Does this sound like he cheated (yes I snooped)

[imsolosthere]

Husband and I have not been on the best terms, barely talking but keeping it calm and civil for the kids while we figure out where we go.

anyway he was offered two tickets to a concert at the weekend and asked if I wanted to go, I said i would but think the athmosphere between us would ruin it for us both so maybe he should ask a friend.

it then came out that the tickets would include a dinner with his boss and others high up so he said he knew I wouldn’t want to do that so he brought his male friend, all fine.

he txt a picture of him and his friend and asked me to leave a key out. He arrived home at 3am, been a long time since he stayed out so late but wasn’t drunk at all. Next day I just asked where he went after the concert and he just ignored it.

I did get a chance to have a Quick Look in his phone and turns out there was 4 tickets and another girl he’s friendly with from work went with her friend. They are txting where to go for dinner before, so no dinner with boss! And then there is calls between them after and directions to a bar, he then txt her to say he’s home and she txt back, chat soon xxx

he has also taken today off work! I feel I need more time with his phone 🫣

Sounds like you should be more choosy about the men you’re entering relationships with.

Do not ask him - he won’t tell you the truth, but he will more guarded in the future.
Keep snooping until you get proof - and I’m fairly certain you will.
Or you can save yourself the trouble and start your exit plans.
good luck.

Snooping into someone's phone is abhorrent behaviour. You should be ashamed of yourself.
I don't condone your husband either. He is evidently up to no good.
You better address this in more honorable ways.

I'm going to guess he knew if he presented it to you like this you wouldn't want to go. He planned this exactly so you wouldn't suspect a thing. Shame for him you saw his messages!

We havnt been great on and off for a few years but always seemed to work it out. Things were great for 2 years which I when we decided to have our last baby.

I don’t normally snoop but had a gut feeling and he left his phone.

I have rang him now to ask a question and he’s out somewhere in the sunshine but being very vague.

Why would I be disappointed?

Trust your gut. Can't respect a man off out in the sunshine somewhere unknown, and going to concerts with other woman leaving you home alone with the kids (I take it you have more than 1 from the context) and your 2 month old. I think at the least he's entertaining and testing the waters with other women. I would start gathering any evidence, and planning my exit.

You shut down an invite to an event that could have been an opportunity to reconnect. It sounds like it was already over anyway and you were just delaying getting on with process of separating.

How many tickets were there 4 or 6 ?
Did you assume his colleagues would be “all men”?
Was the boss also there, just not on the 4 tickets you saw.

The chats don’t look like much, just regular planning.

Just because there were only 4 tickets doesn’t mean only 4 people went to the dinner. Perhaps they had dinner with the boss/other men and then the 4 went on to the concert.

He invited you so don’t think it was a planned lie or cheating episode or why would he risk you saying yes?

He told me he was offered two tickets and said I know we arnt good but do you want to go he then said it would be dinner with his boss and 6 other men and he knows I wouldn’t want to do that which I wouldn’t.

in the texts he tells her there is 4 tickets, she collected them and him and his friend and he and her friend met up for dinner before the concert.

he didn’t get home until 3 am as I was up feeding the baby and he wasn’t even slightly drunk which is very unusual for him if he’s been out until 3am.

this woman is his running partner in work and I find it odd that he has taken today off. We speak just mostly about the kids our house. He was very quiet yesterday and has now taken himself off today. No mention of our anniversary not that I really expected it and he’s just snapped at me over the phone for me asking a question saying he really doesn’t need this today

You have a 2 month old and he is behaving like this?? What a waste of space.
Unless you have done something awful or treated him really badly then he should be at home helping . If he has a day off.
Not telling you he cant handle having a conversation with you today.
And it does sound very suspicious about last night.

If he’s taken today off and it’s your wedding anniversary where’s he gone?

Has he explained why he’s chosen not to spend the day with you?

Oh bugger off 🙄

You and me have very different meanings of the word abhorrent.

If she is his running partner and they appear to have a friendship outside of work, I suspect he has a crush on her and might already be involved in some kind of emotional affair. It doesn't necessarily mean he is sleeping with her, but he is clearly feeling unsettled and/or guilty about something, as why else would he lash out at you on your anniversary and be avoiding work? I think the main issue here is that he has lied about the goings on of the evening, and as your marriage is already under significant strain, this is a ticking time bomb if she is interested in him too. Were there more messages between them that you didn't have a chance to read?

Whether he has cheated is by the by . The point is he is out with another woman at 3 am enjoying himself and texting her with kisses at the end whilst you are at home with his baby. And then lied to you about it all. And is now out enjoying himself in the sun.
You feel this way because his behaviour is completely unacceptable - to you and by any rational person’s standards.
i would ask him calmly and rationally about his night - how many people there were , names etc - if he lies about it then you have your answer as to what sort of person you are dealing with.
people bashing you for snooping are focusing on the wrong issue. Yes it’s not great - but when dealing with a liar you have to get to the truth somehow .

Non of us can answer if he cheated. You need to decide if you want to be in the marriage -if you do it's time for some difficult conversations, starting with one about why he has taken the day off on your wedding anniversary but isn't spending the day with you.

It’s shitty enough that he was out so late last night and he lied to you but to bugger off today when he has a day off - and it’s your wedding anniversary, is really really shitty! He’s being a bastard.

If he hasn’t cheated yet, it’s heading that way. No other excuse for all the lying. He deliberately made the evening sound unattractive to you so you would turn it down and he could better cover his tracks. You have two choices, watch and wait or confront him now. Really depends on whether you’re ready to leave or not - if you tell him he has one chance to tell you the truth about who he was out with last night, you have to know what you’re prepared to do about it if he continues to lie. Some would advise keeping your cards close, so he doesn’t just get sneakier. I don’t think I’d be able to sit on this though.

@imsolosthere

So he's deliberately lied to you, forgotten your wedding anniversary, fucked off out by himself, leaving you with a tiny baby & then had the audacity to be arsey with you??

Fuck that. Time for crisis talks & exit plans.

It doesn’t seem so easy to just walk away. I think I am mentally and romantically checked out but we have 5 kids 11 down to 2 months, we bought a bigger house just two years ago, pouring all our money into it the last few months with renovations, I’m a sahm with no income and I know for a fact he won’t leave the house which I won’t want to either.

The messages above are just about running and pictures of their running stats.

she even minded our puppy while we went on holiday earlier in the year