Fucking fuming - child maintenance review

[aremenreallysuchcunts]

Got child maintenance review today. DC dad declared he earned £13,248 last financial year. He claims he works 6 days a week and is always late picking dc up due to work and works every weekend even the Saturdays he has dc. He owes £1254 in arrears via the cms and £2500 from before I applied to the cms (obviously I have written that off) so now I get the princely sum of £29.30 a week but not before cms have taken their 4%.
is this a joke? How do men like this have no shame? I know there is nothing to be done I am just venting. I have never included his money in my budget thank god but that doesn’t mean I don’t need it! I work full time and I work hard but why do men think this is ok? Why do the girlfriends think this is ok? Why do the father’s parents think this is ok? I have 3 boys and no way would I be congratulating them on avoiding maintenance.
Oh, and he’s a plasterer 🤣
Fucking patriarchy.

Report him to HMRC. Then he will have to declare his actual income.

I’d report him anonymously to HMRC for tax evasion.

I had this and apparently he only had to pay £5 a week, told then to stick it up their arse didn’t even pay for a box of formula or a pack of nappies. He was earning really well as well. Disgusting.

My sister was the same as me only she happened to fall in love with a genuinely decent man and they are still together 35 years later - I have been chasing that all my adult life. Why did she manage to achieve the nice family and not me when she is also as fucked as me? I’m chuffed she got the relatively stable loving happy ever after (obviously with real life shit because nothing is perfect) but why didn’t I when we both came from the same place?

How? How can they prove he accepted cash and then spent the cash?

My dad did it too - paid £5 a week because he and my stepmum rigged it and said they didn’t want “my mum getting a single penny”. Were annoyed that they even had to keep paying it when I was 18 and in education…

Add to it that they can get COA for (say) 2 nights a week - therefore reducing the payments. However …. They aren’t legally required to actually turn up for that. But you are legally required to make the children available and therefore have to sit around waiting for them to possibly turn up.

Ok how would that work legally speaking 'Í am calling to report tax evasion 'ok what proof do you have?' 'um MN told be too and just a feeling?' I would assume they need actual proof

Because the government don’t give a shit about single mothers. I think they are the last social group people can be shamelessly prejudiced about and it boils my blood.
I am so sorry you had to go through that.

Oh yes we have that too. I can be told at a moments notice that his weekend is off or he will be 3 hours late (work/traffic) and dropping off early (work/traffic) which to be fair is less of an issue now dc is 11 and can let himself in at home if I am at the shops/work/netball for an hour or so but was so hard when he was younger. My dd and I have missed football matches because ex cancelled last minute and we didn’t have a ticket for ds, I’ve missed celebration nights out due to cancellations at 11pm the night before. I have had to take time off work on ex weekend because he didn’t pick dc up from school when supposed to. He is allowed to do that. But if my dc is not ready by 1500hrs today then I am in breech of CAO even though ex can’t tell me how late he will be collecting him.

Yes! This! I am sick of being shamed for a single mum when I work so hard and abide by all court orders yet ex doesn’t have to

Mine is paying but the system is shit. Until we set it up properly he kept taking money out for different things so I did it through the service. First he lied about his salary by £15,000. So he makes £85,000 instead. And this made the difference a whole £5 more has has to give a month 😂

So there are two truths...that in some cases red flags are there and others they aren't...but that's still putting the blame for absent fathers and deadbeat dads on the women. Whilst yes, there are obviously exceptions, well over 90% of RPs are female. They stick around. If we're talking solely about who supports the children and who doesn't, there's really no contest. Why aren't we asking the question , why do so many men have children they don't really want? But frankly, even that is irrelevant to the central question of support. Once the children are here they are entitled to support from TWO parents who were present at conception. Mistakes or not, choice over abortion or not. Any man old enough to have sex knows that women have an extra point of choice that they do not. Once that act takes place, if a child results, they should be on the hook. At the moment that hook is non existent at worst and easy to slip from at best.

What a silly childlike comment. You go online and fill in a form with your suspicions of why you believe that person is working far more hours than he is declaring on his tax return, what time he leaves for work, what time he returns, how he works most Saturdays, how he takes payment in cash. Let the HMRC investigators do the rest. They will decide if the report has merit.

What do you mean by “legally speaking”?

I think it's what HMRC do... Catch out cash in had businesses who are avoiding income tax.

I’m one of the ‘lucky’ ones where my ex pays a few hundred each month for two children.
Won’t pay a penny more. Won’t contribute towards school trips or extra curricular activities. Says he is already sustaining my lifestyle (the utter cheek of it).
I’ve also had difficult telephone conversations with CMS which have left me in tears.
It’s all fucked and unfair. I really do feel for single mums.

That’s not how a ‘dad’ behaves. I’m appalled at the way so many (mainly) fathers don’t seem to take any financial responsibility for THEIR children.

sorry for misspellings above.
My DS went first paid an agreed amount with his ex and the mortgage for a while, until CMS worked out what he should pay . That's considered a baseline, not a maximum, he contributes more in terms of buying clothes, paying for activities, tuition, holidays etc. he's a very involved father. I don't mean to hold DS out as a paragon of virtue, he has responsibilties and his children shouldn't suffer because their parent's relationship broke down.

Where do they find these women- I know one guy who has 6 kids with 4 different women. Urgh! Only paid cm to 2 kids- left the rest to the taxpayers to be taken care of.

I will join your campaign OP. It makes me furious, and I'm childless. I am more than happy to pay taxes for care and support for mothers, less so when a lot of those benefits are subsidising feckless fathers in effect.

Often they're doing something completely legal (eg, taking poverty wages from a Ltd company they run while employing and paying their partner a wage that they have access to) to game the system.

Actually proving that to a legal standard is all but impossible though, and there's a lack of resource to investigate.

I don't know how they look their kids in the eye.

I don’t know what time he leaves for work - I don’t know where he lives (he has dc at his parents house) I have given reg plate but he changes his van/car and will park round the corner so I can’t see it. I only know he is working when he messages me to say he will be late picking dc up, can’t have dc on his weekend or dc tells me daddy was working on the Saturday.
Maybe ex is being truthful and literally only works when he is supposed to have dc? Do you think that’s true? The rest of the time I have no proof and cannot get proof.
I do know he has a week off in September because going on holiday with girlfriend - he’s never taken dc on holiday but very kindly messaged me saying he supports me taking dc away because I asked him to bring dc back on time because of our holiday 🤷🏽‍♀️ as in emotionally supports me - not as in here’s a fiver for an ice cream 🤣

How aren't they embarrassed?
If I jumped through hoops to avoid paying for a child I brought into the world I’d never recover from the shame. They’re utterly criminal. Cunts.

We are a large group of single mums not receiving child maintenance, I'm sure there is something we can do. I don't know, complain about it to our MP's, find help from legal charities or abused women.. as this is abuse. These dads don't care to hurt their children in order to hurt us ( mums).

@Pramfaceache
they aren’t embarrassed they are proud. And the ilk in which they associate themselves back this up