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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Helping a Desperate Young Woman

132 replies

TopSec · 21/08/2025 16:28

Not really a "AIBU" but I am unsure where to put this for the most traffic and I truly want to help this young family - please stay with me for this long message. The people in question are unable to post this as they don't want to be outed.

I am writing on here to ask if anyone has any advice or experience in being made homeless. | am asking for a very good friends daughter and her 3 children. She was given notice 3 months ago to vacate the house she rents and has done for the last 7 years, both with her ex-partner and latterly, on her own with the children. The Landlord said he was selling it but we suspect because of the new Landlord / Tenant Act which is due but no proof.

She has since been unable to find a private let because they are all asking for a guarantor who has an income of £52,000+, despite having impeccable references. She also has a deposit of around £1500. Unfortunately the Estate Agents have been unable to help her

The LA have been useless, despite making all the right noises - coos and lots of "I'm so sorry" etc but no actual help. She was basically told to sit tight until the bailiffs came because if she does anything else, she was making herself homeless. She can't possibly do this with 3 children as they would be so frightened. She has also had to put all her furniture in storage as the Landlord wants the keys by the weekend and she has had to abide or lose her deposit. What an absolute nonsense piece of advice to give a single mum with 3 children 10 years and under! Even wrote to our MP who just reiterated everything the LA has told her. She has been told she cannot bid for a council house for at least 12 weeks. Her mother is a single lady, (my BF) aged 73, pensioner who only has her pension available to her. She cannot put them up as the LA have said, again, they won't help if she has somewhere to stay, despite the fact that her mother would lose her single occupancy and UC if she allows her daughter and 3 children to stay. The LA said they may put her in a hotel but couldn't tell her where - they said it could be in the next county! These children have school to go to when the new term starts. She could end up in a hotel full of illegal single males on her own with 3 children. How ridiculous

She has dragged herself up over the last few years since her partner left, even starting her own business which is keeping her head above water - for now.

The children's father is refusing to help. They were not married and the money he gave her was not ordered by court order, so a Landlord will not accept this as a guaranteed part of her income. He has now married, taken on 2 step children and, because of this, the CSA have reduced her payments by around £70 PM. (He contacted the CSA when she asked for a little help to find a new property as rents had increased considerably - we know he hasn't be truthful to them but have no proof - he has played a blinder and is now controlling everything.

Her father is no longer in her life

She has to hand over the keys to her present house on Sunday and has no idea what she is going to do. She is scared, frightened and broken. The children are very upset and this is affecting them in ways I won't describe on here. Her mother is beside herself, crying and also broken - this is her daughter and her grandchildren

And yes, I will say it - Illegal Migrants are housed as soon as they arrive in this Country, given all the help and assistance they require - even giving them money and driving lessons, - hotels in Swindon full of them and yet this poor girl is getting no help at all until she is on the streets - and then the most basic of assistance.

If you can help with any advice or if anyone has been through similar and can help with their experiences, then please do let me know. I will print out all responses for her so that she can follow up as many tips as you may have

Thanks for taking the time to read through this. I am so angry

OP posts:
TheBossOfMe · 21/08/2025 16:39

She urgently needs to speak to Shelter for advice.

Mrsttcno1 · 21/08/2025 16:40

Just want to reiterate what LA & council have said- if she hands back the keys and leaves on Sunday she will be classed as making herself intentionally homeless and therefore nobody has to help her. That is absolutely correct, although it is horrific, that IS how it works so urgently she needs to be told not to just leave.

That’s the best advice anybody can give her in the short term.

If she wants council help she has to play the game which does mean staying until physically kicked out and then going into whatever temp accommodation they suggest until she can bid on other places- if she does anything other than that then she will be on her own.

DeirdreChambersWhatACoincidence · 21/08/2025 16:43

She has to go with what the council say. She can't leave until she's actually made homeless or they won't help her because she's intentionally made herself homeless.

I've been there, in her situation, and it's the only thing to do.

AzureCats · 21/08/2025 16:43

Is there any women's shelters nearby she could ask for help?

Danikm151 · 21/08/2025 16:44

The council have advised correctly. You say she can’t possibly do this but thousands of other people have to do it.
The steps have to be followed.

