Page 4 | Does this sound like he cheated (yes I snooped)

Pessismistic · 19/08/2025 19:11

Hey op when you rang him do you think he was with her that’s why he was so rude to you. If it’s a wedding anniversary and you’re not getting on but he deliberately takes the day off and doesn’t spend it with you does he even want your marriage to work. If it was me I would have expected him to be around that f your trying to work things out.

SleeplessInWherever · 19/08/2025 19:20

So far we know that his colleagues went with him to an event that was using work issued tickets, and one of them happened to be female. Because sometimes men work with women.

They ate, which isn’t offensive, and she sent “xxx” in a message, which might just be a thing she does.

There’s absolutely no evidence that he wants to put his penis in anyone, like some of the comments here are suggesting/assuming/outright confirming.

None of that excuses saying his boss was going etc, but firstly - plans change, and secondly lying doesn’t actually mean cheating. It’s certainly not proven evidence of it.

Cannongoose · 19/08/2025 19:41

If it weren’t for the fact he took today off work I’d think it unlikely he cheated - she’s already a running partner etc so if she wasn’t at his side all night (which obviously she wasn’t given the texts) they needed to meet to get the tickets and then if afterwards they still had to text their locations to meet at a bar, they weren’t coupled up all night.

I hope I don’t sound like a right cow here but actually I’d be wondering about the other (4th ticket) woman and whether she was interesting enough to do something with.

Im saying that because running woman has been around for a while and you’d probably have picked up on something if she’s close enough to puppy-sit..

My guess would be something unplanned happened with 4th ticket holder woman and shame has made him disappear off (and possibly following up on a possibility/going for more).

OP I don’t have practical advice as such but if you can have a good think about what’s been going wrong in your relationship and see if there’s a way you can resolve a split fairly and decently- before you decide on the basis of possible infidelity to divorce and leave yourself in a bitter legal situation. I’m not saying that you should stay or work it out because it’s evident that to do so would be against your feelings and be letting your fears rule your heart (I know exactly what that feels like as I have to live like this snd it’s no fun).

I really wish you well

SnozPoz · 19/08/2025 19:42

You have a two month old? Are you getting any sleep? I'm presuming not having much if any sex and your hormones are raging. I'd say now is not the time to be thinking about whether or not he's cheating... it sounds like he had a night out to get away from whatever's going on between you two - it doesn't mean he's cheated (doesn't mean he hasn't either) but I do think the two of you might need help with working out the new dynamics of your relationship now you have a baby.

HardyCrow · 19/08/2025 20:59

JLou08 · 18/08/2025 13:40

You shut down an invite to an event that could have been an opportunity to reconnect. It sounds like it was already over anyway and you were just delaying getting on with process of separating.

Don’t be ridiculous - did he offer a babysitter? Of course he didn’t and off course he knew op would decline.

PotatoLove · 19/08/2025 21:51

If he hasn't cheated yet, sounds like he will do. Sorry OP.

Iwillcomeouttheotherend · 19/08/2025 22:10

MemorableTrenchcoat · 18/08/2025 12:54

How long have things been bad in the marriage?

Show quote history

Id bet anything that things got bad or
WORSE once he started seeing the OW

Anyahyacinth · 19/08/2025 23:26

lotsofpatience · 18/08/2025 13:05

Snooping into someone's phone is abhorrent behaviour. You should be ashamed of yourself.
I don't condone your husband either. He is evidently up to no good.
You better address this in more honorable ways.

Totally disagree, they are supposed to be a partnership. What is there to hide?

DarklingIlisten · 20/08/2025 00:44

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ due to privacy concerns.

Seabreeze18 · 20/08/2025 06:45

I hope he is out getting anniversary gifts/sorting a surprise? but doesn’t sound like it! I’m sorry op u are in a bad situation and at a very vulnerable time. Try work on your marriage

SarahCares · 20/08/2025 10:04

It sounds like you were both already unhappy in the relationship & unsure about your future. Why? Had the distance between you arisen very recently since baby was born? Or do the problems go way back? If he has been secretive were there signs of this before? If he has broken your trust do you feel relieved that you now have a get out clause that is not your fault? Do you feel satisfied that the relationship is over? Or do you feel like the relationship is worth fighting for? I am not justifying what he has done, but as someone who had always thought there would be no going back after infidelity, I have witnessed another side to it… I know someone who was in a similar situation with a baby & older child… what he did was ‘unforgivable’ but she forgave him…at first I thought she was weak but now I realise she was strong…he did wrong but she realised her part in it…he wanted to feel loved & appreciated & respected - they worked on their relationship - she stopped criticising him & started appreciating him - it wasn’t easy at first but they made the effort, stayed together & their relationship went from strength to strength. They got married & everyone thought it wouldn’t last, but it did & their son grew to adulthood in a happy home. I also know someone who was in a 20 year relationship with someone who wasn’t right for them. Talk things through with trusted friends who really know you but ultimately what other people think is irrelevant. It’s up to the two of you. Only you know what’s in your heart. Only he knows what’s in his heart. For it to work you both need to be completely honest with each other. Listen without blowing up at each other. Take some time to consider whether separating is the best way forward - or whether you might be able to create a better relationship than you had before.

