Husbands expensive hobby

[Leo2001]

My partner has a hobby he's extremely interested in if not abit strange but he spends alot of disposable income in it, he is disabled so it is important he has interests and there are social gatherings on occasions and events for such a hobby, but he has a disposable income of around 300 a month and pretty much all goes on this hobby with a extensive collection of goods!
I have no issue other than his collection is now growing and is obviously gaining value and he keeps asking for extra cash, ogh so and so has this for sale and it's gonna be around 400 to 500 pounds, this has happened around twice this year already and has come out the "" joint""pot, without sounding mean I am the one who works in order to give us this disposable income yet my spending money pays for any activities meals out etc and I'm beginning to get peed off with all his money going on his hobby and not a meal he pays for a change!!! Aibu?

I'd find it very hard to be attracted to a man who was so obsessed with his hobby.

What's jumping out most is the part where you say the collection is obviously gaining value. Is it really, or is he just saying that to placate you? Ime few amateur collections are really that valuable. Yes, he may have spent loads on it, but also may well find resale value isn't nearly as much as he's making it out to be.

@JustTalkToThem this was my first thought too.

If he's knowledgeable in this area could he become an eBay seller? Profit made can be invested into his own collection.

He gets limited funds to start with and then he needs to recycle that money if he wants any more.

It will allow him to keep being immersed in the hobby without spending for no return.

Ultimately he gets a budget for the year or month and that's it.

The hobby is essentially spending money isn't it. Then hoarding. He could still do all of the social aspect without buying things every month. In fact, selling some would make more social opportunities than keeping them all. Any hobby is fine if you have the money and space, but it doesn't sound like you do.

Omg!! I love this 🚙🚕🚓

at least they don’t take up much room

He needs a hobby that isn't buying things. Collecting is fine, but within your means and not as his main source of entertainment. That isn't sustainable for anyone. At this point his hobby isn't miniature cars, it is shopping.

No, I would not be happy paying out joint funds on this. The problem is, you’ll be contributing the most into the pot given his circumstances and it feels a bit…. mean to say no.

Could you make him “save” up for bigger purchases? Could you get him to put more into the joint funds and then agree a monthly limit? It feels like you need to get him to agree to a plan rather than keep being pestered for more or more. Like both agree no more than 3 new cars a year? Or no more than an average of £200 a month?

Do you have interests? Are you spending money on a gym membership or a coffee a day? Is there anything you can compare it to, to make him realise it’s a lot of money? Or better still, he has to sell one every time he buys a new one!

Sorry for all the edits but I’ve just realised that’s the answer!!! Get him to make a business out of it! Every time he buys he sells and he can research the value etc and market. He could actually start to make some money from it!

You shouldn’t share a bank account with him if you’re the only one who works. It’s disgusting that he’s spending £300 of your money each month on what I’m guessing is figurines/cards. Remove him from the account. Is he able to work? Many people with disabilities can work but it depends on the disability and the job.

Your first post says that this collection is ‘obviously gaining in value’ but you then go on, in subsequent posts, to say that they would sell at a loss. Which is it? Either way though, your husband is being selfish - he’s not contributing financially, and not only expects you to fund his collection, but to give him even more money towards it as he wants more expensive toys! Fuck that!

Has he ever sold on a car and made a profit?

When does he plan to cash in this "investment" and rake in ££££££££?

If the answers are Never and No Plan then he's just another hoarder. He'll NEVER sell any and he'll NEVER have enough. They will just gather dust and take up space. He will LOSE ££££££££ because he's kidding himself - and you - that these are viable investments.

Don't give him a penny if your money. Don't support him financially. He can dust and admire the existing Hoard.

Another hobby thread…

Obviously if your husbands hobby is causing financial distress or pain in your marriage then there needs to be some sort of adjustment.

But I always read these threads and my first thought is … What is this hobby that causes so much anguish? And then it turns out to be … Miniature cars.

