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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if you go on the hen you should be invited to more than just the evening do?

97 replies

Aneena · 18/08/2025 19:17

Going to a hen do - the bride is my best friends younger sister who is also best friends with my younger sister. We’ve all been really close since we were tiny. Hen do already paid for - four days away in January.

I got the wedding invitation through for February, and have only been invited to the evening? Normally I am a “your wedding, your way” person. But I find it a bit weird that I’m going abroad with you to celebrate your marriage, to not actually see you get married?

Its going to be a medium ish wedding (about 150 people) and my sister is maid of honour.

I just feel a bit weird/ flat about it?

OP posts:
Mulledjuice · 19/08/2025 08:33

Aneena · 18/08/2025 19:19

And I don’t want to be that person that makes a fuss about someone else’s wedding. Just seeing as my best friend and sister will be there all day, with me only invited in the evening makes me feel like have I done something wrong?

Your best friend is at the whole thing because the bride is her sister!

I am used to hen dos being parties for the bride and her friends, and I wouldnt think it weird if I were invited to the hen but not the whole wedding in your circumstances. She's not your best friend.

Original poster
Aneena · 19/08/2025 09:01

Mulledjuice · 19/08/2025 08:33

Your best friend is at the whole thing because the bride is her sister!

I am used to hen dos being parties for the bride and her friends, and I wouldnt think it weird if I were invited to the hen but not the whole wedding in your circumstances. She's not your best friend.

Show quote history

It’s more the fact that they are my “go to” group. We do a lot as a four. It makes me feel very on the edge of the group and just a bit shit.

OP posts:
PollyBell · 19/08/2025 09:02

I get an invite i decide i want to go to that event or not, i wouldn't be upset if I was invited to the wedding and not the hen night so no idea why the reverse would upset me they are events for people to go to if they want to or decline if they don't

Original poster
Aneena · 19/08/2025 09:02

Obviously any other friends sister I wouldn’t blink an eye about it!

OP posts:
Mulledjuice · 19/08/2025 09:13

Aneena · 19/08/2025 09:01

It’s more the fact that they are my “go to” group. We do a lot as a four. It makes me feel very on the edge of the group and just a bit shit.

Show quote history

See, that's very different. If you'd posted "my go-to friendship group is a group of 4 including me. I've committed to the 4 day hen and just found out that im only invited to the evening do while the others are going to the whole thing (1, my best friend, is MoH as she is also the bride's sister)"
Then you'd have got different responses

user1492757084 · 19/08/2025 09:24

It's a bit sad, TBH, though you can't complain.

Next time you four are all out together just ask the bride if it would be okay for you to take a peek at the bridal party entering the church yard (or leaving the house on their way) as you'd love to see them.

She will be very happy with that, I would think.

I would accept the invitation to the evening do but rethink whether you want to spend so much time off work for the hens. You will probably enjoy it if it is with all your friends.

Tiredofwhataboutery · 19/08/2025 09:25

Do you ever do anything just the two of you? I think she sees you as an extension of your/ her sister. Friends of circumstance.

Diarygirlqueen · 19/08/2025 10:58

I feel for you OP.
You have every right to feel hurt and sad but at least you now know where you stand with that friend.
You have your sister and your best friend, you have more than alot of people.
Probably, the best thing would be to go on the hen abd evening do and move on. Me, I wouldn't go, the expense and time wasted for an evening do wouldn't be worth it.

Laura236 · 19/08/2025 11:06

My husband had the same thing and then they cut numbers for the wedding and invited to the evening only. it was 3hrs away and would have had to drop our daughter to my mums an hour as well so obviously wasnt going to go. So husband declined the stag and asked for a refund. Hens/Stags should be your closest friends and family not just to make up numbers.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 19/08/2025 11:09

What does your sister think about it?

indoorplantqueen · 19/08/2025 11:09

I’ve been to several hen’s where I’ve then only been invited to the evening do. These have been friends of friends who I’ve met on nights out but not super close.

