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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breach of Alcohol Undertaking Family Court

111 replies

Minions2000 · 18/08/2025 09:30

My partner took me to court for alcohol, social and court were involved and I was a week off of obtaining a residency order and my behaviour was detrimental.
The children are now with their dad and we have not heard from social however they have been informed.
I slipped up with the drink to a point where he needed to step in, I had also been issued an alcohol undertaking
We are both as parents working together, to get the help and cause minimal disturbance to the kids.
What will happen?

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 18/08/2025 09:35

Most likely he’ll get full residency and you’ll get supervised access.

Original poster
Minions2000 · 18/08/2025 09:41

Will the family courts not work with us to bring them back home considering that is what the children want?

He knows I'm a good mum I just need the right help

OP posts:
Hayley1256 · 18/08/2025 09:43

Swiftie1878 · 18/08/2025 09:35

Most likely he’ll get full residency and you’ll get supervised access.

Agree that this is a likely outcome

Maray1967 · 18/08/2025 09:44

It is not just what the children want, it is what is safe for them. It sounds as though you have a problem with alcohol and have been told clearly what you must do but you have started drinking again. The DC need to be kept safe.

Swiftie1878 · 18/08/2025 09:45

Minions2000 · 18/08/2025 09:41

Will the family courts not work with us to bring them back home considering that is what the children want?

He knows I'm a good mum I just need the right help

This isn’t about you. It’s about safeguarding the children.
You should want the same for them, and acknowledge that your problems with alcohol mean you can’t be in charge of keeping them safe, even on a short visit.

Jellycatspyjamas · 18/08/2025 09:47

Minions2000 · 18/08/2025 09:41

Will the family courts not work with us to bring them back home considering that is what the children want?

He knows I'm a good mum I just need the right help

That’s the role of social work, the family court is there to make decisions about the safe care of your children. There comes a point when the children just can’t wait for you to be in a better place, whether you’re at that point is for social work to assess and court to decide.

CalicoPusscat · 18/08/2025 09:51

But your partner has concerns about alcohol impacting on your parenting.

Have social services referred you to support?

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 18/08/2025 09:52

What does "the right help" look like to you? What is stopping you from getting that help?

pointythings · 18/08/2025 09:59

If you are drinking to the point of being unsafe, then the children shouldn't be with you unsupervised. What are you doing to promote your recovery?

Original poster
Minions2000 · 18/08/2025 10:09

I abstained throughout court and then lapsed to a point my children were not safe.
I am currently on my way to the doctors and will be asking for every bit of support.
My children are my life but I really did mess up.
I have tried to contact the social worker on duty as its in court today for my residency order

OP posts:
Original poster
Minions2000 · 18/08/2025 10:09

I thought I was ok, then the one drink I was meant to have turned to more.

OP posts:
YouMightThinkThat · 18/08/2025 10:11

Well see OP - that one drink is the one you can't have. I'm sure you know that so it's just getting yourself to the point of acceptance of that.

BengalBangle · 18/08/2025 10:13

Minions2000 · 18/08/2025 09:41

Will the family courts not work with us to bring them back home considering that is what the children want?

He knows I'm a good mum I just need the right help

Being a 'good Mum' isn't drinking to the extent that your children are unsafe.
I'm not judging you, as I'm a recovering addict and alcoholic, but better that the children stay with the father and you have the peace, space and time to work on your recovery.

Original poster
Minions2000 · 18/08/2025 10:14

It is, I just need to know what's next.

It's breaking my heart they want to come home and I had all of that for the and messed it up

OP posts:
Parksinyork · 18/08/2025 10:14

Have you sought any help so far for your alcoholism? After you have been sober for a sustained period eg at least a year, then you can review the situation. But for now you need to accpet the courts and your partner need to put your kids first. You need to put your kids first by working on your alcohol issues. AA have meeting every day including online.

sunshine244 · 18/08/2025 10:15

Why are you in family court if you and the dad agree on the best plan for the children? Did he take you to court or social services?

Original poster
Minions2000 · 18/08/2025 10:15

@BengalBangle do you have your children back now if you have any?

Will the court work with me if I get the help

OP posts:
Original poster
Minions2000 · 18/08/2025 10:16

@sunshine244 yes he took me to court because he has seen the worst when I have a drink so even one to him is completely unacceptable, this is the thing this behaviour isn't consistent of me.

I am more worried than I have ever been and this is on me.

Me and their dad are still speaking of reconciling and have been throughout

OP posts:
Supersimkin7 · 18/08/2025 10:18

You’re not able to be a mum at the moment, and you haven’t been for some time.

Better for the kids to stay away from
you - they’ll still love you - while you choose whether to be a mum or an alcoholic who had her kids taken away.

Only you can choose, and it’s very, very hard. Worth every second of the pain.

Original poster
Minions2000 · 18/08/2025 10:19

I never thought life would end up this way, I have stayed with them every night since but I have to wait to see what court say now and social services.

The children don't understand and I am not sure what to say to them or do to minimise the impact I have caused

OP posts:
PinkyFlamingo · 18/08/2025 10:23

How can you admit your children are unsafe with you and then expect to get them back?

sunshine244 · 18/08/2025 10:24

If he took you to court (for residency?) due to your drinking then it shows he has serious concerns. If he suddenly backs down and says the kids are ok with you this will raise concerns about his own judgement. Realistically the children living with him until you have properly recovered is the best option. Otherwise they might end up in temporary care

Supersimkin7 · 18/08/2025 10:24

They understand a lot more than you think
they do. Be truthful and make it about them, not you.

Don’t promise to change overnight - whatever you do, don’t give them false hope. Do remind them
they’re well looked after with partner and that you love them.

Thedoorisalwaysopen · 18/08/2025 10:25

Minions2000 · 18/08/2025 10:09

I abstained throughout court and then lapsed to a point my children were not safe.
I am currently on my way to the doctors and will be asking for every bit of support.
My children are my life but I really did mess up.
I have tried to contact the social worker on duty as its in court today for my residency order

Clearly they aren't 'your life' if you are unwilling to go without a drink if that means you won't see them.
Their safety is more important than what you want. With any luck he will get full custody and you supervised access to be reviewed if you can prove you can remain sober.

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 18/08/2025 10:26

Having been in your ex's shoes, I'd imagine his view of you drinking just one drink is heavily informed by past history where you've planned to have just one and then ended up having many more.

You might have lost the current battle but you haven't lost the war. You can turn this around but it will take a fierce dedication to sobriety from you to achieve that. Every time you think you can just have one you need to play the tape forward and see where it will lead you. My ex lost multiple relationships, friendships, jobs, custody of our children, her driving license, her health and ultimately her life because of her drinking. It doesn't have to be that way but the only person who can change your destiny is you. If you want to be the drunk mum who doesn't get to see her kids then that is a real possibility. Or you can be the 100% sober mum who does. It's in your hands.