Hmm1234 · 20/08/2025 10:07

imsolosthere · 18/08/2025 12:00

Husband and I have not been on the best terms, barely talking but keeping it calm and civil for the kids while we figure out where we go.

anyway he was offered two tickets to a concert at the weekend and asked if I wanted to go, I said i would but think the athmosphere between us would ruin it for us both so maybe he should ask a friend.

it then came out that the tickets would include a dinner with his boss and others high up so he said he knew I wouldn’t want to do that so he brought his male friend, all fine.

he txt a picture of him and his friend and asked me to leave a key out. He arrived home at 3am, been a long time since he stayed out so late but wasn’t drunk at all. Next day I just asked where he went after the concert and he just ignored it.

I did get a chance to have a Quick Look in his phone and turns out there was 4 tickets and another girl he’s friendly with from work went with her friend. They are txting where to go for dinner before, so no dinner with boss! And then there is calls between them after and directions to a bar, he then txt her to say he’s home and she txt back, chat soon xxx

he has also taken today off work! I feel I need more time with his phone 🫣

Oh dear sounds like the oasis scandal happening again.

Original poster

imsolosthere · 20/08/2025 10:16

We have 5 children, problems have been there for 7 years on and off but we worked this out but in the last 6 months things have come to breaking point in the last two weeks.

he came home and said he is feeling depressed and has a gp and counselling appointment this week

OP posts:

Freysimo · 20/08/2025 10:35

Sorry to say that his saying he's depressed is part of the cheating scenario.

SleeplessInWherever · 20/08/2025 11:02

Freysimo · 20/08/2025 10:35

Sorry to say that his saying he's depressed is part of the cheating scenario.

Relationships falling apart are reasonably difficult for both people in them.

DarklingIlisten · 20/08/2025 11:08

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tempname1234 · 20/08/2025 11:09

You know, inviting you out could be viewed as an olive branch. Was your argument one you want to be a hill you die on? This could have been an opportunity to go out and have some fun together to put you both in a better mood to talk things out.

if you’re refusing to go out with him then right there things are looking irreparable. Now you’re looking in his phone. You know they they were not alone but with others - his friend, her friend, boss etc. a group outing. So why are you making more about this? Just call a spade a spade now, get divorced. Don’t drag things out and create more drama or hard feelings.

Coffeetime25 · 20/08/2025 11:10

this what happens when you snoop u put two and two together and cross your fingers it adds to four lol
you said you didn't wanna go and then you checked his phone if you where that worried you should have went and then you could have kept an eye on him in real time

Coffeetime25 · 20/08/2025 11:12

Freysimo · 20/08/2025 10:35

Sorry to say that his saying he's depressed is part of the cheating scenario.

forgot this was mn where going for a pint of milk equals cheating lol so obv depression is massive red flag haha

DorothyStorm · 20/08/2025 11:18

tempname1234 · 20/08/2025 11:09

You know, inviting you out could be viewed as an olive branch. Was your argument one you want to be a hill you die on? This could have been an opportunity to go out and have some fun together to put you both in a better mood to talk things out.

if you’re refusing to go out with him then right there things are looking irreparable. Now you’re looking in his phone. You know they they were not alone but with others - his friend, her friend, boss etc. a group outing. So why are you making more about this? Just call a spade a spade now, get divorced. Don’t drag things out and create more drama or hard feelings.

They have five children and didnt have a babysitter for this ‘last minute’ plan. It sounds more like he asked op knowing she couldnt go.

DarklingIlisten · 20/08/2025 11:23

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ due to privacy concerns.

Thebigonesgetaway · 20/08/2025 11:27

I’m not sure he’s physically cheating to be honest, I can see it is usually the go to on here and usually with good reason, but I think he’s also checked out the marriage it’s over, and he invited someone he is friends with and has fun with instead,. I think this isn’t about did he or did he not, it is about the fact this marriage is over.

as to selling the house, it depends on how much equity and his earnings, he will have to be able to house himself post split, 5 kids complicates things hugely, especially with them being so young, so unless he’s a very high earner indeed, then either you’re both stuck co habiting or your lifestyles are about to take a very big hit. You of course will need to claim benefits, when split.

wobblywibbly · 20/08/2025 11:30

@DarklingIlisteni totally agree

Pinkbasketcase · 20/08/2025 12:33

You both need to grow up and be adults! Get a family member or childminder to take the kids for the day. Lay all your concerns/worries/or whatever is going out on the table and actually talk about it. You both a harbouring feelings of some sort and whether you like or not, your children are being affected by it!

Children are not stupid and the toxic environment is not healthy for the kids. What do you think your children see when they look at both of you on a daily basis. Is it lovely couple who can communicate their feelings, thoughts and annoyance, in order to problem solve?

Could he be developing an emotional connection with this other women, I would say he is.

PigletSanders · 20/08/2025 14:31

imsolosthere · 20/08/2025 10:16

We have 5 children, problems have been there for 7 years on and off but we worked this out but in the last 6 months things have come to breaking point in the last two weeks.

he came home and said he is feeling depressed and has a gp and counselling appointment this week

He’s cheating.

This depression is bullshit that he’s using to lay the groundwork for him telling you he’s sooooooo unhappy, it’s all your fault, and he needs to leave for his mental healthy, yady yady yada.

When he’s trying to free himself of family responsibilities, make it your fault so he feels great, before he fucks off into the sunset with his ‘running partner’.