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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends embarrassing comment to pregnant women’s OH on walk

101 replies

Hailey87 · 20/08/2025 20:27

I met up with my friend for a walk at a local park earlier. We approached a couple who were stopped, a heavily pregnant woman was bent down to tie her lace whilst her (assumed) OH stood there.

Once we walked past them, my friend said to me quite loudly that he won’t be a lot of use if that’s what he’s like already. They definitely would have heard but didn’t say anything.

I felt she was being cheeky and should have kept her mouth shut…do you agree?

OP posts:
fancytoes · 20/08/2025 20:29

She was being cheeky but correct! Perhaps she did the pregnant lady a favour?!

whitewineandsun · 20/08/2025 20:31

She's probably not wrong, seeing as you said he stood there and watched his partner struggle.

Robin67 · 20/08/2025 20:35

I managed to dress myself (including socks and shoes) throughout all stages of all pregnancies. I doubt I am the only one. Your friend was being a twat.

Twinkylightsg · 20/08/2025 20:35

Yanbu. Everyone always blaming the guy. Could he have helped? Yes ofc. But maybe she one of those people who wants to do things herself. My first pregnancy I refused help with anything thinking I can do it myself cause I'm stubborn and would tell OH off if he tried to help so he learned to not do so unless asked. She is an adult she can ask her oh for help. If she is in a relationship where she can't ask her partner to help tie her shoelace then wth.

People on MN always so dramatic.

JLou08 · 20/08/2025 21:10

I'm not sure. I do think shitty behaviour from men should be called out more. It's hard when it's strangers though and you don't know how it would land. The woman could have felt embarrassed and the man not been bothered, if there's DV the man could have been embarrassed and took it out on the woman when they got home. I don't think I'd judge a friend if they did it but I also don't think I'd do it myself to strangers. I would, amd have, done it with people I know.

legalseagull · 20/08/2025 21:16

What? Why can’t she tie her own shoe lace? How does she get dressed every day? I’d have been so embarrassed if my husband bent down to tie my shoes in the street whilst pregnant. I’m not a child and could do it myself

ToKittyornottoKitty · 20/08/2025 21:19

I’m confused by some of these replies, what did he do that is shitty??

TickyandTacky · 20/08/2025 21:20

whitewineandsun · 20/08/2025 20:31

She's probably not wrong, seeing as you said he stood there and watched his partner struggle.

How do you know she struggled?

I certainly wouldn't have wanted my DH tying my laces like I'm a toddler!

ToKittyornottoKitty · 20/08/2025 21:21

whitewineandsun · 20/08/2025 20:31

She's probably not wrong, seeing as you said he stood there and watched his partner struggle.

What did you read exactly? Because the OP doesn’t say that!

CatamaranViper · 20/08/2025 21:25

Fuck I would have been raging if DH bent down to tie my shoelace without me specifically asking him to do so.
Pregnant women are not invalids. Many are perfectly able to do things like tie shoe laces, shave their legs, wash their feet etc.

What an entitled twat thinking that she knows best than the people involved.

Blarn · 20/08/2025 21:31

Maybe she can tie her own shoelaces and just gets on with stuff like loads of women? If you heard her ask and her partner replied no then he would be a twat, otherwise your friend is being stupid.

Dancingsquirrels · 20/08/2025 21:33

I'd assume that she would have asked her DH to tie shoelaces if she needed help

Your friend was rude

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 20/08/2025 21:34

whitewineandsun · 20/08/2025 20:31

She's probably not wrong, seeing as you said he stood there and watched his partner struggle.

You sound like Farage with your own narrative. Struggling isn't what the OP said at all

WishSheWouldGoAway · 20/08/2025 21:34

If she physically couldn't do it, she would have asked for help, right? It's not for anyone else to comment.

Poltroon · 20/08/2025 21:37

Robin67 · 20/08/2025 20:35

I managed to dress myself (including socks and shoes) throughout all stages of all pregnancies. I doubt I am the only one. Your friend was being a twat.

This. It would no more have occurred to me to get DH to tie my shoelaces when nine months pregnant than it would have to tie his.

Enigma54 · 20/08/2025 21:38

Jesus, she’s pregnant, not incapacitated! I got myself showered/ dressed/ laced/ ready for work, right up
until the end of both my pregnancies.

Your friend is a twat!

Waitingfordoggo · 20/08/2025 21:42

legalseagull · 20/08/2025 21:16

What? Why can’t she tie her own shoe lace? How does she get dressed every day? I’d have been so embarrassed if my husband bent down to tie my shoes in the street whilst pregnant. I’m not a child and could do it myself

Yes, this. I was perfectly capable of looking after myself right up until I gave birth. I probably couldn’t have shaved my bikini line by the end, but I didn’t want to anyway 😂 But I was still exercising regularly, swimming, lifting weights and yoga until late on. I didn’t need help with everyday tasks!

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 20/08/2025 21:48

I do think shitty behaviour from men should be called out more.

Well assuming the lady in question has a working voice then lets assume she was capable of calling him out (as well as tying her own shoelace) but didn't because she wasn't actually bothered. It's not anyone else's place to comment.

rainbowunicorn · 20/08/2025 21:53

Some of these comments are wild. Why is the man being called all sorts? Are some of you actually saying that a pregnant woman needs someone to tie her laces? I imagine those saying that are the type that can barely leave the house before the baby is six months old. I honestly wonder how some women manage to remember to breath themselves when I read batshit comments on here.

latetothefisting · 20/08/2025 21:56

your friend was being weird and infantilising.

If the woman is capable of carrying and delivering a whole human then she's capable of asking for help had she needed it. Perhaps she didn't need/want help. Perhaps he was disabled and couldn't have helped. Perhaps, as a pp pointed out, he is careless and unhelpful to the point of abuse, in which case a comment by a random in a park, instead of magically prompting him to change his ways, angered him to the point of taking it out on his wife.

Multiple possibilities none of which your friend's comment would have benefitted anyone. Is she usually gobby?

PistachioTiramisuLimoncello · 20/08/2025 22:01

Eh?

supersonicginandtonic · 20/08/2025 22:11

If my partner had tried to tie my shoelaces when I was pregnant, I'd have knee'd him in the face.

Misbella · 20/08/2025 22:13

Robin67 · 20/08/2025 20:35

I managed to dress myself (including socks and shoes) throughout all stages of all pregnancies. I doubt I am the only one. Your friend was being a twat.

Exactly, me too and I went three weeks over due date. Pregnancy is not a disability unless you have complications

SouthLondonMum22 · 20/08/2025 22:38

I could manage to dress myself just fine when I was pregnant. I wouldn't have appreciated a stranger infantilising me.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 20/08/2025 22:43

You haven’t even said that she was struggling to tie her shoelace, just that she was tying it. Being pregnant doesn’t suddenly turn you into a toddler. Presumably if she’d needed help she’d have asked for it.