Friends embarrassing comment to pregnant women’s OH on walk

[Hailey87]

I met up with my friend for a walk at a local park earlier. We approached a couple who were stopped, a heavily pregnant woman was bent down to tie her lace whilst her (assumed) OH stood there.

Once we walked past them, my friend said to me quite loudly that he won’t be a lot of use if that’s what he’s like already. They definitely would have heard but didn’t say anything.

I felt she was being cheeky and should have kept her mouth shut…do you agree?

Exactly, and all the nursery workers/childminders etc presumably do a lot of bending down all day at work. Yes, some people are signed off work due to genuine medical issues, but most of us work until birth, even if our role involves some physical work, at the same time as looking after other kids on our days off. I would not expect my husband, or anyone else, to tie my laces unless I had a problematic pregnancy-and most people would call a man who babies their wife patronising and offensive. Poor bloke couldn't win, he'd have been called a fuss pot if he had. It's up to him and his wife what he should do, not for strangers to judge.

This brings me back..
My mother was expecting her 4th child and she used to ask me to tie her shoe laces. I was 6 and had no idea why she was asking me.

This
Both times I was perfectly capable of tying my own shoes up, wouldn't even have occurred to me to get DH to do it for me 🙄
Your friend was a dick.

totally agree. I would never expect my DH to dress me - I am not the child in the situation!

Nah she was right and I’d have said the same.

Why??

Fuck only knows 😳

If he'd bent down to do it for her against her wishes, the replies would be all about toxic masculinity 🤷‍♀️

Laces are easy. I am 41 weeks pregnant and managed to paint my toenails today :d

For all anyone knows, the guy could have asked her if he could tie her laces and she said no.

I’d have hated someone else to tie my shoelaces. I like them to be the exact level of tightness I like. And that is different between my two feet as one ankle is a bit weak after a sports injury from decades ago.

Your friend was being a bit of a prick. So are all the people in this thread saying oh my god how infantilising and awful to not be able to tie your shoes in pregnancy. Bully for all of you that you didn’t have pgp, debilitating nausea right through, or any other condition making bending impossible, but they’re not uncommon and those of us who had them aren’t just princesses who enjoy not tying our own shoes!

I couldn’t tie my shoelaces in the later stages of my first pregnancy but my DH had also just had surgery and couldn’t bend down.

Your friend doesn't know the situation she was extremely rude and officious.

This. Would not have occurred to me to expect anyone else to tie my shoelaces just because I was pregnant!!

It’s not about managing though. It’s about being treated with kindness and care at the late stages of a frankly big task. Being heavily pregnant is easy on no one. Why wouldn’t a partner or even friend do the laces for them?
I can open doors for myself but someone walking ahead of me shutting it in my face would still be rude.
I can carry my own groceries but not offering to share the load would also be a pretty unattractive trait in a partner.

we do it for each other.

I personally would not have wanted and didn't need my partner to fasten my laces for me even in late stage of pregnancy.

Also you are catching a moment in time, perhaps the OH actually offered and she told him to do one 🤷‍♀️

Well, your ‘kindness and care’ is my ‘weirdly infantilising’, so I suppose these things are subjective.

Where does it say she was struggling?

Without knowing the people involved I’d class that as a pretty shitty thing to say.

Your friend is being unreasonable to assume she knows anything about two strangers situation or preferences. There are so many legitimate reasons why he may not have been tying her shoe lace. You know nothing about them.

That’s fine for you but maybe this woman prefers to do up her own laces? Maybe she is not uncomfortable or struggling at all and maybe her DP (assuming that’s who is is) has a bad back? Maybe they don’t know each other well and this woman would find it awkward to have a relative stranger doing up her shoes for her?

ww literally have no idea.

Most women could manage in late pregnancy.

I couldn't, but I'd have been wearing my pull-on slouchy boots (bought with my "health in pregnancy" grant), and gave up "going for a walk" by 8 months pg anyway when I had to abort mission to walk to the local shops and had to rest at the playground before facing the agony of trudging home again.

It was none of your friend's business.

The woman may have been quite capable of tying her own laces.
She might have wanted to retain some independence.
He might not have been her DH.

This

Your friend was probably right though wasn’t she.

It was a bit rude, but hopefully it might make him THINK.

So I am currently overdue and really struggling, I can’t tie my shoe laces and haven’t been able to for the last month for a couple of reasons, so my husband does it for me. However if I could tie my laces, I absolutely would be, and everything else that I can do, I do myself. It really winds me up when people treat me like I’m disabled and in constant need of help.

Im sure if she needed help she would have asked, and if I overheard your friend make a comment like that to my husband, she would have got a taste of a heavily pregnant womens hormonal outburst!