To be fascinated by tidy people

[tangerinemagic]

I’m just not tidy. Nor is my husband. We try. Actually very hard. We have two young children and a dog but there is literally stuff everywhere, all of the time.

I live in London, so we naturally have many parent friends right on our doorstep and there is a ‘drop in’ culture where we might wrap up a playground or common trip and head to each others houses.

Ours is not fit for that kind of spontaneity but others fling open their doors at any time and it’s like no one even lives there.

when conversations come up about chores, cleaning, tidiness, I recoil. They really are extremely tidy people and with young kids. You can’t mistake walking into a tidy persons house, it just feels, different.

The floors and sofa/furniture in our house just don’t look like theirs, even if you have a whip round and tidy you can tell.

So, tidy people, tell me, how do you do it. What are the tips. Was this nurture growing up in a tidy household? Or something you learned? AIBU to be ashamed my pram, car, house is always in need of a clean.

Charity shop unless you are skint or it's a high value item. Just get rid of stuff you don't need or want, it makes a massive difference.

You have too much stuff, it’s as simple as that. Declutter and your life will be transformed!

...the same way I don’t have to think to brush my teeth

Ah you see, well, this is a bit of a sore spot for me. I assume it's part of my ADHD (the doctor thinks so) but it is very difficult for me to ingrain routines in the way that other people seem to be able to.

I do have to think to brush my teeth, if I didn't think about it, I wouldn't do it. My oral health was shocking for a very long time. My solution now is that my morning alarm on my phone has to be deactivated with a barcode, and I set the barcode to my toothpaste, to remind me. If something interrupts this routine, I don't brush my teeth. There was a period when I first got used to this where the taste and texture in my mouth would alert me and I would desperately want to brush my teeth because I was finally used to them feeling clean, but my dental health has improved to the point my mouth isn't so horrible first thing in the morning any more, so this is no longer a useful motivator.

The barcode alarm BTW is a holdover from when I used to massively struggle to wake up in the mornings. This has improved with medication, so I don't need it any more, I could use a normal alarm or even wake up at a reasonable time without an alarm, but my dentist is very happy so I will stick with the barcode (it does mean I can never change brand of toothpaste!)

I should have said mine are not even 1 and 3 yet so I can’t leave them unattended in bath and they can’t dress themselves or put on their shoes. It’s go go go non stop on weekends. Guaranteed 12 hour days (if you’re lucky) but more like 14 hours.

These are really full on ages. The first year with two is also just a bit of a write off in general. It does get easier. It's great when they start to play together without it instantly devolving into WW3.

No matter how many tiktok videos I watch for inspiration, I just am not tidy 😭😭😭😭

I know the scenario you mean, happens to us a lot and have invited quite a few baby friends in on the hop. Ive also assumed I’d be invited in to a house and then not been (my daughter wee’d in the travel potty on their front path..!

Our house is always clean-ish, we have a cleaner which means we HAVE to make sure it’s all tidy when she comes, it keeps up on track! Can you pay for a pram valet?

I do a lot of tidying while mY husband does bedtime - divide and conquer?

Yep - I get annoyed when it's really bad but overall I just cannot be arsed with the level of work it would take to maintain. I would rather sit down and read a book or something.

Life is too short!

I’m totally with you on this, no matter how many times I try to adopt a new ‘method’ of organisation I can’t seem to change. I have got a little better with experience but no where near enough

OP I am I think like you in that I feel quite tired and lazy and will just always choose sitting on my arse to catch my breath over tidying or cleaning BUT I have managed to make some headway by doing the following:

-ruthless throwing out. I used to just hang on to things as I thought it was a waste to get rid but now I bring an awful lot to clothes bank and recycling centre. And if they are going there, they go into bags in the boot of the car and we do a run every weekend or so to get rid of it.

-really forcing myself to use little ten min slots during day when kids are occupied to wipe or dust or tidy a little thing (like sorting one of the bags you mention, or maybe tidying away crap that has accumulated on the mantelpiece). I tell myself that every 5 mins work when they’re awake is 5 mins of arse sitting when they’re asleep!

-trying not to let the general tidying build up too much by putting things away as I go - I try to do “don’t put it down put it away” but like you am fighting my instinct to just dump everything somewhere and deal with it later. But I try to make present me work harder for future me rather than the opposite.

I have accepted though I am just a bit lazier and lower energy than a lot of very tidy clean organised people. I once saw a TikTok day in the life of a woman I work with and was really blown away at how much housework she did in the evenings while I had already collapsed with exhaustion on the sofa surrounded by chaos. So I’ll never be that but I do try to emulate where I can and it generally raises the overall standards!

I have 5 kids. I tidy because I have to, because I want my kids to live in a pleasant home, not because i'm a clean freak or obsessively tidy. I'd rather sit down and relax, I'm exhausted most days, but isn't that par for the course? I think you can make excuses all day long but you are choosing an untidy home.

Two kids here (2 and 4) and I would consider us quite tidy. Our house is usually pretty okay for guests at any time. Some things I do to try and maintain…

have a massive declutter, listen to some minimalist YouTubers and really think about what you have, what you use, and what you don’t need. Be ruthless.

be organised the night before. Closes out and ironed for everyone (including DH and I). It avoids the morning chaos of throwing things about looking for stuff.

wipe down the kitchen worktops after every meal, it takes 1 minute and makes a massive difference. I can’t relax with crumbs on the counters.

when it starts to get a bit out of hand, set a 5 minute timer and run round and challenge yourself to see how much you can get down. Do this multiple times a day to keep on top of the daily chaos. You will be AMAZED what you can actually do in 5 minutes, and knowing you’re only sacrificing 5 minutes to the task makes it easier to commit to. Get the kids involved and make it a game. We try and do this before we leave the house in the morning, means we come home to a tidy house.

