To think we should cancel our holiday

[LoftyLilacDeer]

There’s a lot to get into here, and I am going to try and keep it brief but clear.

Hubby is appalling with money. Spends a lot and also makes really silly mistakes (once booked a non-refundable £2000 hotel for the wrong dates and only realised a month after the check-in date, often doesn’t pay the credit card bill but then thinks he has loads of money for that month and spends it)

We’ve argued a lot about money over the years, mainly due to his dippiness with it. I wouldn’t mind if he was just profligate and spent a lot, but it’s the endless mistakes that bother me as it’s waste. Two years ago we came into £180,000 from a relative.

We spent £30,000 on “nice” things - bought some nice furniture, couple of nice holidays, and kept £150,000 back for the future. I’ve been nagging him to book a financial advisor and he’s never got round to it.

We keep our day-to-day finances separate, in part because I don’t trust him around money, and recently we booked a biggish trip to America. It was very last minute because he didn’t notice we had an airmiles voucher that was expiring (see aforementioned dizziness). We’re now trying to plan it and I’m starting to realise how expensive the trip is.

We can currently cancel and will lose nothing but the voucher. I think, given that we’re supposed to be saving for a house and we’ve already had two VERY nice/expensive holidays with that money, we should be sensible and knuckle down. He thinks “well we’ve got the money so why not”

But I just think that with that attitude, we’ll fritter it all away. The pot is already a lot lower than I was expecting as he’s spent some more of it this year, and he’s not managed to save any money from his actual job.

We had a huge row this evening because I’m sick and tired of checking our bank accounts and finding less than I’m expecting. His stance is basically “we have £150k so what’s the big deal” and mine is “that is not the attitude we want to have if we want to keep or grow it”.

i just don’t think technically being able to afford something means you should do it - not when you have other financial goals. AIBU?

Can you change the dates of the airmiles voucher so it's a shorter, less expensive holiday?

You need to take control of his finances too and tying most of the money up for a year is worthwhile.

Does he have a LISA?

I think this is only the case if it’s in an account in a sole name, if it’s a joint account the amount increases.

You are very very very unreasonable to not have bought a house with that money.
Cancel the holiday and start house shopping this week as a priority.

It seems as if your "hubby" is more of a petulant child than a grown up man.

I don't really understand your financial situation at all. You have this money that may or may not be joint, it's been sitting there for ages now instead of doing anything or buying the house you say you want. It's a massive amount for a down payment so you could have bought a house any time with it, but instead it's just sitting there and your husband is spending it on whatever he fancies that week.

You need to tie up that money (if it's actually yours) or buy a house asap. If you've actually been renting for years while that money sits there doing nothing then you're both as bad as each other.

The holiday is kind of beside the point. I can't imagine it's a 30K trip so you can obviously afford it, but you have wildly different expectations around money and a very confusing attitude towards buying a house so maybe work on the bigger issues first.

It depends WHAT you want to buy. What can you afford?

Exactly. Not everyone is ever going to afford a 4 bed in London. Or even want one!

@LoftyLilacDeer

So take control yourself - organise a Financial Advisor & get the £150k put into an account where it needs both of you to make any withdrawals.

Then, make a budget/plan for everyday finances & decide if/how you'll use the savings.

It sounds as though your husband is a complete child with money & frustrating though it is, you'll have to be the one to take charge & manage your family's finances or forever be facing disappointment & debt!!

It would drive me utterly insane & give me such rage.

If you are both under 40, you can both open a LISA & the Government will add free money, which you can use to buy a property

Each adult can put up to a maximum of 20k into an ISA which is tax free per year
Example
Cash ISA paying 4%
£800 interest on 20k tax free

Each person can put up to a maximum of 50k into Premium Bonds & all prizes are tax free

https://www.gov.uk/lifetime-isa

What is stopping you from buying a house? Then the money won't be there.

Although TBH I couldn't live with a man like this.

Possibly already been said, but I have the time to
read all of the responses.

you need to change the joint savings accounts to requiring multiple signatories- then you an only take it out with both parties’ consent. Solves that problem

… and creates another problem if one of you loses capacity and you don’t have Powers of Attorney. So get those too. But yes, correct about the protection joint signatures gives if one is a loose cannon.

OP hasn't been back so probably means the inheritance is the DHs

Two seperate issues here. The fact your Hs carelessness wastes money; and what is acceptable to spend the £150k on. The first needs to be addressed. You need to come up with a plan as a couple so there are reminders for important things, and spending is checked so there aren't these repeated errors. The second depends on whose relative it was, as while its great if you can agree on use of that money, ultimately the person it was left to has the casting vote. If its his and he wants to spend it on the holiday, then that's up to him. If it's yours, you have every right to cancel.

You spent £30,000 on "nice things" when you don't even own a house. I think you both have a problem.

yes, same question. If it's yours I'd pull it out of the joint account so only you can access it, if he keeps dipping into it for random shit you haven't agreed, it's essentially stealing from you. But given the time that has elapsed since several people asked you I'm going to assume it's his. In which case you can't really curtail what he does with it. I'd push ahead with spending it on something that you do have influence over - i.e. the house. If he's that dippy doesn't sound like he'll ringfence the difference between who put what in, as long as you jointly own it then you're both benefitting.

Rather than lose the voucher can you not swap it to somewhere cheaper?

Even if you can't, I don't understand why, if the only thing you've booked is the flights, that means the rest of the holiday HAS to be expensive?

Say you were planning on going to disneyworld, just go somewhere else in florida that's cheaper, enjoy the weather and somewhere with a nice pool, possibly go to one park rather than doing every studio and staying in a disney hotel.