MIL bathing habits

[Bitesize89]

My in laws come to stay with us pretty frequently and I've noticed over time that mil never bathes when she comes. She can be here 3-4 days without a shower or bath. It recently was revealed that she only ever uses baths and no soap in her bath. This came up after she bagged my DD and didn't use any soap on her and she said well there was bubble bath in the water, I was shocked as I don't think that's a proper way to bathe and she said when she bathes she doesn't use soap and only bubble bath. So not only does she not bathe for days on and but when she bathes she just has a bubble bath and no soap.im really grossed out.

Yes dd bathes her young dc in water only because of this

No, it is not "gross".

I'm old enough to have grown up in a home with no central heating. If you wanted a bath, you put the immersion heater on and waited two hours until there was enough hot water. If someone wanted a bath after you, they had to wait for the water to heat up again.

We weren't having daily baths or one or two showers a day. In between baths, we had daily "strip down" washes.

As people age, many of us sweat less and our skin becomes dry. It is not necessary for many elderly people to have a daily bath or shower.

As people age, they may also require a bath step, a non slip rubber mat in the bath or grab handles on the bath or on the wall. They may need a bath bench or bath seat in order to bathe safely.

I don't know how old your MIL is but unless she has a hygiene issue it is entirely her choice how often she bathes when staying in your house. And if she chooses to use bubble bath instead of soap, that is her choice, too.

I am in my early 70s and have had a a successful hip replacement. I still need the following aids in order to use a bath or shower safely and comfortably:

a non slip rubber bath mat
a small stool to get into the bath
a grab rail fixed to the bath
shower cream as soap is far too drying and makes me itchy

It really is none of your business.

I know the difference and you don’t need to use soap on your vulva either, cleaning with water is sufficient and any detergents in that area can be irritating. Some are more sensitive than others.

I know a lot of elderly people like this. I don’t think it’s anything to do with you OP, it’s not like she smells. Just leave her to it.

Good post, @LadySuzanne . I hope your recovery is going well.

Still clean you skin though HTH !

As long as she doesn't smell it is really none of your business.

tbh sounds like you have more issues around cleaning (to the other extreme) than your MIL does, something to try to sort out before you pass it onto your children.

Bubble bath detergent and shower gels are actually nowhere near as efficient at cleaning bacteria off a body (bacteria being what causes the smell) as tablet soap. It's ok if you're not a smelly person but if you're prone to being whiffy, then merely sitting in a bubble bath is really not going to cut it! I know - my autistic teen who has significant LDs and couldn't give a shit about BO, only really has baths, not showers, and unless one of us goes in and scrubs his armpits with yellow Dettol soap, he can lie in all the bubble bath he wants, he's still going to stink.

We often smell a lot more as we age, too, so I would imagine that an elderly woman who isn't washing properly for several days at a trot is going to whiff. My dad, early 80's, smells of stale sweat and general cheesy greasiness a lot these days. He only has a shower about once a week unless my mother forces the issue (he actually needs live-in care which is another kettle of fish entirely!). He stinks, it's heartbreaking. People do need to wash their pits and bits properly, which means with tablet soap, not some crap out of a bottle.

I don't use soap on my daughter unless it's shampoo on hair wash night. I also don't wear deodorant because I don't smell.... And I only use water in my "sensitive area" 🤣. I think people are too "clean" nowerdays, it's not good for your skin to constant strip your natural oils with soap and it also disrupts your microbiome. So, as long as she doesn't smell, it sounds like your MIL is making good choices.

Well you can wash your "bits" without having to have a shower or bath every day. No need for daily showers in my opinion. People wash far too much,

Really? I thought that like shower gel, basic shampoo, hand wash etc. bubble bath normally contains SLS and that makes the foam as well as being a very effective cleaner for dirt, grease and oil. Unless we’re talking about niche premium/natural products described as SLS free I really do think they’re all much of a much. Unless I’m missing something??

Also what is it with the people saying you have to soap your legs every day (rather than just water from the shower).

How dirty are you?

YABU What's the problem? It’s her
business when and how she washes. Maybe, with the cost of fuel being so high, she doesn’t like to use too much hot water at your house, maybe she has a good wash at the sink. Please have a little respect for her and appreciate her. She obviously cares enough to spend a few days with you all. Don’t be so unkind.

You sound like an idiot. Bubble bath has basically the same composition as soap, does the same job.

Maybe your MIL doesn’t feel comfortable enough to bathe at your house.

It depends what you mean by bathed? I mean, she might not have hopped in your tub or used your shower but she might have still been giving herself a good wash using water from the sink. Does she smell or look unclean?
How old is your dd? I would have thought that most bubble baths would do for washing, especially baby ones which are often body washes as well. If anything they might be a little harsh on her skin.
If you’re not happy with dd hygiene levels when she returns to you then next time I’d probably send a specific product with her and say something like
’would you mind giving her a wee bath/shower using this? She gets so dirty/sweaty/sticky sometimes!’.
Then if she does do as you ask, I’d be reconsidering sending her again, or at least not overnight.

I’ve worked with plenty of older people who will have a sink wash daily but shower much less frequently. If she doesn’t smell then I think you are overreacting

I had my last DD, in 1997. The Matey bubble bath that was around was brilliant, you'd just put your under 10's into soak. If it's working for her, leave her to it, as said you haven't mentioned her having body odour. I'm a shower every day person.

PIL strip washed at the sink for years. Thought they didn’t smell. Their house smelt musty. They smelt musty. Lots of older people dribble and leak urine. How do you wash your feet at the sink in your 80’s?

I went to a very middle class boarding school on the 80's and it was a bath once a week. Hair wash once a week. Rest of the time it was wash up and wash down.

and for those of us who have health issues that make showering etc difficult / painful / causing fatigue - a "flannel" wash of pits and bits is usually as good as it gets between showers / baths.

I would 'dexter' my bedding before she sleeps in it😂

Musty smells are more likely to be clothing not washed often enough or not dried properly.

Sounds like, in their 80s, they needed more help than they were getting, or wanted.

Why are you incapable of accepting that different people have different experiences? Just because something was normal for you does not make it the norm for society.

Yet another poster who makes a contentious post but 11 pages in hasn’t come back to justify what they have said.

Ok, but they contain cleansing agents.