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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husbands expensive hobby

125 replies

Leo2001 · 21/08/2025 01:29

My partner has a hobby he's extremely interested in if not abit strange but he spends alot of disposable income in it, he is disabled so it is important he has interests and there are social gatherings on occasions and events for such a hobby, but he has a disposable income of around 300 a month and pretty much all goes on this hobby with a extensive collection of goods!
I have no issue other than his collection is now growing and is obviously gaining value and he keeps asking for extra cash, ogh so and so has this for sale and it's gonna be around 400 to 500 pounds, this has happened around twice this year already and has come out the "" joint""pot, without sounding mean I am the one who works in order to give us this disposable income yet my spending money pays for any activities meals out etc and I'm beginning to get peed off with all his money going on his hobby and not a meal he pays for a change!!! Aibu?

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 21/08/2025 08:27

Hillarious · 21/08/2025 07:19

What do you do with miniature cars, apart from collect them?

Sell them on, I suppose?

thinklagoon · 21/08/2025 08:28

How many Hot Wheels does he have?

HonestOpalHelper · 21/08/2025 08:30

He needs a job, if he is physically impaired but mentally fine then there will be something he can do - there was a chap on the news a few weeks back who was very physically disabled yet holding down a senior WFH job in marketing.

It would give him purpose and his own source of money. Maybe as others have said the hobby could also be a job, I know a chap who collects vintage cameras, but that's also his job and he does very well out of buying and selling alongside his own collection.

mickandrorty · 21/08/2025 08:33

Things like this could be worth loads in the future or fuck all, look at beanie babies they were selling for a fortune at one point, now i know people trying to get rid of them for a couple of quid! I have a huge collection of bags, some are selling for £300-400 right now (they cost around £80 to buy at release) but I'm under no illusion they will probably be worthless money wise in years to come but I love to look at them & they make me happy! I have to save for them though and once my budget is gone if a new one comes out i want its tough! He has a nice budget every month but he needs to learn that once it is gone its gone, if he wants bigger ticket items he will have to save a bit each month!

Bonjamin · 21/08/2025 08:35

Suggest he sells something to fund the purchase of this new item - it might open his eyes to the value of the collection as a retirement fund. Any comment from you will probably just be met with resistance and ‘you don’t understand’ but a reality check from other potential buyers could be more effective.

Obeseandashamed · 21/08/2025 08:41

Don’t miniature cars go up in value? I could be wrong but perhaps he sees some of it as an investment rather than a hobby.

Tiswa · 21/08/2025 08:45

Just say no that his disposable income is the level is has to be for everything else to be paid and there is no more money for it without impacting others

this isn’t even treating him like a child it’s beyond that

Bonjamin · 21/08/2025 08:47

one thing browsing local auctions has shown me is that there’s nothing more depressing than seeing someone’s treasured collection of Lilliput Lane houses or Toby jugs going in a job lot for £40. I suspect the way to make money with a collection like this is not to amass a huge hoard but to proactively buy and sell as you go, tapping into the pool of people like your DH who are avidly hunting for a particular item and will pay whatever it costs to get it. Is he doing that? Reinvesting his money is fair enough, but eating into the family budget to acquire unreliable ‘assets’ isn’t.

godmum56 · 21/08/2025 08:48

Obeseandashamed · 21/08/2025 08:41

Don’t miniature cars go up in value? I could be wrong but perhaps he sees some of it as an investment rather than a hobby.

Sorry but you are wrong. Cars that were marketed as toys (and the original versions, not later copies) in mint condition in ther original packaging can be worth money but people know this and unless you have kept them from your own, or parents' childhoods, you won't find bargains. The later ones sold as "collectibles" or "investments" are plain old not. people are sold the "investment" line by the people who sell them to others, both the original retailers and those who sell on. As I said, I do wonder if the people who sell to the OP's partner have him clocked as a good source of income?

CountryMumof4 · 21/08/2025 08:51

frozendaisy · 21/08/2025 03:48

This one’s Warhammer

That was my first thought - my eldest spends a small fortune on it! Luckily, he earns very well.

OP, given how much you're funding, he really does need to stick within whatever fun budget you set. It really isn't fair to expect you to cover more.

godmum56 · 21/08/2025 08:53

Bonjamin · 21/08/2025 08:47

one thing browsing local auctions has shown me is that there’s nothing more depressing than seeing someone’s treasured collection of Lilliput Lane houses or Toby jugs going in a job lot for £40. I suspect the way to make money with a collection like this is not to amass a huge hoard but to proactively buy and sell as you go, tapping into the pool of people like your DH who are avidly hunting for a particular item and will pay whatever it costs to get it. Is he doing that? Reinvesting his money is fair enough, but eating into the family budget to acquire unreliable ‘assets’ isn’t.

DH and I bought some "investment pieces" in the late 80's early 90's They were David Shepard plates, his African Animals series. Fortunately the whole set was only 4. We bought them because we liked them and had them on display on our walls for many years (yeah I know, it was considered classy then) They ended up in a local charity shop.

MyDeftDuck · 21/08/2025 08:56

Change ‘the pot’ so only you have access to it OP. Let OH have his allowance each month……and nothing more! If he has a more expensive purchase on the horizon then tell him he must budget for it. The longer he is allowed free rein on the household finance the longer his spending will continue and it will escalate.

