Kids eating all my food

[hot2go]

I have a ds14 and over summer our house seems to be the one that he and his friends congregate at. Often they will go out swimming or to the park or whatever and then come back here to hang out and play Xbox. I have no issue with this although sometimes it’s a bit stressful to come home to a messy house full of teenage boys after work.

However the sheer amount of food they get through is ridiculous. Mostly snacks and crisps but it’s costing me a fortune. If I’m here I’ll make sandwiches or pizzas but if they are home alone they will take whatever is easiest. I have spent loads over the holidays on food and it’s starting to grate that when I go to the cupboard for something there’s nothing left. I’ve suggested to ds that they go to someone else’s house for a change but he just shrugs and says they like it here.

I don’t want to be mean and I don’t want to deliberately not provide stuff or lock the treats away like Dh suggests but Aibu to be a bit peeved. The other mums must know where their kids are and presumably are aware how much teenage boys eat.

Tell your son they are welcome here but they need to go to the shops togethet and buy all their snacks. Dont buy any and those you do put them separately. Dont provide cooked pizzas etc. They can go to the shops together with their pocket money and buy the food they want to eat and cook like pizzas.

If it were me I agree with PP, if it’s yours and only your house everyone’s at everyday then as a compromise so that boys aren’t going hungry but your finances aren’t obliterated either, I’d just stock up on generic bread, jam, butter and cordial. Squash and sandwiches is better than nowt!

Some people can't afford that stuff for 5 or 6 extra kids. In fact that's how some families, manage to feed their own kids

This! Stop letting them have unlimited access to food - restrict it. Make sure DS does not know where it is and can’t access it. Say they can make toast, and leave some crisps in the cupboard. Hide the rest.

You need a frank discussion with your DS about the cost of food, and consider that perhaps the other mums have done that with theirs … I certainly did. There was always food for them, but not unlimited, expensive snacks.

What? Haven't they gone home for their own dinner?

You need to stop worrying about locking stuff away or being seen as mean.
I used to have a house full of other peoples ravenous teenagers (my God teenage boys can eat a hell of a lot) and I simply could not afford to feed them expensive stuff.
So for what I call drop ins (random kids who turn up at your house rather than kids who have been invited for a sleepover or something)
I would buy Tesco 75p white bread, cheap jam and they can have toast/jam sandwiches. They can drink water or cheap squash. If you want something hot then Iceland £1 pizzas or budget baked beans.

If they are hungry they will eat the cheap stuff, if they don't like the cheap stuff they can fill up on expensive snacks when they go back to their own homes.

Hide the good stuff, because being out of pocket because you don't want a bunch of teens to think you are tight is nuts (because they won't actually care they are just mindlessly munching on stuff while they play games, they won't notice whether they are eating caviar or cardboard.)

Yes they do go home for dinner.

I would have told them weeks ago that if they want to eat it all with their friends then I won’t be replacing it.

Yep, offer salad, you'll never see them again

Euh, yeah, which is why I started off with "unless..." ...?

Surely I can say that of all the things to spend my money on (car, holidays, make-up, pets), feeding friends cheap snacks would be really high on my list of things I like to spend money on, without assuming everyone can? As it stands, the fact that some families can't would be all the more reason for me to be happy to spend money on snacks for teens... IF I can afford it.

His friends like it at yours because there seems to be no boundaries. They can come and go as they please and eat whatever they want. They won’t be allowed to do that in their own homes.

I have a teen and you really do have to be firm.

Me too. My house is like this as well OP and I'm delighted that their friends feel at home here. It means you can see who they are spending time with and know that they are safe and not hanging around street corners etc.

