AIBU to pull out of returning to work after mat leave?

[harveygirl93]

Hi all,
looking for some advice.
I’ve been a teacher for 10 years. Currently on mat leave, due to finish in Jan. Back in May, I agreed to return part-time (head has even told parents and named the class after me).
Since then, our situation has changed — we don’t qualify for funded childcare anymore and basically all of my wages would just go on nursery. DH has said I don’t have to go back if I don’t want to, and I feel like I’d really regret missing this time with DC.
Trouble is, head has put me in Year 6. I’d be joining right before SATs and expected to go on residential/late school trips. I originally asked for 2 days a week but was told no, so it’s still a bigger commitment than I’d hoped for.
Thing is, I’ve already said yes to my head. Can I change my mind now? If I hand in notice before Oct half-term, does that mean I don’t have to return in Jan? Or have I boxed myself in by accepting?
I hate letting people down but also feel like these early years are more important than a job that’ll always be there.
(We’re also mid house move so can afford to pay back mat pay if needed.)
AIBU?

• YABU – you’ve committed, you need to go back.
• YANBU – it’s fine to change your mind and stay home.

Thanks in advance!

lol so many women do this and usually don’t give a fuck so….

To my mind, you might just break even on childcare costs v salary now, but childcare costs will go down as the child gets older and your salary will go up.
Id stick with it - it’ll be worth it in the long run.

To be honest, i dont think it matters if you dont go back. The kids would have had half a year with a different teacher anyway, so its not like the kids need you. I would however tell the head as soon as possible so they can find a decent teacher to replace you.

Well you have a choice to work. You arent a slave or beholden to them, so if you don't want to do it, don't. They have plenty of time to advertise for someone else. Just tell them sooner rather than later.

Maybe it's worth talking it over with a financial advisor before you make a decision? You could be loosing out a lot on pension contributions by not working. Also a 1 year old isn't going to remember how many times you took them to soft play or a farm. You could end up not spending as much quality time with them as you would like due to having to make sure the rest of the housework is done.

No offence but the school will cope just fine without you!
The head has more than enough time to find a solution.

I wouldn’t go back personally. It doesn’t sound like you and your head on the same team right now.

My toddler is 2.5 and I went back just after she turned 1. If my work denied me going back two days a week, and handed me massive case load immediately I would have told them to shove it. Going back to work is a huge learning curve and the germs omg the germs they bring home from nursery! To be honest if you don’t have to do it yet, don’t.

Also a 1 year old isn't going to remember how many times you took them to soft play or a farm. You could end up not spending as much quality time with them as you would like due to having to make sure the rest of the housework is done.

And this here is nonsense. Don’t listen
There is plenty of research about the benefits of children who stay home with their primary caregiver for first 3 years.

I’m assuming from your OP that this is your first baby. I absolutely dreaded going back after my first, even with going down to 3 days per week. But actually, it was brilliant!

I’m back on maternity leave again with a newborn and a 2 year old and my god, I could not do this full time. There’s a massive difference between keeping a baby entertained and keeping a toddler entertained. It is not the relaxing coffee dates that it once was 😂

I’d go back if I were you. Is there any way you could access support from family in terms of childcare?

@harveygirl93 I’m amazed they haven’t offered you a job share! How miserable of them. Plus you don’t have to confirm what you are doing right now. What about doing floating supply? Many mums do keep teaching but it depends on your career aspirations. Job shares are common in many schools now so heads keep the best teachers they value. In the circumstances it seems a step too far to have y6 full time. Child care is expensive for everyone. Is your dh not contributing?

we don’t qualify for funded childcare anymore and basically all of my wages would just go on nursery.

So your husband earns more than £100k but you think you’d be the one paying for childcare? If you split the childcare cost proportionally to earnings does that change your view? May be only 10% of each of your income rather than zero of his and all of yours. What’s the value of the employer pension contributions you’d be throwing away? Is your husband going to cover them?

If you don’t have to go back op and you don’t think it will work for you, then don’t. I think teaching is one of those careers where it’s possible to take a career break and go back fairly easily (at least I know a few people who have take up to 5 years out and gone back). It doesn’t need to be a permanent decision. I would just tell the head asap so they have enough time to get a replacement.