MyOliveStork · 19/08/2025 11:10

I would definitely feel very hurt by this as well especially if you do see her as a good friend in her own right rather than just as part of your group of four. If you feel happy and comfortable going to the hen and evening do then do and enjoy it. If it has now made you feel uncomfortable and would rather not, then don’t. But afterwards you will probably regret not going and totally missing out on everything.
Personally I would go along with it as it is, but in future do less as a four and don’t think of her as your friend, rather your sisters friend. You live and learn and sometimes finding out how other people feel or think about you can be quite hurtful but they are entitled to be able to do this. She probably didn’t realise you felt more strongly about her and doesn’t even register that she has made you feel this way.
Maybe asking your sister or friend in a casual way might be insightful but I suspect best to leave that conversation until after the wedding.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/08/2025 21:08

FleurDeFleur · 18/08/2025 20:43

God, that's awful. Waiting outside to be let in! Terrible.

Show quote history

In my case we were put in a nice room and then allowed into the room where the dinner and speeches were happening, but it was still awkward. I've read of worse experiences on here.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/08/2025 21:11

"t's a bit sad, TBH, though you can't complain."

She effing well CAN complain if she wants to.

"just ask the bride if it would be okay for you to take a peek at the bridal party entering the church yard (or leaving the house on their way) as you'd love to see them."

WTF. That's something you do if you're extremely local and happen to be passing by. Also, anyone can attend a wedding ceremony by law - it's not something you beg for!

CoffeenWalnut · 19/08/2025 21:36

I agree it's a bit shitty to invite you to an expensive hen do (four nights away is definitely going to cost a certain amount） and then not to invite you to the wedding itself.
As Gwenhwyfar said, legally anyone can attend the wedding - it's a public event. Presumably you live locally so no particular expense would be incurred..... I would go to see your friend married..... perhaps you can find out during the hen party if there are any others in a similar situation and you could go to the cereemony as a group and then do something nice together while filling in time before the evening do. We have done precisely this in the past.

FleurDeFleur · 19/08/2025 21:39

Gwenhwyfar · 19/08/2025 21:08

In my case we were put in a nice room and then allowed into the room where the dinner and speeches were happening, but it was still awkward. I've read of worse experiences on here.

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I think it's rude. Imagine treating people like that.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/08/2025 21:47

FleurDeFleur · 19/08/2025 21:39

I think it's rude. Imagine treating people like that.

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Well the principle of the evening do is well established and then the evening was just not that well organised. I'm sure it wasn't done on purpose.
Here, the OP is being treated like shit NOW and she should speak up.

BirthdeighParteigh · 19/08/2025 21:49

Sad that you were good enough to bolster numbers at the expensive hen party, but not good enough to be actually invited to the wedding.

CheeseyOnionPie · 19/08/2025 21:54

This is really rude and bad form. She’s happy for you to spend money (I assume the bride isn’t funding this hen do) and make her look super popular with loads of friends on the big hen do hoopla and then you’re relegated to evening do only!

I would not be attending the hen do.

FleurDeFleur · 19/08/2025 22:23

Gwenhwyfar · 19/08/2025 21:47

Well the principle of the evening do is well established and then the evening was just not that well organised. I'm sure it wasn't done on purpose.
Here, the OP is being treated like shit NOW and she should speak up.

Show quote history

On purpose or not - not great. I agree she should speak up.

NeededANameChangeAnyway · 17/01/2026 21:45

Evening do in my opinion are those people who you like but don't want to buy a meal for. Tier 2 type folk you like and enjoy a casual time with but not good mates. We invited work colleagues, neighbours who were my parents friends, folk from a sports team DH had fairly recently joined for example.

I'd be a bit put out if I thought I was a good mate but was relegated to the evening do

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 17/01/2026 23:13

I had a hen night invite and no wedding invite at all!

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