the time. It was a bit of a process finding the right medication and the right dose but 100% worth it IMO. The one consistent benefit I had on all of them was that I am no longer exhausted all the time. I still get tired and overwhelmed on busy days, but it's not all day every day.

TBH it takes a long time to get through the waiting lists in the UK at the moment, so no harm in finding out about it. Diagnosis definitely changed my life though, even though I didn't start medication until later on. Having someone confirm no, you're not broken or imagining things, the things you're struggling with are for a reason was huge. Then I did a massive amount of reading/watching videos about it (lots of good stuff on Russell Barkley's channel although it is a bit dry, or How To ADHD is a bit more watchable and good quality). I found out I can focus on podcasts IF I have something to focus my hands and eyes on, so it's a good thing to combine with cleaning, but not decluttering/tidying/anything which requires decision making, and I couldn't have listened to podcasts around the DC when they were 0 and 3, but I do listen any time I walk anywhere without them.

The thing that helped me turn things around was the picking one thing to improve at a time, rather than constantly trying half heartedly to "try harder" or "do better" but never making any progress because I was always exhausted, there were too many things to solve at once and my efforts weren't coordinated in any meaningful way. I did this before starting medication and it helped even then, but was more effective to make changes after medication.

My cleaner is ruthless. She tells me to chuck stuff out 😂.

Well this is very different and understandable. If you literally live with a disorder that makes it very hard to keep a tidy home, that’s a whole different ballgame.

A friend is sooo tidy and cleans all the time. She still has a cleaner one morning a week who makes everything absolutely perfect. Little things that give it that polished look.

When are you at your most energetic, tidy around then.

I'm naturally someone who tidies, I hate mess and if I leave something messy it's all I can see so just don't.

It sounds stupid but things like shredding post immediately helps. Don't put any down ever deal with it as if happens.

This may be just me, but I also do not have bins inside my house, any little bit of rubbish I put into the bins outside, it can,be a pain as it does mean I am constantly washing my hands but my house doesn't have any duplication of bins.

We have 5 daughters, who are getting older now but there was a time we had 5 under 6 and a nanny in the house. That was my most challenging time. But I also didn't use things like stair gates and high chairs either. The girls say on booster seats at the table with us, so zero additional clutter and easy to keep clean.

Bedrooms are easy, don't over buy for the storage space you have and it sounds an effort but weekly or biweekly check if any clothes are grown out of or aren't being worn and need to go. Same with shoes, we have the shoes we need daily out and nothing else no shoe racks that just encourages more shoes to appear. I just have a tray inside the cupboard that shows are pit on. It's the right size for only necessary shoes.

If you are cooking, don't just sit or watch something happen use the time on the kitchen to do something, sort a cupboard or wipe something down.

The biggest one is so not have a day where you clean, clean as you see something needs doing waiting for 1 day per week to do something is nuts, it means that some of the days will be dirty or messy. Same if you have a cleaner. My cleaner doesn't clean the weeks mess she does longer term cleaning such as kitchen cupboards or larder well inside any storage area inside the house she cleans and tidies again. Every week she has a routine of which to do.

That's what I do anyway, if you come any time or any day the house will look the same other than whatever is being used at that moment

I am fascinated by messy people. For me if I have something out, I put it away. Job done. For a messy person, they leave it out and then tell themselves over and over that they need to put it away. They have to work around the mess, they have to look at it. It becomes a big job when it would've been so much simpler to just clean as you go.

Do little bits throughout the day so you are tidying away and cleaning up after each activity. Do it very quickly (even if its not perfect if you do it often it will get cleaner each time), the children will get used to this being part of life and can even help. It keeps them occupied while you clean up. Even toddlers can put their plates in dishwasher, tidy up their toys, sort socks, take stuff out of bags etc.

I try to only do one dishwasher load each day. I empty it last thing at night or first thing before breakfast (actually my DS10 has been doing it over the summer) so we can fill it all day - dirty dishes never left out waiting.
When kids were small they always had to tidy away toys before dinner. Now they are older i have a pain in my face constantly telling everyone to put stuff away, put it back, pick it up. So maybe that's the trick - be relentless and be quick.

Put on a tidy up song’ with the kids. We do this at school and it works a treat. They have to put everything they had out away by the end of the song. If they do they get a point / marbles in a jar or whatever. When the jar is full they can choose a treat.

Life is too short to.live permanently surrounded in clutter and mess.
It would make me ill.