TopSec · 21/08/2025 16:47

Mrsttcno1 · 21/08/2025 16:40

Just want to reiterate what LA & council have said- if she hands back the keys and leaves on Sunday she will be classed as making herself intentionally homeless and therefore nobody has to help her. That is absolutely correct, although it is horrific, that IS how it works so urgently she needs to be told not to just leave.

That’s the best advice anybody can give her in the short term.

If she wants council help she has to play the game which does mean staying until physically kicked out and then going into whatever temp accommodation they suggest until she can bid on other places- if she does anything other than that then she will be on her own.

Thank you. Yes this is what she has been told, but, and its a BIG BUT, she says she will lose her deposit, maybe get a CCJ which means she will never be able to rent anything after that. The House is empty now and she is really worried how this will affect her children, seeing the Bailiffs turn up and throw them out. What a cruel world. I will tell her but I suspect she is passed that option now.

OP posts:
dintyn · 21/08/2025 16:47

She needs to stay put as she's been advised. Fwiw there are currently 63 asylum seekers in hotel in Swindon. Hardly hotels full ffs

TopSec · 21/08/2025 16:50

TheBossOfMe · 21/08/2025 16:39

She urgently needs to speak to Shelter for advice.

Thank you. I will pass this on

OP posts:
TopSec · 21/08/2025 16:51

DeirdreChambersWhatACoincidence · 21/08/2025 16:43

She has to go with what the council say. She can't leave until she's actually made homeless or they won't help her because she's intentionally made herself homeless.

I've been there, in her situation, and it's the only thing to do.

Thank you

OP posts:
PinkPhonyClub · 21/08/2025 16:52

It is terrible that councils make people do this but if she wants their help, and she does, she needs to sit tight until she is evicted by bailiffs. I have every sympathy with her.

The bailiffs won’t be something out of Charles Dickens though. She should know what day they are coming. Get nearly everything out before that. Ideally send the kids to someone for the day. Explain to them she is happy to leave and indeed has wanted to, but that the council refused to help her until evicted and so she couldn't. They will have heard it all before and won’t be unsympathetic so it can all remain calm, she takes the last bits out the house and hands over the keys, job done.

If she has continued paying the rent she should not get a CCJ as that is for monies owed rather than possession. The deposit should be protected and she can apply to the scheme to seek to get it back.

Hoppinggreen · 21/08/2025 16:52

Its an awful situation and I feel for her but its not the fault of migrants.

TopSec · 21/08/2025 16:53

dintyn · 21/08/2025 16:47

She needs to stay put as she's been advised. Fwiw there are currently 63 asylum seekers in hotel in Swindon. Hardly hotels full ffs

Ok 63 but its not a place for a single woman and her 3 children. I am sure you would agree with that - and no need for the profanity, I am just trying to help someone who is in desperate need

OP posts:
LimbOnTheBranchBranchOnTheTreeTheTreeInTheBog · 21/08/2025 16:54

And yes, I will say it - Illegal Migrants are housed as soon as they arrive in this Country, given all the help and assistance they require - even giving them money and driving lessons, - hotels in Swindon full of them and yet this poor girl is getting no help at all until she is on the streets - and then the most basic of assistance.

Asylum seekers - human beings - get help, and you begrudge it because this woman won't follow what the council ask of her in order to get housed.

She really does need to do as they say before she gets help, that would be the case whether there were a million asylum seekers or just one.

Hoppinggreen · 21/08/2025 16:55

TopSec · 21/08/2025 16:53

Ok 63 but its not a place for a single woman and her 3 children. I am sure you would agree with that - and no need for the profanity, I am just trying to help someone who is in desperate need

You can do that without talking about Migrants though

Helpagirlyout · 21/08/2025 16:55

She can't lose her deposit for not handing her keys back on Sunday.
The advice from the LA is so backwards but it's absolutely correct I'm afraid, if she leaves on Sunday she will lose her chance of getting any LA help. The landlord will need to go through the process to evict her. This will likely result in bailiffs but when they come she doesn't have to fight them, she can 'leave willingly' when they arrive (as she will be expecting it) then without disagreement. Then she can get help from the LA.
I'd advise her to call shelter l, they will mirror the advice given by the LA.
It sounds like she may need some moral support on Sunday, can you and other friends join her at the house to stay put? She will just have to calmly explain to the landlord what the situation is and she has been advised to stay there by the LA.

cheerfulaf · 21/08/2025 16:57

Just to point out, if she decides to follow the council advice it really doesn’t have to be a trauma for the children. It’s unpleasant of course but if she knows the bailiffs will come then she can be prepared

I’d suggest having everything ready ahead of their visit, bags packed and large items already out. They really won’t be unreasonable, the drama happens when they arrive unexpectedly and people try to prevent them from doing g their job

I wish her all the best, it’s a really crap situation

KoiTetra · 21/08/2025 16:58

Repeating all other posters advice. If she chooses to leave this weekend then the LA will offer her no help. If she cant find a private rent then ultimately her only choice will be to move in with her mum and still get no help from the LA.