YANBU to have changed your mind, but given the class you have been allocated and the difficulty recruiting new teachers, I’d let the head know ASAP - this would be kinder to all.
Don’t wait till October half term.

Agreed. You don’t do it for them to ‘remember’. You do it because subconsciously they get an unparalleled feeling of consistency, love and safety.

If you resign before half term you can leave at Christmas.

This is not how it works in a lot of families. In my house we have one pot of money, so we both pay childcare. But the household question is still am I willing to work X hours a week to see no more money go into that pot. And the answer in our house was no, we’re not willing to do that do DH gave up work as he was the lower earner. It wasn’t that he was going to pay childcare when I went back to work, it is that WE were and WE were also going to lose the benefit of having someone at home full time and WE didn’t want to do that. If he had wanted to continue work then we would’ve made that work too.

You will probably need to pay back your enhanced maternity pay if you don't go back at all.

Who is covering the autumn term and who are you job sharing with? Is there the possibility that whoever is doing either of these roles would like the full time role?

Is teaching as easy to get back into as it was a few years ago? I think as long as you give the head plenty of notice, you will be OK to quit but should try and ensure you retain your earning capacity in case your circumstances change

Why feel guilty? You are allowed to change your mind. You said yes without knowing your current situation.

Is your notice period stated in your contract? You'll just have to follow that and they'll sort the rest - not up to you to worry about staffing issues or letting them down! Since you're a teacher it should be easy to pick up your career in a different school once you're ready.

Thank you all for your responses. Really insightful and interesting to read.

Sorry, I should have added that I do fully intend to return to teaching when little one is in school, so I'm not too worried about the pension side of things. I'd be bored stiff being a housewife forever! The opportunity has come just to spend the early years with little one. Of course, I would send them to nursery before school, so they have the more of a social opportunity in a learning environment. I would then probably try spend my mornings perhaps TAing while DC is at nursery, so that my foot is still in education and have the opportunity to go back to teaching.

Thoughts?

Thank you - these posts annoy me like, "why are YOU paying it all?!"

The household pays it but it the value of what I put in is the same as the cost then effectively, my salary pays it! The end result is the same for family finances whether we notionally "split" it or not!!

@Venalopolos Having a child and working clearly means family finances change. No money earned and no childcare costs is still no money! Many women keep working so they keep
up to date and in line for promotion. Otherwise higher earnings are delayed. Many people find child care expensive but at the same time say nursery staff are underpaid. Fair wages equals charges to parents they might find high. It’s also the subsidies to others that cost.

This is a personal question and only you will
Know how you feel.

No you don’t have to go back but tell them as soon as you can.

I think the points that people are making are really valid - really think about all aspects and long term.

Loss of pension, potential lose of self, loss of earnings are real. Spending time with little one is great but no they won’t remember that. Kids know when they are loved and well taken care of - or is it only the primary care giver? This negates grandparents and frankly your OH.

I am without a shadow of a doubt a better parent for working. I was at home and hated it. Absolutely hated it. The monotony and being defined as a SAHM wasn't for me after my year of maternity. I loved being back at work. My kids are awesome and I love that they can see a strong, independent, successful woman in business as a role model. But again completely personal decision.

No one EVER says that about a man. That the father missed out or kid wasn’t okay because dad was at work. This hypocrisy actually annoys me.

My advice is you know yourself and what will
make you happy, but really think about each option and how it will work every day and what will make you happy.

Surely what she means is that from the family
pot, the amount she puts in is swallowed by childcare. If husband is ok for her not to work I’m assuming they have a shared pot.

I always say ‘it cost my husband £1000 per month for me to work’ - I earn 2.5k and nursery costs 3.5k. But I do for my sanity, pension, career progression.

OP… I’m also a teacher working part time and don’t get any funded hours (except the 15). I think you can negotiate to not go on residential (they have to make reasonable adjustments for you to return to work). If you don’t want to work that’s fine, but for
me part time is the balance I need. If they say no to 2 days you could always say ‘take it or leave it’ but make Sure to make a fuss with HR.