To be sick of people looking down on the town I live in?

[Beboopbadoopie]

I'm 40 and have lived here for 10 years, before I had kids and after (I have 2 under 5) and recently we've randomly bumped into several old school friends in different places and when we say where we live they say something like, 'oh really?' and one person even said 'why!?' and another told me its a dive! It's happened lots in the past too. Where we live is not terrible, it's just the worst looking town locally (live in a very pretty area) and the high street is pretty much dead. I think people think it's rough but I've noticed a lot of posts about crime in other 'nicer' local towns so feel it's kind of a similar level (I have never felt unsafe here but there's the odd shop break in or smashed shop windows but nothing major and I've noticed these incidents in nicer towns nearby too)

We bought here because it's a lot cheaper than everywhere else (for a reason it seems!)We renovated our house so we are in a good position financially now which means I only have to work part time and am around more with the kids which I want. We have a lovely house, amazing neighbours, a great park and leisure centre around the corner, 3 good cafes (not loads but better than nothing), a great library for the kids, several supermarkets, a train station to that goes directly to major cities.

I'm getting pretty fed up with the negativity from other people because it makes me feel a bit shit, and I'm bringing my kids up here and that's what people are going to think when they say where they live and I don't want people to look down on them. I have thought of moving but feel it's an extreme reaction and also we'd have to double our mortgage. How can I stop it from bothering me? It's so annoying!

Couldn’t possibly have an opinion unless OP says where it is 🙂

Why are people so snobby about where other people live?

I just don't get it.

My nearest large town is Barnsley. The town centre has had a lot of investment and is a pleasant place to visit. Also, 80% of Barnsley MBC is rural and covers part of the Peak District and the Pennines. It isn't at all rows of back to back terrace houses and slag heaps.

Why that sort of attitude? No matter what a town is like here will be a variety of people living there.

You really cannot surmise that the nicer the town the more wankers live there

OP,

Except that I'm not in the UK I could have written your post. I grew up in the wealthiest area of the country. Nobody expects me to live there but somewhere adjacent. Instead I live in one of the cheapest parts of the city. It appears in the media a bit as it's got a diverse population so the racists have a field day. People often query if we will be moving or assume we are financially struggling.

In fact, like you, I love that the mortgage doesn't cause us stress and when we bought it was all we could afford but we knew things would change the following year.

What we discovered about living here: stunning beach, castles and scenery in geneal, a few nice cafes, lots of facilities, supermarkets, local farm shops, easily accessible by motorway to the rest of the country, amazing school for our DC, an absolutely gorgeous lifestyle with our neighbours on the green facing our house, loads of fitness groups locally. There is no way I'm risking all that for somewhere possibly a bit better.

Our house is worth about 380k now. I don't know anywhere that has all we have to offer unless we go to the very posh areas and pricetags starting at 2 million.

It's really strange. It's such an ugly looking place.to visit if you find yourself on the main street but to live in it's absolutely amazing. The only issue I have is I'm not keen on the nightlife. There are two restaurants I love for a family dinner out where the food is great and the staff always make a fuss of us. These are walkable. But if we want a glitzy night out we go on the train.

Anyway I'm just saying I get exactly what you mean. Surface level not attractive but scratch the surface and an absolute gem.

I also worry about my dc however when she realises that her area is deemed 'a bit rough'. I am going to focus on building resilience and self belief in her instead of moving to a shit house in a nicer postcode with crap living standards.

I grew up in what is widely known as the worst town in the UK. Unfortunately, throughout my life I’ve faced similar negative reactions from people when I tell them and interestingly, often those people have never even visited the town, except to use the airport!
Now that I’m older and have my own family, I believe that people like to look down on others because it makes them feel better about their own situation. Sort of like, “oh, where we live isn’t great, but at least it’s not there!”
It’s snobbery really, sometimes mixed with classism and racism. Pay no attention. It did me a lot of good to mix with people from lots of different backgrounds when I was at school and I am still friends with lots of those people today, despite no longer living in the same town.

I live in a town with a reputation of being a " good " place to live. The people who live here have a tendency to be really smug about it being better than all the places round about.
But every day I come across entitled, rude unpleasant behaviour because this being better than other people seeps into their attitude in daily life.
Whereas when I visit the neighbouring nearby town which has a poor reputation and is quite economically deprived I've encountered overwhelmingly polite and pleasant behaviour from the residents.

Presumably the limiting quality of the town will be that unlike houses in towns/villages where property goes up quickly, maybe your house won’t? Will this eventually be a barrier to paying for expensive universities/flat deposits for your kids in the future? If so that would bother me more than what others thought. A park is a park, they are everywhere (usually you find nicer ones in posher areas), so I would not let a child liking a park stop me from considering the future and its financial implications.

I live in a little Forces town surrounded by 'better' Cotswold villages and nearby market town. A large percentage of people here are ex forces families, some going back generations. It is sneered at a lot. It's not pretty like the villages (with their million pound+ houses) but it has decent facilities, a couple of decent supermarkets that I can easily walk to, a lovely country park, sports facilities, and crucially my adult autistic son can be independent here, which he couldn't be if we could afford to live further out. Drive for 5 mins and there are SO many beautiful dog walks and places to visit on the doorstep. It suits us!

