To think that if you go on the hen you should be invited to more than just the evening do?

[Aneena]

Going to a hen do - the bride is my best friends younger sister who is also best friends with my younger sister. We’ve all been really close since we were tiny. Hen do already paid for - four days away in January.

I got the wedding invitation through for February, and have only been invited to the evening? Normally I am a “your wedding, your way” person. But I find it a bit weird that I’m going abroad with you to celebrate your marriage, to not actually see you get married?

Its going to be a medium ish wedding (about 150 people) and my sister is maid of honour.

I just feel a bit weird/ flat about it?

It’s really rude and I’d not go to either.

Sorry because I bet you’re hurt.

OP's sister is the bride's best friend and OP says that the four of them have all been really close since they were small. It does seem like a snub to me.

I was invited to 2 hens where I wasn't invited to the wedding. I didn't go. I'm not being a person there to make up numbers if I'm not important enough for the wedding.

I understand your confusion but I’d be delighted. I’m from the US and at least where I live if you aren’t expected to go to other than the evening reception most breathe a sigh of relief. But here (where I live) it’s usually wedding ceremony, (if you even go), hang around for a few hours while pics are taken, then the evening reception usually takes place around 6:00 pm, full free bar, and goes to around midnight. That’s one damn long day, I’m relieved just to show up at 6:00 for the evening festivities!

I'm going to agree with pp, it's rude. You're not "top tier" for some reason. I wouldn't go.

That's awful. I can't believe how some brides behave.

Me too.I'd drop out and not bother going to the wedding at all.

I generally don’t have an issue with evening invites but I think this is rude

YANBU - for every single hen do I’ve been been invited to, I’ve had a whole day wedding invite. I wasn’t invited on the hen for any I have received evening invites to. This always felt entirely appropriate to me- the people I am closer to invited me to both, the evening ones I had no expectation of attending the hen.

Similarly, for my own hen do all my hens received whole day invited, and that included husbands and all children too.

I don't think this is an issue. Hen dos are often a free for all and anyone who is free generally goes.

It's not a free for all if it is a four day holiday abroad
Id.imagine only the brides closes friends would be invited to that

This isn't my experience at all.

I think it's totally understandable that you're disappointed OP, it's pretty rude of the bride.

Aren't they usually linked to a wedding? That's why it's a hen do, and not just a friends' holiday.

If her sister is your best friend then probably you weee invited to the hen do because the sister wanted you there rather than the bride?

If you do things together a lot and you are close to the bride then you should be invited to the whole day, especially if 150 people are going that’s a large wedding.

I wouldn’t mind so much if it was a small wedding with closest family/ friends.

Given the context of you regularly spending time with her, and knowing her since you were young, it is very rude to only invite you to the evening. I'd be hurt too.

I'd drop out of the lot. Fuck going on a hen with people who are invited to the best bit and you being on the B list to make numbers up. But I can't suck up being treated like crap. You might be a nicer person than me.

I would drop out of the hen since it’s abroad. It’s too much of an expense/use of AL/childcare for somebody who sees you as a lower priority.

I've been invited to an evening do only after a weekend hen do before

I think people approach things different and it just depends how you feel about the situation for example it wouldn't bother me if I were only invited to the evening do if it were a very small wedding or I knew budget was tight but I liked the bride whereas I might be more bothered if many others were invited to the wedding and I was excluded and it felt like I was on the hen to subsidise numbers

She presumably agreed assuming she was a wedding guest though.

Whereas I'd imagine the sort of people who would be 'up for that' would be invited. Lots of people who might be close to the bride might not want to go to that sort of event / not afford it / not be able to get leave / not be able to get childcare / etc.

I mean, I would have said 'no thanks' in the first place, but if it is the sort of thing you enjoy, then does it matter if you aren't going to the ceremony and meal ? You either go because you want to, or don't go because you don't want to.
The fact the OP has booked on, indicates she thought 'Oh this will be fun', so how is it any more or any less fun if she is at the day part or not?

She's already paid for it.

I’ve been to plenty of local hen dos in my youth and not gone to the wedding, but they were just nights out.

So I was part of a friendship group and one was getting married. She organised the date of the hen and we all agreed in principle.
Then in the post we were sent evening only invites. The MOH sent details of expensive daytime activity and we all made excuses and just went to the evening bit. It was awkward as fuck, it was our group plus a few of her friends from school and a work colleague and that was it. I think only the MOH and work colleague went to the whole thing. Our group was just a bit pissed off about it, especially being asked to spend so much money and the Bride was pissed we didn’t do it (one did and B/MOH treated her horribly). Weddings are a minefield. And the wedding was awful in the end too.

Result. You get to go to the party bits and miss the standing around waiting parts.

That’s beyond poor form.

hendo local in a pub. Fair enough. Four days away, that’s good friends who do that for you.

I would bow out.