If she stays and waits for bailiffs then the LA will be forced to help once they arrive. She may end up in a hotel short term but she will get help. That is the only way that anyone is going to help her.

If the kids are placed a long way from school then the LA is also responsible for providing transport for them I believe although I am not 100% on this.

TopSec · 21/08/2025 17:00

Thank you all for your quick responses. Clearly the message is for her to stay where she is. I have copied all your responses and sent them to her - let's hope she's brave enough to follow through. I just think she is so broken that she cannot see the wood for the trees at the moment. Thank you again everyone

OP posts:
LimbOnTheBranchBranchOnTheTreeTheTreeInTheBog · 21/08/2025 17:01

KoiTetra · 21/08/2025 16:58

Repeating all other posters advice. If she chooses to leave this weekend then the LA will offer her no help. If she cant find a private rent then ultimately her only choice will be to move in with her mum and still get no help from the LA.

If she stays and waits for bailiffs then the LA will be forced to help once they arrive. She may end up in a hotel short term but she will get help. That is the only way that anyone is going to help her.

If the kids are placed a long way from school then the LA is also responsible for providing transport for them I believe although I am not 100% on this.

In my area the LA wouldn't be responsible for that, the kids would be expected to move school, or it would be down to the parents to provide transport, unless it was a specialised school.

SoScarletItWas · 21/08/2025 17:01

TopSec · 21/08/2025 16:53

Ok 63 but its not a place for a single woman and her 3 children. I am sure you would agree with that - and no need for the profanity, I am just trying to help someone who is in desperate need

You could have done that without the casual racism.

TopSec · 21/08/2025 17:03

Just a quick, further question. Would it make any difference if she stayed and let the kiddies stay with their grandmother? Their beds are all in storage now, but their mum could, if needed, stay on a camp bed. Would that make a difference to how the LA respond?

OP posts:
TopSec · 21/08/2025 17:04

AzureCats · 21/08/2025 16:43

Is there any women's shelters nearby she could ask for help?

Not sure but I have advised her what most have on here - she has to stay where she is. I have forwarded her your messages and, fingers crossed, she will listen and let her head rule her hear

OP posts:
MessEveryWhere · 21/08/2025 17:05

I haven't read the whole thread. If she loses her deposit, then there will be schemes to help with the bond when she needs it.

She has to follow what the council say, as there is no other option. She will be intentionally homeless.

It doesn't matter what the landlord wants, she needs to stay there until eviction. It's shit, but better in the long run for her and the children.

Mrsttcno1 · 21/08/2025 17:09

TopSec · 21/08/2025 17:03

Just a quick, further question. Would it make any difference if she stayed and let the kiddies stay with their grandmother? Their beds are all in storage now, but their mum could, if needed, stay on a camp bed. Would that make a difference to how the LA respond?

The kids can stay with a grandparent overnight etc yes but she needs to not be vocal about that. The main thing is though that she cannot just walk away from the property, she must stay until the full process is carried out- section 21, court, she won’t get a CCJ unless she stops paying rent. It will impact her being able to privately rent in the immediate future because she won’t get a good reference but she doesn’t have the gift of time here.

Unless she can find somewhere private before that date then she is reliant on the council which means she has to follow their processes- staying until absolutely forced to leave.

Not sure what the relevance is about asylum seekers- believe me when I say there are far far more families & single mothers especially relying on council housing in this country than there are asylum seekers in hotel rooms. Most families & mums don’t want to be in those hotels because it’s no way to live, if YOU think it’s so great then you’d have no issue with this woman and her kids being put into one.

Coffeetime25 · 21/08/2025 17:09

and then you mentioned the narrative you do no these migrants have to wait two years before being aloud housing medical care or education or work right but hey why should the facts stop you when Facebook can give you the narrative lol