On the flip side there are a of jokes about inbreeding in the villages...

It’s weird isn’t it. My daughter lives in a fantastic large detached house with nearly an acre of well kept gardens just a mile or two out of city centre. On a mature tree-lined Edwardian estate. She has renovated it back to its original Arts and Crafts beginnings… yet because there were riots nearby 40 years ago the area still has stigma!
She sold her Victorian terrace in the more upmarket neighboring suburb cashing in to buy this mansion.
Most people are like sheep. They don’t like to go against the grain and use their common sense because they are not confident enough in themselves. You are wise OP.

The one next to the airport begining with C.😆

I was going to ask this! It's where I was born but I feel ashamed saying I'm from there. It used to be a lovely town years ago but it's gone to the absolute dogs now.

Why do so many of you care where the OP lives?

Further to that, why are you guessing Midlands and Northern towns and cities when she has said where she lives is in the South?

The thread isn't to invite you to judge her hometown. She is asking how she can move on from judgy comments. Whether the town passes your test or not isn't the point.

OP, I think reminding yourself of the points in your OP is the key. You like it, the schools are so good that people travel in for them and the community suits you. People will always have opinions, be secure in your own choices and they won't bother you as much.

Because most people like to kick down.

When I first moved to Dudley from London, you should have heard the shitty comments. But, I left people who were working their arses off to pay eye watering rent on tiny, mould infested Victorian terraces (I was one of them), or paying massive mortgages.

We moved here and have a lovely house with a tiny mortgage, I don’t have to work, and we enjoy life. A lot of people don’t like that, so they find the negatives.

I have had some really nasty things said, jokes about “if I visit will my car get nicked?” - you know where my car was nicked, twice? Outside my house in London. Not here.

Dudley is a bit of a dump (and I can say that as dh is originally from here!), but the part of London I lived in, although it had its leafy parks and private schools had a couple of high profile murders, stabbing, crimes and its own issues when I was there and had got worse in the 5 years since we left.

I am still in touch with a few people I used to know that slag off were I live so much, but where I lived before really isn’t any different. It’s just that a tiny house costs over a million.

@RampantIvy I think Barnsley is under rated - I’m a bit of a snob having lived first 30 years in Mansfield which went to the dogs ( in my opinion) and yep i do prefer living in Somerset , but Barnsley suprised me. Anyone looking for value and good folk and on edge of Peak District should consider it. I preferred it to Sheffield.

Actually, I have lived in the East Midlands for half my life now, having previously lived in the South East, North West, Yorkshire and the South West, so I can say with some authority that the East Midlands, which most people would consider to be Notts, Derbys, and Leicester, (Not Rutland, Lincs, Staffs or Salop), is by far the worst, specifically the Nottinghamshire part of it. I agree that there are some lovely towns and there is some really beautiful countryside too, but the prevailing attitude is one of ingrained resentment and complete inertia, which I find incredibly draining. I can't understand why people can't just stop moaning about the mines being closed, get off their fat arses, and do something constructive about making things better for themselves.

@Themaghag as someone born and bred in Mansfield who moved away at 29 I totally get you -

Further to that, why are you guessing Midlands and Northern towns and cities when she has said where she lives is in the South?

Almost every town in the UK has been named in any case. (Though oddly, not the one I'm currently sitting in, which has surprised me.) So I think all this proves is everywhere has better and worse areas.

I would only consider opinions if:

• it's from someone whose advice I would normally consider
• they know the area well

I would guess most people won't meet these criteria and can therefore be ignored.

@EBearhug honestly there’s none too thrilling areas everywhere - and I’ve lived all over . Even the posh places of any size have got some dodgy bits, as the poster above said about Norwich , I can certainly say the same here in Bath. I think maybe the difference is a few not very attractive/dodgy bits rather than a few nice bits And let’s face it really depends on your priorities if you are prepared to compromise a bit on location , but have more cash - and often depends if you in a relationship/ marriage if you are on the same hymn sheet - hell would freeze over before my H would live somewhere a bit grimmer - I personally would be happy to compromise and have more cash , but given that I’m not in a position to move without his income in the equation I’ve had to kind of accept the situation.

I live near Hull which is actually a pretty riverside city with an undeserved bad name. Granted, I live in a nearby village but I love it here.

It used to be a County Borough (i.e. a unitary authority in its own right). Then in 1965 it got dragged kicking and screaming into the GLC and it's been downhill ever since!

It does have some nice parts and also some seriously up market expensive parts!

My town isn't amazing I guess, but it has some very beautiful parts and I chose to move back here. I can't get the locals who complain about it, they could move somewhere else if they really hate it so much, there's probably much cheaper places to live. I'm autistic and it baffles me why they complain but then continue to live here

People think Im taking the piss when I say we visited Hull on holiday once and really loved it. I thought it was a great place, that was only the city centre, we didnt travel around it as such.

What gets me is the way the first line of a poem is trotted out, and people thinking they are being witty by mispronouncing the name.

Me too! It could be Luton though! 🤣

"Come friendly bombs and fall on Sluff,
It isn't fit for humans nuff..."

Doesn't really work. I prefer Betjeman's version.