To think we should cancel our holiday

[LoftyLilacDeer]

There’s a lot to get into here, and I am going to try and keep it brief but clear.

Hubby is appalling with money. Spends a lot and also makes really silly mistakes (once booked a non-refundable £2000 hotel for the wrong dates and only realised a month after the check-in date, often doesn’t pay the credit card bill but then thinks he has loads of money for that month and spends it)

We’ve argued a lot about money over the years, mainly due to his dippiness with it. I wouldn’t mind if he was just profligate and spent a lot, but it’s the endless mistakes that bother me as it’s waste. Two years ago we came into £180,000 from a relative.

We spent £30,000 on “nice” things - bought some nice furniture, couple of nice holidays, and kept £150,000 back for the future. I’ve been nagging him to book a financial advisor and he’s never got round to it.

We keep our day-to-day finances separate, in part because I don’t trust him around money, and recently we booked a biggish trip to America. It was very last minute because he didn’t notice we had an airmiles voucher that was expiring (see aforementioned dizziness). We’re now trying to plan it and I’m starting to realise how expensive the trip is.

We can currently cancel and will lose nothing but the voucher. I think, given that we’re supposed to be saving for a house and we’ve already had two VERY nice/expensive holidays with that money, we should be sensible and knuckle down. He thinks “well we’ve got the money so why not”

But I just think that with that attitude, we’ll fritter it all away. The pot is already a lot lower than I was expecting as he’s spent some more of it this year, and he’s not managed to save any money from his actual job.

We had a huge row this evening because I’m sick and tired of checking our bank accounts and finding less than I’m expecting. His stance is basically “we have £150k so what’s the big deal” and mine is “that is not the attitude we want to have if we want to keep or grow it”.

i just don’t think technically being able to afford something means you should do it - not when you have other financial goals. AIBU?

@Sesma - legally, as they are married, the inheritance is a marital asset.

My DH inherited money and we treated it as 'our' money, funnily enough, we spent it on our house. I will do the same if I inherit money, it will go towards what the family need.

Is this your inheritance or his?
When are you planning to buy a house? Presumably using the 150k as a deposit? If that realistic where you live?
If he's not paying a credit card on time will he actually be able to get a mortgage?
Do you actually want to tie yourself to a mortgage with someone who doesn't pay their bills?

The holiday is the least of your worries.

Get the money invested in harder to access locations. Stocks and shares whilst sellable aren’t as easily accessible instantly as cash. At 5% this would have grown that money by £7.5k and 8% dividends would have brought in £12k. If you’re not confident, seek some advice and don’t wait on your husband booking it because he clearly isn’t going to

Either that or use it to buy a house. £150k will be over 50% in most parts of the country. You'll save in rent.

If you have a substantial airmiles voucher I would still use it but agree a strict budget for the rest of the trip and stick to it. I would then put the rest of the cash somewhere where it cannot be accessed easily (e.g. a notice account ideally requiring both parties signiture on withdrawals). If you are looking to use it on a house purchase using a financial advisor doesn't make much sense as they will typically advise on longer term investments.

Who’s family did you inherit from
I know it was from my DH’s I would give him the main say in how to handle it

Under UK law inheritance isn't a matrimonial asset...

I think neither of you are being unreasonable, you just have different priorities and are not financially compatible. I'd seek relationship counselling to try to find a happy medium, or accept it isn't going to work.

Agree with this 👌

This is what i would do:

Move whatever is left of the £150k into two 1 yr fixed term accounts with two different banks so that there is no more than £85k in each or if the inheritance was to you, two accounts in your name only. Use the time for the rest of my post below, before you sink all the money into a deposit.

Ask DH to do couples counselling with you and find a counsellor who specialises in money / finances.

Set a strict budget for the US holiday. If you have a lot of airmiles, then I wouldn't want to lose them, but id take control of the planning and spending money.

Rearrange your finances so that your DH cant fritter away what isnt his. DH and I have one joint account for bills and household spending then a sole account each for "fun spends".

Book the financial advisor yourself - don't wait for him to do it. Just tell DH where and when he needs to be.

Find an individual therapist to help you work through whether you want to remain with your DH. I wouldn't be able to be with someone with such a different attitude to money to me, but all of us prioritise different things and working through it on your own with someone might help.

Once you've decided what you want the future to look like, when the fixed term accounts expire, start looking for the house

I don't understand why the money hasn't been used to buy a house. £150k is a large deposit. It does seem ridiculous to stay in rented accommodation with that amount of money in the bank.

I'm assuming that the inheritance came from your DH's side of the family, otherwise you could insist on using it for a deposit which would benefit the family and also make financial sense.

This sounds like my husband. Long story short we nearly got divorced and then after our son was diagnosed with ADHD DH was diagnosed too and it all of a suddenly made sense. We completely combined finances now with agreed “fun money” for each of us to spend on things we want with no input from the other required and we have a monthly meeting about money but ultimately I have had to take responsibility for all the admin. Setting up DDs, investing, pensions etc We are now a good team as playing to our strengths and I’m happy with our financial future and so is he. We don’t fight about money anymore which is a massive positive

@Azandme yep you're right. I got it wrong.