I just keep loads of cheap pizzas and oven chips in the freezer. DC know they're allowed to make these.
Stock up on cheap crisps and biscuits at B&M etc. it doesn't have to be gourmet stuff. Big white loaf of bread as PP said - toast will also do.

if it was me i would be hiding all my snacks in my room ,fridge stuff in a empty veg bag . I would buy the cheapest snacks i could find like value range stuff or farmfoods .Make a plate of jam sandwiches/ham in the fridge only food kids would find in my house be stuff that requires cooking from scratch or stuff i have made available to them

iceland budget pizzas are a good idea

Bit of a stretch from eating my Monster Munch to ‘coming and going as they please’ and having no boundaries 😂

I have 3 (now adult) sons and ours was always the preferred 'go-to' house.

But I never let my sons take the piss.

They knew to tidy up before I got home and they knew which snacks they could/couldn't offer their friends.

Two small rules but we stuck to them and it worked 🤷‍♂️

They are not starving, they're taking advantage. If there was nothing in your house to eat, they would no doubt buy their own - I'm sure they have money. They've just learned that they can stuff their faces at your house. Perhaps your son encourages it because it makes him feel popular, or he's worried that they'll leave him out otherwise. I would try a week of nothing but fruit in the cupboards and see if the dynamic changes. Do they disappear as soon as they realise they won't get an endless supply of free food?

Cheap thick sliced white bread, peanut butter, cheap jam, apples and bananas. Tell them to help themselves to these but ONLY these as other food is for family main meals.

I wouldn't be embarrassed to tell them this. They are made welcome BUT these are your boundaries.

Stop worrying about what they think or spend your life being a martyr the choice is yours

Have a basket out with some select things they are welcome to when visiting. Eberything else is off limits.

Just buy snacks for your son weekly (maybe slightly more than your son would eat), I found my ds was less likely to offer snacks when they were his and if his pals ate them all, he had no more until next shop.

Agree with other posters. Our is the go-to house and I buy in teenage boy food. DS knows in advance what he can take. Everyone is happy.
(Cheese and ham toasties mainly.)

While you want to be the well-liked cool mum who lets them eat and behave how they want, you are never going to save yourself any money. As a PP says provide a cheap loaf, Jam and fruit and lay down a few rules.

Is it really enough?

It sounds like they are there whenever they want to be, eating whatever they want and staying until late? Where’s the boundaries?

May I present a different perspective?
I can see that it may be annoying from a financial point of view, but there are distinct advantages where the preferred meeting place of your child’s social group is on your own turf.

You know where he / they are, probably what they’re watching / doing and what they’re not- your son is secure in his home, parents and welcome.

I found my kids friends were at some ages more inclined to speak to me than my own children were so I found out what was going on etc 😁. They were less inclined to take the proverbial or fallout when they knew the wider family and to be honest it was a pleasure to get to know ( most of) them.

With the boys, yes they were often less chatty than the girls, but it was a very ‘Kevin the teenager’ scenario - they may have ignored and grunted at their own embarrassing parents but they always said hello and thanked me for any catering and mostly offered to help tidy up/ bring plates down which I know for a fact they didn’t do without nagging in their own homes. I’m sure my boys were the same in others homes. Twas ever thus 😁

It really depends on if the trouble is that you can't afford it or if it's that you buy yourself snacks and they're never there when you want them.

I have a 3 drawer mesh thing from Ikea near the back door and I stock it with all sorts of snacks from Aldi. The kids and their friends have free range of whatever is in there, plus the ice lollies in the freezer. No need to ask and I only put stuff in there that I won't miss.

I also have a shelf in the cabinet that is for me. That's where my favourite chocolate, splurge snacks, dried fruit that I have for my own lunches, etc goes. No one is welcome to that shelf.

So if the problem is more the one I had before sorting this out, then just create a second space that is for them (maybe a drawer somewhere or a shelf in the lounge or whatever). Announce the system to them and put whatever you're comfortable with there. If it's right in front of them and isn't magically refilled regularly they should get the point.

If the problem is money, that's absolutely fair and you should just stop providing it at all. But if it's not and you can manage, it's actually lovely that your house is the safe space where everyone wants to be - I hope my kids are at my house all the time as teenagers - I did everything I could to be as far away from my parents as possible at that age!