To think that if you go on the hen you should be invited to more than just the evening do?

[Aneena]

Going to a hen do - the bride is my best friends younger sister who is also best friends with my younger sister. We’ve all been really close since we were tiny. Hen do already paid for - four days away in January.

I got the wedding invitation through for February, and have only been invited to the evening? Normally I am a “your wedding, your way” person. But I find it a bit weird that I’m going abroad with you to celebrate your marriage, to not actually see you get married?

Its going to be a medium ish wedding (about 150 people) and my sister is maid of honour.

I just feel a bit weird/ flat about it?

I wouldn’t be bothered. You’ve not been forced to go on the hen do.

Agreed, that is weird

If I forked out for a 4 day trip I’d be livid not to be invited to the wedding. That’s such poor form

And I don’t want to be that person that makes a fuss about someone else’s wedding. Just seeing as my best friend and sister will be there all day, with me only invited in the evening makes me feel like have I done something wrong?

Fully agree with you.

I wouldnt go to either.

How embarrassing.

(for the bride)

my first thought was it’s fine - they might just be having a smaller main do - but then you said it was a 4 day hen do which presumably you have to fund yourself? That seems ridiculous.

I had that with a very good friend of mine- hen do invite but only reception invite. She had been to my full wedding with her now husband I didn't really know a couple of years earlier. She had also asked for loads of my advice about venues and I did a big search for her and sent lots of potentials for her at her request.

I almost didn't go to the hen do but did in the end. We are still friends but it does hurt a bit. My OH said I should have binned her.

I agree with you. I would politely decline. It seems to be becoming a thing now though..my husband was invited to a stag but not the actual wedding just the evening do. It's almost as if the bride sees you as a "party" friend but not a good friend.

And now I’m thinking was I only invited to the hen do because my sister is organising it/ it would be obvious I was left out of it? Like maybe the bride doesn’t really want me there but feels obliged? The four of us do stuff together all the time

With a wedding that size and a 4 day hen do, I would be hurt and upset too. Is anyone else on the hen do only invited to the reception?

I would pull out of the hen, guilt free. However, you may actually want to go.

I'm not a fan of evening dos unless going in a group of work colleagues so I would definitely decline in these circumstances. Again, guilt free.

If wedding is local I would probably still go, but no new dress etc(unless you want too).
No wedding present either, but I would be hurt.

What does your sister think?

You haven’t done anything wrong but I think you are seen as a friend by association rather than a true friend. It’s common for the wider group to form part of a hen do while the wedding is more numbers crunched.

Have fun and don’t worry too much.

Where is the actual wedding ceremony? If it's in a church, there's nothing stopping you going along to see them get married.

YABU

You and her aren’t actually friends.

I assume you’re invited to the hen and evening do, as you’re the sisters friend and associate with the bride but you’re not actually the brides friend.

I wouldn’t expect to get an invite to my friends siblings weddings.

If the hen do and wedding are both abroad, then it’s different but I assume the hen do is abroad and the wedding is back in this country.

She’s not OPs good friend though.

OP is friends with the brides sister.

That’s really rude. I’d pull out of the hen do.

I've been to a few hen dos where I only went to the evening do. I think it comes down to knowing someone we'll enough to want to party with them. But then not close enough to make it up the list for smaller weddings or for people with massive families. Never thought to be offended by it.
Best friend's younger sister sounds a bit removed. I'm guessing your friend wants you to come and party on the hen.

My dc are of the age where they are in a round of hen do and stag do invitations and wedding invitations.

They see this as quite normal.
If they want a night out / weekend away / short break abroad because they always have a great time with that group of friends (and have the money and the time to do it) then they go. They understand that weddings usually mean inviting parents / grandparents / Aunts / Uncles / Cousins and that venues don't always have the capacity or budgets don't have the capacity for "people we like to go out with for a night on the town".
If they don't have the AL or money or time or don't fancy the event, then they don't go.

It isn't rude. It is about matching the right people with the right event.
They know that 'mates sister Aneena' is a laugh on a night out / short break and will be up for dressing up or silly games or drinking games much more than Aunty Barbara, so Aneena gets invited for a weekend away, which obviously she doesn't have to go to if she doesn't want to, and Aunty Barbara doesn't.
Whereas a more formal ceremony, drinks Reception, sit down meal and speeches will be enjoyed and very much appreciated by Aunty Barbara (and she will be looking after Grandma for the day) so the fact they are coming means all friends can't be there for the whole day.

Honestly, I would say no to the hen do in that case. I assume that it will be expensive and the hens will probably be asked to chip in to pay the bride's share of the costs of travel, accommodation and activities. That is fair enough if you are close enough friends to be invited to the wedding, but not if you are only invited to the evening do.

This all sounds very awkward with your sister being the maid of honour and your best friend being the bride's sister. I'm surprise that the bride didn't invite you to the whole day, particularly as you say that the four of you often do stuff together.

Don’t go to the hen.

You’re right that you’ve only been invited to the hen to keep your best friend company. Poor form on her (your best friend) I say for not explaining to you that you’ve not been invited the wedding before you said yes to the hen do.