To pay/not pay the dog walker

[sophh7]

I don’t live with my partner but we’ve been together a few years. He works Monday-Friday, long days, this has only been the case for the last couple of years (he’s self employed so work isn’t always guaranteed either).

He used to pay the dog walker for a walk Monday-Friday, but stopped this a couple of months ago as work dried up and money was tight. I work from home so would pop over 2 or 3 days a week and walk her. This wasn’t always the case each week so I offered to pay for the dog walker to do once a week (I was happy to - although the dog is fine on her own for 8 hours a day I felt sorry for her. She also had access to the back garden still).

His 16 year old son has been at my DP's house since the start of the school holidays. I said to DP I’d stop paying the dog walker / popping over to walk to the dog as his son was there every day (it’s his dog). DP said he couldn’t force his son to walk the dog but he’d try. We’re now over half way through the holidays and it turns out his son hasn’t been walking the dog. At all.

I feel like asking the dog walker to start doing once or twice a week again, even though his son is there as currently she is only getting walked at the weekend when DP is at home. I feel dreadfully sorry for her not being walked, but why should I pay when there is a perfectly capable child at home that should be being made to walk her?

Apologies for this being so long winded!

Only have the dog living with you if it’s formally agreed that you’re now the owner of the dog. It would be such a messy set up for you to look after/walk/bond with the dog and your DP to pay for anything - What would happen if you split, or he wanted his dog back, or it got ill and he refused to pay for the vet?

I understand you love the dog and feel sorry for it but it was your DP’s choice to not pay for a dog walker and whether he has authority or not over his son is his own problem. Personally I would lose quite bit of respect for him over this situation

Yes, of course, it's the dog's fault! 🙄

Isn't this a bigger problem than the dog? You have a partner who has a dog he doesn't/can't exercise, who is making no effort to sort it out (not even paying his child to do it or even asking you to do it), with a kid at home that he's not parenting, both of whom are happy to let the dog suffer.

This seems a helpful insight into their general approach to life - is this a family you want to be part of?

I would be telling your boyfriend that he needs to be a much firmer parent. His son either walks the dog or his xbox/spending money/wifi access is removed. If your boyfriend isn't willing to step up and take responsibility as the adult/parent then he should rehome the dog.

Agreed! Pair of twats. Poor dog.

I do know how someone solved this. The WiFi was turned off until pictures had been sent with time stamps of dog on said walk. At a proper distance from home. Probably need to include Google maps or something to demonstrate the route that was taken. A shag to set up but a solution.

That is so good! Teenagers can be shockingly lazy with pets. Love the cuddles but not boring stuff.

Quite! Ops stated the dogs fine for 8 hours so presumably the partner has plenty time to give the dog a proper walk every single day., he's just being a lazy sod too.

I'm currently doing a 6+ hour round trip to visit my dh in hospital, whilst juggling 4 kids, a house, work (or not as it happens), a dog and a bloody disability that really messes with my mobility. I have only came in from another long walk and finally sat down after being up at 5am to give the dog a decent morning walk. And I shall do the same every other day my dogs not at doggy day care because he is my responsibility and he needs it.

Tell your partner to pull his finger out his arse.

Also woujdn’t leave a dog for eight hours!

Brilliant! Oh you need to post on the vaping thread too!

I’d try to move the dog in and ditch your partner. He doesn’t sound very responsible or caring.

I wouldn’t get involved about the son - whether he should or should not walk the dog is between him and his Dad. But your partner needs to start solving his own problems - either he walks the dog, he asks his son to or he pays the dog walker.

The fact that you are swooping in to solve the problem (and - as an animal lover - I completely understand your concern about the dog) suggests you don’t trust him to take care of his responsibilities and are worried the dog’s wellbeing might be sacrificed. People need to think if they can afford to care for a pet before they take on the responsibility. This is not a man you can rely on. Do you not find it very off-putting?

Who cares whether the son isn’t “too impressed” if the dog moves in with you due to his neglect.

That is so sad, and really quite cruel.

The lack of empathy that kids show for their family dogs is astonishing. And the level of lazy.... 🤯

this kid is not uniquely awful, they're all like it these days.

Age 15 I was doing all my own laundry, getting my own school uniform ready for the week, keeping my own room clean, doing any decorating/painting in my room, doing my music practice my parents were paying good money on lessons for. I don't think I was particularly extraordinary, I just had a very basic head screwed on!

I would find it deeply unattractive in someone to not care properly for their pet. Poor animal. Could you adopt it?

My dog gets 3 walks most days - DH gets up early, dog walker few days a week & also an evening walk. Why can’t your DP get up early & give dog a decent walk? It must be bored silly stuck in the house 24/7.

It would put me off someone tbh if they treated their pet that way.

Agree with this. It would only be ok if it had a really long morning & evening walk.

Please can you come back and update as I think a lot of people are worrying about the dog.

Well too bad if the son doesn’t like it. Makes me wonder why people get a dog when they can’t be bothered to care for it. It’s cruel.

although the dog is fine on her own for 8 hours a day

No she is not. No dog should be alone for this long. So cruel. Why get one if you don't want to be with it?

I think if I was the dog walker I wouldn't want to be constantly messed around like this by clients thinking they can just pick up and put down my services at a whim.

No dog is ok for eight hours a day. Your DP and his DS are both irresponsible oafs who don’t deserve a dog.

No excuse for not walking the dog before and after work; he shouldn’t own a dog if he’s not going to care for it.

Also, there’s no excuse for not parenting his son properly. At 16 he should definitely be taking on more of the domestic labour and dog walking is a perfect start.

Essentially your relationship is doomed OP. You have now slipped into the “mothering/provider” role. You do tasks that your DP should be doing and you pay for them as well, making you his mother and not his partner.

He will soon (if he hasn’t already) put you in that “mothering” box, the sex and attraction he has for you will dwindle (who wants to fuck their mum?) and he will start noticing other women and probably end up fucking them.

That may sound far fetched (unless the sex has already started to dwindle?) but I’ve seen it happen so many times. Man acts like a child, therefore woman takes on adult role, man doesn’t like the feeling that he’s a child in their eyes (despite his actions being childish), so looks for new woman who sees him as a man. Don’t fall for that trap OP, he needs to sort out his own problems like any other grown up.

I walk my dog at 6am before work - why can’t he do this?

I also have 2 cats and even though she has herding tendencies they rub along together (cats are mainly in charge 😆) so I’d totally be on the kidnap solution!

Woah there - this is not @sophh7's fault!

Take the dog, ditch the guy