AIBU to pull out of returning to work after mat leave?

[harveygirl93]

Hi all,
looking for some advice.
I’ve been a teacher for 10 years. Currently on mat leave, due to finish in Jan. Back in May, I agreed to return part-time (head has even told parents and named the class after me).
Since then, our situation has changed — we don’t qualify for funded childcare anymore and basically all of my wages would just go on nursery. DH has said I don’t have to go back if I don’t want to, and I feel like I’d really regret missing this time with DC.
Trouble is, head has put me in Year 6. I’d be joining right before SATs and expected to go on residential/late school trips. I originally asked for 2 days a week but was told no, so it’s still a bigger commitment than I’d hoped for.
Thing is, I’ve already said yes to my head. Can I change my mind now? If I hand in notice before Oct half-term, does that mean I don’t have to return in Jan? Or have I boxed myself in by accepting?
I hate letting people down but also feel like these early years are more important than a job that’ll always be there.
(We’re also mid house move so can afford to pay back mat pay if needed.)
AIBU?

• YABU – you’ve committed, you need to go back.
• YANBU – it’s fine to change your mind and stay home.

Thanks in advance!

I think getting back into teaching very much depends on where you live. Where I am primary roles are very hard to get despite the headlines nationally suggesting people are leaving teaching. It is therefore very competitive and also due to funding cuts, a lot of schools purposefully look for ECTs and even state this in their adverts! If you are UPS you will also perhaps find that these roles are non existent and roles are advertised only as MPS.

Leaving the school issue aside, it makes little difference in financial terms. You work - salary goes on childcare (but you keep your pension, skills and sanity). Don't work: you get no money coming in anyway and you lose your pension/adult interaction/career progression etc.
Go back to work.

I think it depends whether you actually mean funding childcare comes from your budget, or if you pool all money and it comes from your joint income. Basically I wouldn’t want to be financially dependent on a man who thinks childcare and the funding thereof falls to the mother.

What is your long term plan re career and pension?
Why cant your partner/babys dad stay off and you go back to work and build up your pension?
Why the absolute fuck does it always have be the woman that takes the hit?

Have you checked this? Lots of employers have clawback provisions if you don’t return for a period of time (often 6 months) after mat leave. Teachers might not, though.

He clearly earns way more than her. It makes no financial sense for him to give up work. I also get the sense that the OP really isn't keen to go back to work.

Y6 is hard work! I would have had a chat with my union rep before saying yes to this... The head hasn't thought of your well being at all..and they have a duty of care to you too! This kind of subtle bullying shit is why I left teaching!

Would your husband like to have time off with the baby ?

FFS. Women need to protect themselves.
Sick of reading that they're at home with a small child, no income, no pension and getting literally shafted by their other halves.
Its a very precarious position to be in.

You’ll probably have to pay back your Mat leave but seeing as your husband earns so much that won’t be an issue for you so just leave now.

If you can afford to and want to have a break to care for you child I’d go for it, but you don’t have to make the decision now. Provided you are under STPC you have until October to make up your mind, but (like you mentioned) you would have to hand your notice in then to leave on Dec 31st, otherwise you would have to return for the spring term.

If you have taken enhanced maternity pay you would need to pay this back, or return to work for the FTE of 13 weeks to avoid paying it back

Don’t feel bad about what you decide - the school will find a replacement, you need to do what feels right for you.

There is literally NOTHING in this thread to make you think the OP is being "shafted" by her other half.

Couples often make choices based on what's best for the family unit. The OP is married. He earns probably double what she does, she is keen to leave work and he is supportive.

You're getting angry on the wrong thread.

I'm angry on behalf of all women who fall into this trap.
Because its always a good idea at the time.

I say again, you're getting angry on the wrong thread.

Really lovely having a lot of you defend women's backs!
But...
Actually, my husband asked if I would like the opportunity. He never said I HAVE to stay at home. It all stemmed from a wonderful day I had with my DC and I sent photos to him. He felt so left out and asked if I'd rather stay at home next year to spend time with my DC rather than hand them over to someone else 🤣

@Hiptothisjive Women staying at home are made to feel so guilty - often by other women! Why is it that being “defined as a SAHM” is so appalling? Why is the only valid status to be a working mum? It’s all very negative towards women who don’t work for a bit. They seem to turn into women of no value which is shameful.,

No they aren’t. I gave my opinion and experience and said she should do what’s right for her. And by your argument there are lots of women that think working mums (by choice) are bad parents and don’t want to be with their kids or to have had children.

Unfortunately it sounds like it touched a nerve. If you are a SAHM good for you. Thats your choice and happy if it works:

For me it absolutely didnt. Neither of us or wrong and it doesn’t need to be a large generalisation on the way women treat other women. I was made to directly feel very guilt by a lot of SAHM so it works both ways. I didn’t care and did what was right for me.

Do you really think it'll be easy to go back after a 5 year gap? And the nursery years are easy, nursery runs 8-6 48 weeks a year.

Why isn't your husband discussing going part-time, why is it just on you?

It's very risky taking such a long break.

Makes no sense for him to go part time. He earns far more money than I do. Otherwise, he would happily go part time 😊
Also I can always do supply if I wanted to go back to teaching 🤷‍♀️

and five years out will entrench that unequal pay and widen the gap..........

What do you teach OP? I wouldn’t worry about a career break, teachers are in very high demand. You shouldn’t have trouble getting your foot back in the door in a few years.

Fellow teacher here and I wish I could have done the same! You’ll never get those baby and toddler years back.

No money earned and no childcare costs is no money AND no time.

Choosing to continue your career is a perfectly valid choice (one that I have made). Doing so even where you earn less than child care costs is still a valid choice. But it’s a choice with huge compromises.

But not going back because your salary just covers childcare costs is no money and lots of time with your babies. It has its own compromises, but my point was it is a reasonable choice to make even if higher earning DH covers 100% of the childcare costs, because the family is still paying.

Well as stated previously, I can always do tutoring/TAing while DC is in nursery just to keep my foot in education. I've no desire to work my way up in teaching. I'm quite happy just being a class teacher. I don't want the responsibility of leadership in school. I like being able to make a difference in the classroom and not go into slt, where it's more like running a business- been there and done that. Hated it. Less time with the children.

Are you planning more DC? If you can afford to be a SAHM for 1 DC, what if you wanted more? Im not a teacher, but specifically went back FT after DD1 so that i would have a full pay for (hopefully) a second mat leave. After DD2 was born, ive now dropped to 22hrs per week spread over 4 days so I can collect DD1 from school every day plus have Friday off at home with DD2. Its a hard balancing act but im glad i stayed as my FTE went up by £10k in the time between DD1 and DD2 so even going PT has been less of a salary reduction.

How much over £100k does your DH earn? Remember its after pension contributions so have you checked whether he should up his pension contributions so you don't lose eligibility for childcare hours?

I'm a retired teacher and I took out 9 years, up to when my younger child was 7. Looking back, I feel really privileged to have had the chance to spend that time with them. Husband wasn't earning a huge amount and the mortgage rates went through the roof so we were very broke. Clothes and toys were second hand but I enjoyed the time with them when they little.