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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick of people looking down on the town I live in?

434 replies

Beboopbadoopie · 24/08/2025 19:35

I'm 40 and have lived here for 10 years, before I had kids and after (I have 2 under 5) and recently we've randomly bumped into several old school friends in different places and when we say where we live they say something like, 'oh really?' and one person even said 'why!?' and another told me its a dive! It's happened lots in the past too. Where we live is not terrible, it's just the worst looking town locally (live in a very pretty area) and the high street is pretty much dead. I think people think it's rough but I've noticed a lot of posts about crime in other 'nicer' local towns so feel it's kind of a similar level (I have never felt unsafe here but there's the odd shop break in or smashed shop windows but nothing major and I've noticed these incidents in nicer towns nearby too)

We bought here because it's a lot cheaper than everywhere else (for a reason it seems!)We renovated our house so we are in a good position financially now which means I only have to work part time and am around more with the kids which I want. We have a lovely house, amazing neighbours, a great park and leisure centre around the corner, 3 good cafes (not loads but better than nothing), a great library for the kids, several supermarkets, a train station to that goes directly to major cities.

I'm getting pretty fed up with the negativity from other people because it makes me feel a bit shit, and I'm bringing my kids up here and that's what people are going to think when they say where they live and I don't want people to look down on them. I have thought of moving but feel it's an extreme reaction and also we'd have to double our mortgage. How can I stop it from bothering me? It's so annoying!

OP posts:
Coatsoff42 · 24/08/2025 20:01

Good! Town with naice reputations are full of wankers. Be glad you are flying under the radar.

BlueandPinkSwan · 24/08/2025 20:01

A certain town in West Sussex is a complete toilet, finally escaped after 10 years of trying.😁

Absentmindedsmile · 24/08/2025 20:04

Slough
Bognor Regis
Grimsby
Croydon
Crawley
Rochdale
Salford
Bradford
Milton Keynes

?

RhaenysRocks · 24/08/2025 20:05

It really doesn't matter where it is. I get it OP, I used to live in a similar town that was miles cheaper than the three surrounding ones because it had a lot of estates and a 60s built town centre but it had great facilities, was easy to get around, good schools, well connected . We had a huge 4 bed house, could walk into open country or to the shops or wherever on dedicated, pedestrianised footpaths / cycleways. Literally it was down to snobbery but if others want to spend another 150k on an identical house for bragging rights, that's fine.

arcticpandas · 24/08/2025 20:06

Chesterfield?
Anyway I think it's extremely rude to respond "why?" when someone tells you where they live. It says more about them as persons than something about the place you live. Ignore them.

hangerup · 24/08/2025 20:07

Even Croydon has nice parts though, I think people don't realise it's a borough...

SummerFrog25 · 24/08/2025 20:07

TennisLady · 24/08/2025 19:47

Try living in the NE! Had lots of snobbery from southerners over the years. They’re clueless.

Would you mind not generalising.

IwanttotakeyoutoaNailaBar · 24/08/2025 20:07

I hear you Op.

I live in a niace town and like all the others round here it’s been bought up by Londoners and is slowly going downhill - crime going up, everything becoming more autonomous, building everywhere, all the pleasant walks becoming busy and full of people showing off.
Conversely our nearby “crap” town has been renovated and is really much nicer to live and visit.

Just enjoy where you live. Places change.

SummerFrog25 · 24/08/2025 20:10

RhaenysRocks · 24/08/2025 20:05

It really doesn't matter where it is. I get it OP, I used to live in a similar town that was miles cheaper than the three surrounding ones because it had a lot of estates and a 60s built town centre but it had great facilities, was easy to get around, good schools, well connected . We had a huge 4 bed house, could walk into open country or to the shops or wherever on dedicated, pedestrianised footpaths / cycleways. Literally it was down to snobbery but if others want to spend another 150k on an identical house for bragging rights, that's fine.

Why did you move? Sounds great! I'd live all the pathways/cycleways.

TeenLifeMum · 24/08/2025 20:14

According to my local fb my town where I’m raising my dc is full of druggies. It’s a small town in the south west with 2 country parks, cinema, loads of cafes, 2 theatres with lots of amateur dramatics (at an incredibly high standard) but it’s not a tourist place so we don’t have weekend Londoners and empty holiday homes. Apparently it’s a dive. I grew up in the south east and feel so much safer here. We’re off kayaking on our local river tomorrow. Hearing people slag off the place you’ve chosen to live (property prices are lower here than across the border in Dorset) is frustrating because it’s like someone saying you’re stupid and make bad choices. I’m happy with my choices but I hear you op.

