Fucking fuming - child maintenance review

[aremenreallysuchcunts]

Got child maintenance review today. DC dad declared he earned £13,248 last financial year. He claims he works 6 days a week and is always late picking dc up due to work and works every weekend even the Saturdays he has dc. He owes £1254 in arrears via the cms and £2500 from before I applied to the cms (obviously I have written that off) so now I get the princely sum of £29.30 a week but not before cms have taken their 4%.
is this a joke? How do men like this have no shame? I know there is nothing to be done I am just venting. I have never included his money in my budget thank god but that doesn’t mean I don’t need it! I work full time and I work hard but why do men think this is ok? Why do the girlfriends think this is ok? Why do the father’s parents think this is ok? I have 3 boys and no way would I be congratulating them on avoiding maintenance.
Oh, and he’s a plasterer 🤣
Fucking patriarchy.

Grrr I hate this attitude from women! Don’t fucking raise your sons to have that belief they don’t have to pay and don’t fucking raise your daughters to feel guilty for expecting a father to contribute towards his child. It doesn’t make you look good, it doesn’t make you look clever and all it means is you are short changing your child too!

The system is an utter disgrace, we had DC because DH really wanted one, too right I would expect him to do his bit.

Even if he hadn’t wanted them more than me once they are here they are a shared responsibility, I don’t understand how men cope with their own conscience tbh.

Each CMS claim should have a deep financial dive done.

The wages have to be in the bank for cms to take them though!
My dad now only pays cash in hand to people he has known forever - any new workman and he absolutely won’t 🤣

It’s this . And that when they find another woman she’s is the ome who is fucking him- so he’s got to keep her sweet to get his dick wet

A lot of men tend to prioritize the woman they are fucking and if that means they ignore the previous kids we’ll being - well that’s ok with them

also women who are with men like this don’t want his resources going on another family so she won’t generally encourage him to spend money / give money to his kids

I know from Judge Judy how they jail them or take away their driving.

And the man himself has just messaged me saying he will be late tomorrow picking dc up as he is working late 🤦🏽‍♀️

Just fucking why, I wouldn’t feel proud of that, I’d feel my DD had been cheated. I’d feel bloody cheated.

I’m owed 12k. Honestly don’t hold your breath

The system is a joke. I bought my exh out of our house and he got a six figure sum in October 2023. A month later he suddenly stopped paying maintenance so I applied through CMS. Just got told that because he has the children EOW and is on benefits that he didn’t have to pay anything. Yet somehow managed to afford holidays with his girlfriend and a new car. Told them about his six figure payout, I was told it’s not counted as it’s considered capital not income. He would throw me money now and again for a few things. In May this year that stopped altogether. This was just after I had had some work done on my house so no doubt he thinks, well Cadbury has loads of money.

so I asked CMS to look into a variation. A month ago they finally worked out that he’d done his tax return and now owes me 2k. He’s supposed to pay £130 a week. Does he? Does he fuck. Funnily enough he was happy to accept their decision when CMS said he doesn’t have to pay but now when they’ve said he does he’s kicked up a fuss. His first mandatory reconsideration was rejected so he’s now done another one. I’ve told them he’s not paid anything but when I log on to the system it just says “in progress” on everything. No doubt he’ll plead poverty and get the arrears reduced. They can’t take the money direct from wages because he’s self employed so I have no idea how they will get the money from him. That’s even if they can be bothered. On one of the CMS screens it says the one thing you can’t track progress of is what action they are taking to enforce child maintenance. So you can’t even find out what your chances are of getting the money!

Meanwhile I’m working as much as I can to afford everything for the kids, I spent £500 on summer holiday clubs so I can work but he works term time only so isn’t even working when they are in these clubs. He had them for the first week of the holidays and is also having them next week and acts like he’s dad of the year for doing that. Yeah great, such a good dad for having over 6 weeks off over the summer and only seeing your children for 2 of them. Over 4 weeks to himself. He has told me that his girlfriend “can’t live without him” - she has children too but seems to think the sun shines out of his arse. The bar is so, so low for men. He is supposed to come over on Thursdays to see the kids but declined to come tonight because, and I quote, “I’m out late”. Like the kids are just another fucking hobby of his that he can pick up when he chooses. Fortunately the kids haven’t asked after him. We went on holiday for 10 days and they missed the cats more than him.