I don't think messy people get it-I have plenty of downtime because I'm tidy.
Before I.put the hot water on my teabag the tea is back in the cupboard, there is no hours of tidying
That's the point
Shoes off and in the shoe tidy
Coat off and on the hook
Today
Out for a picnic, bag into kitchen, stuff in the bin, ice blocks back in the freezer, bag wiped and put away, it takes about 2 minutes

I just do things there and then
Everything runs smoothly , DH cooked, dishes straight in the dishwasher and we had a lovely relaxing evening .
My parents live in a midden and it's horrible

But that's the point of the post... clean the sink while the children are in the bath... you are in the same room.
Sort those clothes from the hallway if you are sitting with them while they go to sleep.
Eat your own lunch while they eat theirs - its good for them to see you eating different things, and creates extra free time for you while they nap. They can sit in their highchairs while you prep lunches. Waiting is a good skill. I used play rhymes or stories while I prepped/served meals, and I always ate with the children, it saved so much time.
Maybe not the 1 year old but almost 3 years can put stuff in dishwasher and tidy away their toys.

If you make cleaning up part of everyday daily life activities it just happens more naturally, rather than a big clean up at Nighttime.

I’m a tidy person as I like my home to look nice, and hate it when it’s messy. We have two late teens now but I was like this when they were little. I always followed the one touch rule, but didn’t know it existed as I just thought this was normal. My DS is similar to me, but we’re up against a DH who has hoarding tendencies and DD who just doesn’t notice mess, so I probably end up tidying a bit more than I need to!

My sister is another level though - a real tidy/clean freak, and her house looks and smells like a show home. She doesn’t have children but she also admits to finding cleaning relaxing.

I have a friend who’s very messy but cleans way more than me though - she just has a lot of clutter that she doesn’t seem to notice.

This
How do clothes get all over the hallway? Outer wear off and on the hook in the hall. Shoes off and put in their place( cupboard under stairs). Keys in key draw, bag hung up.

I'm extremely tidy and I do spend a lot of my evenings cleaning up. I am slowly getting better at sitting down to relax, esp if the kids are watching a film or something but I find it hard to switch off.
I feel calmer when everything is spotless.

I had a colleague who used to say things like 'life's too short to tidy' and claim that her house was very clean but just untidy.

It really wasn't clean. It was so untidy, it wasn't possible to properly clean it.

I’m the same. I can’t even understand things just being plonked all over the place. There are such easy solutions for this. Even my 4 year old knows how to put his coat and bag on a peg, tuck his shoes in the shoe rack when he gets home, put his toys back where they came from at the end of the day, put his dirty clothes in the washing basket before he gets in the bath etc.

It boggles my mind that people think this is hard work and that messy people are the ones with more time on their hands. At best, they have the same amount of time if they never bother to sort it… but they live surrounded by mess and clutter.

Oh gawd - this belongs with what’s the point in making your bed if you’re going to get in it at the end of the day.

People just use that excuse to justify being untidy or lazy. They just don't want to tidy up as they go along.

I don't spend hours each day tidying because I do it as I go along.

A philosophy I also follow tbh!

You’re taking a noble route, much like my DH, but tbh it drives me nuts - he takes so long to get round to selling that unwanted stuff can sit around for ages.

There’s a difference between unmade and left in a jumble and covers folded back neatly to air. One is purposeful and the other is lazy

Sure.

I can't get too excited about what other people do with their bed sheets tbh!

Unless you're planning on getting into their bed I wouldn't worry yourself one way or the other.

No me neither.

I feel for you OP, I'm an untidy person. I leave books lying around in odd places letters that need attention sit waiting over there, I pick up things from one place, leave them randomly somewhere then move other stuff around trying to locate whatever it is. I live alone so don't really notice it. My sister is completely the opposite, she's like Mary Poppins. Out of place items quiver in fear and try to rearrange themselves neatly when she visits. Half an hour in my house and any washing up will be dried and put away instead of just left draining by the sink, items put back on shelves or put into cupboards, towels hung neatly and surfaces cleared. Everything will look a lot more spruce. She doesnt make a fuss about it or try to make me feel guilty, she's lived for 45 years with an ex-naval man and has absorbed his ultra tidiness, she can't feel at ease in untidiness. It always surprises me; it's second nature to her. I wish I could absorb some of it but no, I fail, my slack habits remain with me. I think one of us would kill the other if we had to spend more than a week together in the same place though😅

I cant't relax with mess in the house and naturally like to be busy so I just make an effort to put everything back in its place once used. We also don't have loads of stuff we don't need as loads of clutter stresses me out. We go to the tip and charity shop a lot to stay on top of everything.

I am tidy and always have been even when the children were small. Now my daughters are adults with families themselves they are also tidy so I think they must have liked the order that a tidy house brings. Clutter and mess stress me out.

I have storage for everything so I know where to find stuff and I put things away after using. My husband is less tidy but I will put his stuff in his hobby room or garage which are only places I don’t tidy. If going upstairs I will take stuff with me if it needs putting away and spend 30 minutes or so cleaning or tidying a day so just build it in and do a different room each day.