Gunz · 21/08/2025 08:57

If you watch any of these Auction shows - the Yorkshire/Derbyshire Auctioneer, the only items which seem to increase in value are those which have gold or silver in them. Silver coins, sovereigns, 18ct gold jewellery, rolex watches. I would be very cautious in thinking that miniature cars will increase massively in value over time. Perhaps use his interest in this hobby to set up a little side line of buying and selling to make a little profit each month.

FuckedOffWithTheLotOfThem · 21/08/2025 08:58

Leo2001 · 21/08/2025 07:41

He's physically disabled so yes mentally OK, i and family care but I work nearly full time, they do resale but at no means what paid for apart from some exceptions, selling odd one happens but extensive collection, I wonder if he sees it as his retirement fund,I get told it's a investment and I'm aware it isn't as a loss would be made, I like fact he isn't bored and has a interest, but it's abit obsession at times!

Show quote history

Having been involved with sorting out the estates of several relatives who were into "collectables" in a big way, be wary of his claim about the cars increasing in value. One relative had an extensive car collection, amongst other things, and always said that they'd be worth thousands when the time came to sell them. The reality was that achieving a good price for them would have required the same level of time commitment and knowledge that he'd put into collecting them in the first place - they're not the sort of things you can just stick on ebay and expect to get a good price. So unless you're as clued up as he is and are prepared to spend hours researching each car to sell on, accept that they'll be sold as a job lot at a loss. Maybe something to discuss with him if he's using the "but it's an investment" angle to justify his spending. Good luck, OP.

Edited to say that in the time it took me to post, several other people have said similar so apologies if it seems like I was repeating the point.

FrogFalacy · 21/08/2025 08:58

Op I think you need to separate out his disability from his personality! They are not linked!

His personality is obsessive and selfish. Do you like this? Does he have other good points?

If he does have good points then you need to have a financial talk as tbh I don’t think you should be paying for everything fun and then he blows 300 on toy cars. The fact he then moans for more money is crazy!

im guessing he’s on benefits? Does the £300 come out of this? How much goes to the house?

If anything it should be you saying he need to reduce amount to £200 and contribute £100 a month to your relationship fun money

Ratafia · 21/08/2025 09:01

I'm wondering about his income. Does he work, or could he? Can you suggest that if he wants to spend more on his hobby it will be up to him and no-one else to earn the money for it?

ComfortFoodCafe · 21/08/2025 09:16

I would tell him if he wants more money for hobby, he can pick up a part time job from home otherwise no chance.

User09835 · 21/08/2025 09:22

Haha another husband hobby MN mystery!

My guess is he's a Furry, collects anime figurines and goes to conventions.

DaisyChain505 · 21/08/2025 09:26

It would be lovely if we could all blow unlimited amounts of money on things we enjoy but that’s not reality.

You need to have a proper conversation with him and stop tip toeing around the subject.

You each have a set amount of fun money and if he spends all of it, tough. It is not ok for him to be breaking into the family money for his hobby when it could be put to better use.

ThePinkPoster · 21/08/2025 09:28

If I could vote YANBU twice I would.

MounjaroMounjaro · 21/08/2025 09:38

I can never understand why people share money in this way. There's no way I'd go to work to fund someone's miniature car collection!

godmum56 · 21/08/2025 09:46

FuckedOffWithTheLotOfThem · 21/08/2025 08:58

Having been involved with sorting out the estates of several relatives who were into "collectables" in a big way, be wary of his claim about the cars increasing in value. One relative had an extensive car collection, amongst other things, and always said that they'd be worth thousands when the time came to sell them. The reality was that achieving a good price for them would have required the same level of time commitment and knowledge that he'd put into collecting them in the first place - they're not the sort of things you can just stick on ebay and expect to get a good price. So unless you're as clued up as he is and are prepared to spend hours researching each car to sell on, accept that they'll be sold as a job lot at a loss. Maybe something to discuss with him if he's using the "but it's an investment" angle to justify his spending. Good luck, OP.

Edited to say that in the time it took me to post, several other people have said similar so apologies if it seems like I was repeating the point.

Edited
Show quote history

yup and sometimes all the time and research will just tell you that they are not worth what was paid for them!

godmum56 · 21/08/2025 09:46

User09835 · 21/08/2025 09:22

Haha another husband hobby MN mystery!

My guess is he's a Furry, collects anime figurines and goes to conventions.

RTFT

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 21/08/2025 10:00

Who is he collecting/investing FOR? Do you have children that he's thinking of passing his 'investment collection' to? If so, could they have a word, saying that they don't want it won't have space for it, will have to put so much energy into selling that it's not worth it, etc?

If you don't have children, or he's collecting/investing for 'you both', then ask him how he plans to realise the value of his collection? Is he going to sell it - when you retire? What will be different then that he won't want to collect any more? Or is he planning that YOU will have all the work of shifting the worthless bunch of doorstops once he's gone?

He needs to rein it in. One model a month, if that. Unfortunately it's only the older models that might even be worth anything, and everyone in the business knows exactly how much they are worth, so at best all he's doing is sinking money into something that will be worth just what he paid for it.

rainbowstardrops · 21/08/2025 10:04

You’re working to fund him collecting toy cars??? Tell him to grow up and stop wasting money!