To think that if you go on the hen you should be invited to more than just the evening do?

[Aneena]

Going to a hen do - the bride is my best friends younger sister who is also best friends with my younger sister. We’ve all been really close since we were tiny. Hen do already paid for - four days away in January.

I got the wedding invitation through for February, and have only been invited to the evening? Normally I am a “your wedding, your way” person. But I find it a bit weird that I’m going abroad with you to celebrate your marriage, to not actually see you get married?

Its going to be a medium ish wedding (about 150 people) and my sister is maid of honour.

I just feel a bit weird/ flat about it?

"so Aneena gets invited for a weekend away, which obviously she doesn't have to go to if she doesn't want to, and Aunty Barbara doesn't."

So Aneena has to pay loads of money for a multi-day party whereas Aunty Barbara gets everything paid for her? Annena having accepted the invitation to the hen night, assuming she would be coming to the wedding and not knowing she was only being used as person in the bar for the hen weekend.

100%. Happened to me...I thought I was invited to the day do too though! When this happened a second time I refused the hen do. What am I there for...to make up the bloody numbers.

Still save extra expenses, annual leave, childcare, etc. total waste.

Happened to me too. The bridesmaid just invited anyone the bride had in her email address book!

Oh no!

She gets to go to all the bits where she has to pay for herself (assuming the night do is a paying bar). Some people also actually like weddings and nice food.

Wasn't so bad as it was a night out where I live. I probably wouldn't have gone on a weekend away. We were also supposed to wear a certain colour, which I didn't even read in the invitation.

I know! I've seen this a lot on MN. Some people think weddings are "boring" and only like the evening party. I love a wedding! Never found them "boring"!

If it was a local hen do then I wouldn't think too much of it but 4 day trip abroad does suggest you are a close friend or at least is asking you to commit time and money like you consider yourself a close friend. So to only be evening only is a bit odd and means you are a friend through association. Shame your friend didn't make it clearer when you were invited to the hen.

Misread completely, thought wedding was the 4 day event!

I'd still just please myself, though. Does the Hen sound like fun? If not, no need to attend

Nope. She isn't your best friend.

Is your sister invited to daytime?

"The fact the OP has booked on, indicates she thought 'Oh this will be fun', so how is it any more or any less fun if she is at the day part or not?"

She may have agreed out of a feeling of friendship with the bride. Bride has indicated she doesn't feel the same way so I'm sure the enjoyment has now been taken out of it.

Perhaps also because your friends with her big sister & she wants to make sure sister has someone she knows there / to share a room with?

As per PP, no requirement to attend unless you really fancy it, I think.

Perhaps it's different because I don't live in a world of people having abroad hen dos.
The most I ever went to was an overnight stay in the UK and actually thinking about it, I wasn't invited to that wedding and only the evening do!

Generally with my friends anyone has been invited to the hen do as it is a night out in celebration of the bride. It does not reflect the wedding itself.
In fact friends of friends tagged onto my meal and night out but there was no expectation of coming to the wedding, they just wanted a night out (we all had young kids so any excuse for a night off parenting maybe!).

I also find hen nights to be the very definition of NOT FUN even though I've agreed to go on them in the past - people often agree to be nice to their friends.
Evening dos are OK, but they're usually not so great when you're arriving at the end after everyone else has been eating together, not to mention those examples given of the evening meal going over time and the evening do guests having to hang around.

God, that's awful. Waiting outside to be let in! Terrible.

To me the issue isn’t the Hen do as such, more about being an evening only guest at a large wedding where you’d expect to be invited for the day.

I’ve been to a Hen as an evening guest before a couple of times. One was a work colleague. Like another poster said, the Hen do was about the social group of the bride whereas the wedding was a family orientated affair. Another was a friend who was having a tiny family only ceremony and her friends to the evening party. I actually helped organise her Hen as well as attend it. Both were single overnights relatively local to where most of us lived rather than pricey weekends abroad though.

I think it’s ok but you should know what you’re invited to before having to agree to /pay for anything hen related. And tbh if it’s just you who is invited to hen and then evening only, it’s pretty rude. But if there was a number of people invited to the hen who were evening only, it might be ok. For example, if the couple had big families and couldn’t invite as many friends as they might like.

That’s crazy.

I posted earlier re hen night. I wouldn’t be going and OP shouldn’t.

rural Scotland here, evening do standard. HOWEVER. Nobody waits. Ever. (Here). Meal. Then speeches. Then all kicked out for a good hour before evening do to the bar, garden, whatever. Bride and groom welcome evening guests

they tend to be (farming community) local community friends, businesses, parents, long standing neighbours farms.

even if it ran oVer They would all be looked after. Nobody waiting outside

Totally agree. If you’d have known you wouldn’t have forked out on such an expensive hen do. Feels shitty. Why do people do this?

Ugh, you’ve only been invited as you’re the sister’s best friend really. The bride obvs isn’t bothered about your attendance if she’s only invited you to the evening part. I wouldn’t be going to the hen, and I don’t do two tier weddings, so wouldn’t go to an evening only invite anyway, let alone in this case.

Does the person organising the hen generally know who's invited to what part of the wedding?

Not surprising you feel the way you do - always a shock to find out a friend has a completely different idea about the level of friendship, and tricky to navigate this new information in the context of a hen do, wedding, and friendship/family group. Especially if you don't want to make a fuss.
If you're still feeling lousy about it and can't imagine enjoying a 4 day hen, I'd consider cutting losses (or seeing if any can be recouped?) and pulling out. You'd end up spending lots while there too I imagine. I'd just say I think a 4 day hen is a bit excessive as you have realised you are not really that close. Unless you give it time and see if the sting subsides and you can readjust your mind set. It is shocking though.

My sister is MOH

My sister is MOH