LochKatrine · 24/08/2025 20:16

Barnsley

MiddleAgeRageMonster · 24/08/2025 20:19

I live in a small town with a shocking reputation!
We live on the outskirts of said town and are surrounded by hills, a little dell with a stream is directly opposite my house which is lovely to hear in the summer. My view from the living room window is just trees....
I admittedly avoid the town centre at night but our neighbouring towns are good for a night out!
We are happy here and I don't mind the gentle ribbing from friends and colleagues about the town, I am secure enough in myself to know I am not one of the problem residents and in the 20 years I have been here things are slowly getting better as more people from out of the area are moving in squeezing the problem families out.

TheRealMagic · 24/08/2025 20:21

Absentmindedsmile · 24/08/2025 20:04

Slough
Bognor Regis
Grimsby
Croydon
Crawley
Rochdale
Salford
Bradford
Milton Keynes

?

I think all of those have more than three cafes and 'several supermarkets'!

northernballer · 24/08/2025 20:25

Corby?

NotMeekNotObedient · 24/08/2025 20:25

I feel your pain!

I often think these sort of places tend to be 'new towns' nearby lovely expensive market towns and pretty villages. I'm comparison are they as charming? No. But I can afford to live there, in one of the nicest streets. Like you I can work part time. We have excellent parks, transport, leisure park, lots of restaurants. And very close to all the fancy villages.

I think people just like to compare to make themselves feel better.

Are there some areas of the town I wouldn't live in, yes, but I don't live in them.

There are rougher streets in every town.

It's a snobbery thing.

But yes, I also get that look from colleagues like 'you live there?!' I do feel a little embarrassed even though I know logically I shouldn't!

Iamanunsafebuilding · 24/08/2025 20:26

I raise you living in Swindon! It gets slated, particularly on here, but I live in an area with a massive network of well-lit shared cycle and footpaths. In 10 mins driving you can be in open countryside. My kids went to the decent local schools. It’s safe, I’m a runner and I run mostly alone all year round even in the dark. It’s quiet with loads of open green spaces.

The thread earlier today about moving to the Cotswolds is a prime example, people suggesting beautiful (expensive) market towns and villages and the OP was like but I don’t want Swindon as my big town! Swindon suits us and has some lovely hidden gems. I get you OP.

KimberleyClark · 24/08/2025 20:29

Newport?

Doyouthinktheyknow · 24/08/2025 20:30

I wonder if you live in my town😜😂 South coast….. not Bognor Regis (I am ashamed to say I turn my nose up at Bognor)🫣

We moved here 20+ years ago because it was all we could afford and it really was quite embarrassing to say I lived here!

I’ve always enjoyed living here though and it’s improved over the years so people don’t look down on it the same as they used to although there will always be people who are negative about the place!

RhaenysRocks · 24/08/2025 20:31

SummerFrog25 · 24/08/2025 20:10

Why did you move? Sounds great! I'd live all the pathways/cycleways.

Relocation due to work but it was brilliantly laid out for non car use.

Itiswhatitis69 · 24/08/2025 20:32

Is it Luton?

realslimshade · 24/08/2025 20:33

KilkennyCats · 24/08/2025 19:44

If it has such a negative reputation, it’ll likely be for a good reason.
You being personally happy to live there won’t change that.

nah. My area has a reputation from when there was a high rise block of flats with drug dealers in
those were knocked down 22 years ago and people still insist it’s an awful place to live. It’s not

Bambamhoohoo · 24/08/2025 20:36

This is just something parochial dullards say. Every town / city/ county has got some area that everyone looks down on, often for spurious reasons.

TheStroppyFeminist · 24/08/2025 20:36

Itiswhatitis69 · 24/08/2025 20:32

Is it Luton?

I came here to ask that! 😂

Bambamhoohoo · 24/08/2025 20:37

TheStroppyFeminist · 24/08/2025 20:36

I came here to ask that! 😂

Do you think it’s likely or unlikely that Luton has 3 cafes? 😂

Unicornskies · 24/08/2025 20:38

Needacupofteaandcrackers · 24/08/2025 19:39

Is it a slough ?

Edited

Ha that was my immediate thought too. Or Hemel Hempstead?

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