Throw money at it if you can. We have a robot hoover, it comes on every night at 2am, getting up to crumb free floors is bliss. I also keep cleaning products in each toilet. Means I can have a very quick wipe round each bathroom everyday without going hunting for cleaner and cloths

have a nightly routine for when the kids go to bed, me and DH will run round and reset the house for the next day.

We have a cleaner once a week. The house still descends into chaos . Tbh I don’t think x3 prams and x2 high chairs help. Although the other mums I mention have the same. I just don’t get it, I don’t have energy after they’ve gone to sleep to cook, eat and do more than I do - dishwasher is full or on all the time, no plates in sink or around it, bins are never over flowing, kitchen is generally tidy but needs non stop tidying it feels and I have no energy for the rest of the house. I do throw clothes on ottomans etc rather than put away. That’s my problem.

I don't consider myself necessarily tidy, but after a few comments. I guess I am.

If you just put everything back once you've stopped using it, everything remains tidy. It is juat easier and less time consuming. Yes, there are times when I just let it go and then pick up again. My brother and SIL are not tidy, them spending an entire saturday cleaning sounds fuckton more work. Also once you get the "oh I need to do x" if you do it immediately then it is not part of your mental load.

I am here for the replies as I am not naturally tidy either.

However I am curious about the clothes comment. I have clothes out that I might wear again, a couple of pairs of jeans, hoddies, pjs but why do you keep 'trying things on'? Mostly I just dress and go and if I do try stuff on for a rare night out, yes it gets hung straight back up and put away.

I do find setting a timer and doing 15 minutes in a room helpful. Anyone can do 15 minutes before sitting down. I don't think to do it though a lot of the time, it just isn't on my radar!

My house is very tidy and always “guest ready”. That is just how we naturally live. I grew up in a messy house so when I got my own place I knew I didn’t want to live like that or have my children embarrassed to bring school friends over.

We don’t spend a lot of time cleaning, tidying and have lots of time to sit down, because it never takes that long as it’s not a big job, we just tidy as we go and do a clean on Wednesday and Saturday.

Organisation and being clutter free is key. Everything has a place and gets put back there straight after use.

after I’ve tidied their lunch and big ticket items and eaten myself

Why don't you et lunch with your children?

The online tests I’ve done all say very high certainty. I can’t read books or watch films, my mind just wanders off. I can’t read books only sit still if on my phone or watching a documentary I am gripped by. Can’t concentrate in meetings at work, no matter how hard I try. I do wonder whether I should get diagnosed and medicate… that petrifies me as every drug has a side effect or two.

Things I do to keep the house tidy:

Set a 15 minute timer every evening and tidy/clean like a mad person. Then reward yourself with tv!

Whilst cooking/waiting for things to microwave always rush around and tidy up as much as possible.

Hoover one room a day.

Empty the car after every journey

Load of washing each morning

Reset the playroom/kitchen/ living room every night before I go to bed. Always always put the dishwasher on at night.

Have limited toys available at a time - have them on rotation and some stored in attic when not in use.

Every time I take something out of the fridge to use I look to see if there's one thing I need to throw.

Keep a set of cleaning stuff in every bathroom. Keep a sponge in your shower and clean it whilst waiting for conditioner.

Essentially I just do little and often!

I am naturally quite tidy and I hate clutter - but your comments about never sitting down resonated, because I don’t really! I live by myself (partner works away) - got home this evening at 6:30, unloaded the dishwasher, took the recycling out, cleaned the windowsills, vacuumed all upstairs, cleaned my dressing table and built a shoe storage. I don’t stop until things are done! I have a schedule for daily/weekly/monthly tasks I stick to mostly but there is always something to do to keep
on top of things.

All kods are full on though and not all parents are untidy.

When I come in, I always think there's time to put stuff away as I could have been delayed getting home, so see it as being early and using the 'extra time' to tidy.

Same as if back from holiday, everything away, dirty stuff in the laundry basket, shower then relax.

Once you get into a habit it's easier.

DSis is the opposite and will have suitcase from holiday unpacked for a whole week.

My dad is tidy, mum isn't, so maybe it's from that.

What about clothes in bedroom? Do you hang things up once you try them on?

What do you mean by trying them on @tangerinemagic ?

I don't take clothes out of my wardobe to try on. I just wear them. I will wear things like jeans and jumpers more than once, so they will go on the chair rather than back in the wardrobe, but they don't pile up.

The floors and sofa/furniture in our house just don’t look like theirs

Why? What is different?

I seem to have turned into a tidy person but at the moment I live in the equivalent of a shoe box and if it's messy it's unbearable. In a previous life I did love my clutter, books etc. I just came on to post that one of my oldest friends is the most tidy person I know, I have never come across anyone else like it. Even with 3 children in a cramped 3 bedroom cottage there was never ANYTHING out of place. And I stayed over several days, over several years / decades, so it wasn't performative. I literally do not know how she does it. Even now, with 5 grandchildren of assorted ages, her little house is perfectly 'curated'. She has amazing taste in decor, and lots of frankly very fun funky things on the walls too. NO bin in the kitchen, she takes any rubbish straight outside to the big bins. There isn't even a tea towel lying around. It's really quite intimidating. When I ask her she does a sort of airy fairy wave that explains nothing, I think she is from a different planet. (I love her dearly)