My husband has ALOT of hobbies… his hobbies pretty much define who he is and who he is friends with. Fortunately we can afford for him to have all of these hobbies otherwise I’m sure he would have to retreat on some of them but the point of my post is that he would be SO resentful if I decided that I didn’t want him to do them. I think it all comes down to finances and then obviously in the OPs position… space!

edited to add: we both work..together and flipping hard to afford everything we have but I’m sure I wouldn’t be happy to work to pay for someone else’s hobby. Although I do love my husband enough to be conscious that if he became disabled, I would be prepared to help him continue to do the things he loved to give him some sort of purpose and entertainment.

And say brrrm brrrm!

They say art is two.hobbies - one creating and one buying materials. So, which is it for him?

If he is creating something - he needs to look and selling to fund it.

If he is actually just addicted to buying and owning more "shineys" - its a different problem. The budget must be stuck to and there needs to be an exit route - our houses are only so big! So look at reselling or getting therapy on addicted behaviour to stop the buying

Sell them

hmmm I wouldn't go so far as to call it a scam but apart from the collectibles that were made from actual precious metals....and by collectibles I mean items made new and sold specifically to be collected, so far as I am aware, NONE of them have so far proved to be a successful investment. Is he aware of this and does he understand it? You use the word "obsession" and I do wonder whether this is verging on a mental health issue triggered or made worse by his physical disability?
Regardless of all that, he can't be allowed to put your and his financial security at risk and he needs to understand this. Its rarely said on MN but I think you need to get and keep control of the money and continue to refuse to subsidise his hobby beyond his own disposable income. Do you have a similar amount for your own hobbies and interests and if not why not? Don't say on here if you don't want to but does his money come from benefits or do you give it? If its benefits then does he also have money to contibute to cover his living costs or do you completely support him? Honestly it does sound as though you and he need to consider how things are shared and paid for and maybe have a reset?

I have several unpleasant habits, mostly but not all trains & paddle steamers (!?!)

Firstly however my family comes first

Secondly I prefer to be choosey about what I aquire, mostly books but also some model railway stuff and I find that by doing so I get more out of what I spend - ie there are not that many books on the Mid Suffolk Light Railway, etc but generic 'Steam over Shap' doesnt add much to my knowledge and understanding.

Finally the vexed issue of resale, will a future generation have much of an interest in models of your husbands era, something much discussed. I suspect not

Have you had the conversation re his contribution to the household income?

sounds like we are all saying the same thing.....

My husband and I debate this frequently. Whilst our kids will probably have no interest in the items acquired in pursuit of his hobby there is room in life for things and pursuits which don’t necessarily make much sense but bring you joy. Otherwise what is the point?

And the obvious caveat to this is financial responsibility to your family first. There are many very wealthy people with vast collections of whatever who can and do collect things simply because they bring joy to themselves whilst they are alive. Afterwards they get donated to a museum which is where my husbands collectibles will go on his passing.

So tell him that you know it isn't an investment, you can't afford it and that if he wants to spend more than his allocated budget, he will have to fund that either by selling some of his collection, or finding some form of work that he can do around his disability.

Get yourself an expensive hobby and pay for it out of his budget for a while, see how he likes it.

His hobby is fine however you need to have stronger boundaries. It’s a firm “no” to hobby money coming out of the joint pot.

Tell him you’re getting burned out working full time and ask if he would give you money out of his spending pot to allow you to cut your hours and spend time on your hobby - resting and recovering from work.

You do need to start putting your foot down here.

£300 per month is a LOT to spend on toy cars- for many people , that’s a monthly food budget. No to taking extra from the household fund- he needs to either stick to the budget or sell to generate new funding.

That's a lot of hobby money for anyone. He needs a budget. If it's 100 a month and he wants to be able to spend 300 in sales, he needs to save so the funds are there when the time comes. He must have enough now to just enjoy what he has for a bit. Being disabled is irrelevant. Everyone needs to budget.

Don't fall for the 'gaining value' line. You've even said that they would sell for less than he's paid.

So each time he buys, it's not an investment. It could be the equivalent of changing a £20 note into a £10.

He spends £300 a month on toys and wants more of your hard earned money for this nonsense? Instant ick for me.

The answer is 'no'

If he wants more expensive items he either has to save up or sell some of his collection. You have a fixed income, there has to be a fixed budget for his discretionary spends.

Are these 'miniature cars' like limited edition matchbox toy cars in their packaging, mint condition?