Thank you for letting me moan. Solidarity.

Some women don’t claim it because the men are abusive. Also if you claim it you can get retaliation with men asking 50 50 so they don’t have to pay it. So I do t think you should judge women not claiming they have their reasons.

Please - moan as much as you want! Your situation sounds worse than mine! Fancy joining me to see what we can do to change things?

@aremenreallysuchcunts No. Just the men that you choose to associate with.

Get a CAO. Single mums are constantly told maintenance and access/visits/overnights (forgot the correct terminology) are separate issues.

If she’s earning ‘no more than average’ and he’s taking PT wage with no dividends, does that match with their lifestyle? Because if it doesn’t, then he’s putting personal expenses through the business - and for that you should inform HMRC and they might do an investigation. Won’t get you any extra money but will fuck him up royally.

But in the real world this is not always the case or how things work.

Ouch - but true! Not all the men I associate with. Just the father unfortunately. Thankfully I have a fabulous brother and brother in law, my adult son is spot on and I hope my 2 other ds will follow in his footsteps. I will break the cycle for them and my daughter that I sadly followed.
But I appreciate your thoughtful contribution

Yeah I know. I’m just venting. Nothing is black and white - of course I get that. I am talking about the run of the mill tossers like my ex.

I'm not defending those that don't pay for their kids, but I would also question why so many women choose to have multiple kids with men who quite clearly see their partner as an equal?

It's unlikely someone just suddenly becomes an arse hole over night. There are always signs...

My cousin got married and had 2 kids with this "man". We all thought he was a twat. Why did it take her a marriage and two kids to see this when we could? Why did she ignore the signs that he was a twat? Needless to say she is now a single parent.

This is what I don't get. How can you deny a child support from his father?

If I was to divorce my DH and he wouldn't pay for his kids my Mil and the rest of my DH's family would ostracise him and rightly so. His brother (very wealthy) divorced a couple of years ago; left the house with his ex and pay way way over CMS for the children and also a pension to his ex. As he said: If I want my children to be well cared for I have to make sure their mother is in a good place financially. She was a sahm and she hasn't changed her living standard since the divorce and the children (teens) are coping fine because their parents coparent well and respect each other.

I just don't get how you can't feel responsible for your own flash and blood. In your case @aremenreallysuchcunts if he wants to work under the radar to avoid tax he should pay you directly. It's disgusting.

Easily- they look at the household income and where that comes from.

They look at social media, bookings, availability.

They can even do test purchases, book in, get his availability, confirmation that he’s asking for cash etc.

The idea is good but I suspect men might insist initially on being the RP to ensure the ex doesn't get a penny and then a few months down the line change their mind about being RP.

A pp who suggested that the state pays a sensible amount to the RP which becomes a debt the NRP owes the government would be much more effective, especially if you don't get the first payment until 6 mths after you become the RP. That would put off the people who aren't committed to actually being the RP.

Ooh that’s a whole mess of crap going on right there and you’re not wrong. That’s why I work so hard and try so much to give my dc self esteem, self worth, hope, etc etc so they don’t end up making the same mistakes I did (not that they are mistakes) unfortunately my darling mum killed herself when I was 16 after an abusive marriage with my dad and I took comfort wherever I could find it from whoever would give it.
My dc will not be me. They will not be the same.

Just to offer an alternative perspective, I have been with my DH for 9 years and my two step children live with us full time. In that time we have received maintenance of…you guessed it, £0, from their mum :( It is not just dads avoiding supporting their kids.

Maybe both parties should be made to read and sign a financial contract before breeding, and make sure each other knows the implications of having children

How many of each in the couple genuinely want to be a parent before conception? Or is a case of shag and hope for the best?

He did pay directly until he stopped and owes me £2500 from that time that I can never chase him for.