MIL bathing habits

[Bitesize89]

My in laws come to stay with us pretty frequently and I've noticed over time that mil never bathes when she comes. She can be here 3-4 days without a shower or bath. It recently was revealed that she only ever uses baths and no soap in her bath. This came up after she bagged my DD and didn't use any soap on her and she said well there was bubble bath in the water, I was shocked as I don't think that's a proper way to bathe and she said when she bathes she doesn't use soap and only bubble bath. So not only does she not bathe for days on and but when she bathes she just has a bubble bath and no soap.im really grossed out.

So you need soap if you have a bubble bath? I'm curious cos whats the point of bubble bath if you then need soap? Doesn't the soap pop all the bubbles?

Btw, I shower - I hate baths, you're lying in your own dirt so once old enough not to be put in a bath I was showering!!!

Your MIL may well wash versus bath or shower daily.

@Bitesize89

Bubble bath, shower gel= liquid soap in everything but name.

I think quite a few people as they get older, don't bathe so much. They maybe don't sweat so much as have a more relaxing lifestyle and on a more personal note women don't have an area which produces so much moisture so less likely to have an odour.

I shower now, but I used to just bathe in bubble bath when I was younger - didn't stop me attracting new men in my life, so obviously I was clean enough.

She said she’s grossed out that she doesn’t use soap and doesn’t bathe for 3-4 days nothing about her disliking her as a person.
The fact they regularly have her stay says quite the opposite

Bubble bath is soap. So if you bathe in it you are bathing in soap, it doesn't have to be a cake of the stuff (though I use that if washing hands in the sink in my dressing room). You will be perfectly washed by bubble bath. If MiL doesn't smell - and sure you would have said so - then it's not an issue. Perhaps she feels uncomfortable showering or bathing in your house? Do you leave out nice towels in the spare bedroom, nice products in the bathroom, obviously for PiL to use?

Here are the only circumstances in which it is ok to comment on or otherwise monitor / get involved with someone's personal hygiene habits: (at least in my view...)

1. They are a child and you have a role in their life that involves helping them learn how to be ready for the world and take care of themselves (close family, nursery workers... I would sometimes include more distant relationships like being the parent of their friend but only in more extreme or hygiene-related situations).
2. They are an adult with vulnerabilities that mean you have a role in helping them to care for themselves, like someone with a disability that makes washing or routines difficult, or a family member with dementia or mental health struggles who is self-neglecting as a result.
3. Someone you are employed to support with personal hygiene specifically.
4. Someone else in your life who you are close to, and who you care about, where you have reason to be concerned on their behalf because their hygiene is impacting either on your / others' wellbeing or on their own, Eg they smell strongly and do nothing about it. I would also include people who have changed their usual habits in a way that leads you to worry they are down or stressed. But in this scenario in particular (also to some extent in scenarios 2 and 3) you have to accept that you have no power to make anyone do anything and that they have the right to disregard your views.

All washing habits are just social conventions. Different time periods have had wildly different expectation, as do different cultures and places today. Not everyone gets as smelly as quickly. Some products are more powerful and long-lasting than others. Some people can just rely on strip washes / key area splashes whilst others can't get away with this. There is no logical reason that one bath or shower a day is better than once every few days (or indeed three or four times a day) - they is no magic cutoff at which we go from dirty to clean and back again. As long as relevant areas are cleaned sufficiently after using the loo, after messy activities and ideally before meals / food preparation, and as long as there is no offensive smell, I don't see any issue.

Bubble bath creates the human equivalent of washing up water 😁

My DM is not an obsessive shower/bather and has never ever smelt. She has a strip wash as many older people did when hot water was treated as an expensive and limited commodity.

OP how old is your MIK?

I didn’t use soap on ny children when they were little if there were bubbles in the bath-I thought that’s what most people did. And unless she smells her bathing habits are none of your business.

DD has eczema, I used zero soap on her for years, she was not smelly. Not all guests to my house shower daily, particularly if they are older, and I don’t remember any of them smelling bad! There is rarely a need to shower daily!

Even though there are multiple posters who say their X doesn’t wash every day and they don’t smell?

And OPs MIL only bathes every 3-4 but doesn’t smell.

Some people are naturally just more smelly and therefore need to bath/shower more.

The person you are around that doesn’t shower/bathe regularly must be a more naturally smelly person.

Most of the time bodies don’t actually smell that bad, it’s the clothes they’re wearing that do.

How old is she?

Does she have an all-over wash in between?

Do you have a shower?

I'm a bit fussy over using other people's baths so I'd prefer a shower if staying somewhere.

If you need to wash with soap separately and in addition to bubble bath, maybe it’s a you problem, OP @Bitesize89

I’ve noticed my in laws don’t bathe much, but they’re very elderly (87 and 90) so I’ve always assumed it’s largely generational. I think they have strip washes. They’re perfectly presentable and don’t smell.

Most of the time bodies don’t actually smell that bad, it’s the clothes they’re wearing that do.

Have you never smelled a smelly armpit?

Bubble bath will give some level of cleansing, but it's probably better to actually wash with a sponge/flannel and either soap or shower gel too. I actually stopped taking bubble baths because all that happens is my skin dries out.

Women should not use bubble bath. It's known to exacerbate irritation with the labia/ vagina/bladder etc.

Plain water only.

People bath and shower too much ... waste of water, dries out the skin. Older people do not sweat as much and if she is having a quick wash and using a good deodorant I see no problem at all unless she stinks.

I’m with you OP. There’s a lot of replies on here that are questionable with their own hygiene too. I grew up in 70’s/80’s and always bathed or showered daily so it’s not a we used to do this in older times. It’s rank.

I’m with you OP, that’s disgusting!

My inlaws were like this and did smell. All the family would notice when we went to stay for a few weeks. Everyone needs to clean themselves

You don't use soap if you're using bubble bath so not sure what your issue is with that?

Most of us are going to have to adjust to being more careful with water and spacing the showers out. And if we can reduce the amount and number of products we put on our skin, along with all the plastic packaging they require, so much the better. Sounds like she's on the right track!

I don't bath or shower because I have very dry sensitive skin and I get flare ups if I shower.

I used body wipes every day, moisturiser on arms and legs , deodorant and clean clothes and i don't smell.

I also have impossible dry frizzy hair which I only wash twice a year and doesn't get greasy. It's much more manageable like this.

In all goodness op this is probably a sign that you need more to think about. Unless of course there is a history of anxiety around cleanliness that is at the root of this?

Bubble bath is liquid soap surely?