Inheritance can be divvied up in a divorce depending on the circumstances but not automatically a marital asset.

If he hasn’t managed to save anything from his job this year, does that mean that you’re the only person doing any savings?

This would piss me right off.

Why on earth did you marry him???

What figure did you agree on with regards to the house deposit? You need to act now and move what’s left of the £150k to an account that he can’t access if you really want to buy a house.

You’re clearly young so probably haven’t thought much about the costs of raising kids or saving for a pension but you don’t want to get to retirement age with very few savings and a partner that’s a spendthrift. He needs to learn to start saving, any fool can spend money.

With his awful attitude towards frittering money away and dipping into savings, you’re either going to have to take full control of the money and give him an allowance or get divorced because this won’t work longer term if you ignore the problem hoping he’ll suddenly change his personality!

Who's inheritance is it? sounds like its actually his so its up to him what he spends it on.
You also agreed to booking the trip.

Inheritance is not a marital asset so there is no 'WE' come into money.

I agree with a PP - if you don't do something, that 150k is going to disappear anyway, frittered away on frivolous, unnecessary expenditure, so you may as well get a holiday out of it.

Here's what I think you should do: make a deal with your husband that you will go on the holiday IF he agrees to put the remainder of the 150K in a high-interest ISA that neither of you can access for a certain amount of time, say 12 months.

Then, YOU do the research on the best account (comparison websites can help with that), YOU do the legwork to set up the account, drag him to the branch if necessary, or stand over his shoulder, make sure he transfers it.

OR just buy a house straight away??!! Where I live, £150K would buy you 75% of a three bed house, but even if you're in London it would go a long way towards a house so you'd have a relatively small mortgage. I have no idea why buying a house doesn't seem to be an immediate possibility for you with £150K in the bank but that would seem to be the obvious thing to do...

But either way, make it a deal: if he wants the holiday, it's on condition of doing something sensible with the money.

This is all a bit confusing.
'Suppose to be saving for a house' gets gifted 180k....goes spend part of 30k on nice furniture for a (presumed) rental'😑

Lots of good advice on here op. I'll add my ten pence worth:

1. Get a financial advisor. Do it yourself, why are you asking DH to do it? Doesn't matter if the inheritance is his rather than yours, you can still discuss options.
2. Do a family budget (your fa will help with this if you don't know how to). Understand all your monthly income and outgoings.
3. Create a joint bank account for managing day to day family finances. Based on the budget you have just done, agree with DH the amount you will each contribute to this account from your income and set up standing orders
4. YOU manage all the household bills (including his credit card).
5. Set up another joint account (interest bearing) for short term savings. Again based on your budget agree with DH how much you will each contribute every month. This account is for large, infrequent purchases - big holidays, new car, major redecorating/repairs etc.
6. You can still have your own personal accounts with your own personal money in it if you want to.

Lastly, I agree with pps, surely £150k is enough for a deposit on a house? Get on and do it before you fritter it all away.

NB: all the above assumes you are talking to your DH and he is in agreement. If he isn't then you have a different problem.

If you have separate finances and the money was inheritance from a relative then (unless you’re related) presumably the money is either his or yours? Whose money actually is it? That makes a difference regarding who decides how to spend it! Otherwise it seems like you’re picking and choosing when to keep finances separate and when to consider them shared based on whether it suits you? If you’ve agreed money is separate then I don’t see how you can be frustrated if he doesn’t spend his money the way he wants to. If you want to make joint decisions you need joint finances and to be willing to compromise.

Here's what I think you should do: make a deal with your husband that you will go on the holiday IF he agrees to put the remainder of the 150K in a high-interest ISA that neither of you can access for a certain amount of time, say 12 months.

For clarity, you can't just put £150k into an ISA - the limit is £20k pa each. The rest would need to go into an non-ISA high interest account.

Two years ago we came into £180,000 from a relative.

I suspect this is incorrect. Only one of you inherited £180,000 and I suspect that this was your husband.

You stated that you are supposed to be 'saving for a house'. Surely. £180,000 was enough for a deposit?

Just to say you can safely save up to £1 million in NS&I (not just £85k). Added bonus for you would be if you put it in a bond in his name they automatically roll it over to another one (different interest rate depending on what is on offer at the time). You either cash it in, or after 30 days it is fixed for another 1 year. Might be worth automatic locking it away if he is so bad at managing money.

@tinyspiny hell would freeze over before I had a joint account with someone who threw money away like OP’s husband!! Imagine if he spent her entire monthly wages on a weekend away and then forgot he’d booked it till after the date.

You both seem to be clueless with money. You could have easily bought a house with a £180k deposit. Instead, you both agreed to spend some, rather than save. (Why the heck are you buying new furniture when you’re intending to move into a new house soon?) You were both involved in the decision to book a holiday in America.

You don’t need a financial advisor (who will just take more money on fees from you.) Just get it somewhere ringfenced and with decent growth. This should have been done within days of receiving it. 2 years of compound interest at the recent average stocks and shares ISA rates (which were below the last 10 years average, but still better than doing nothing) would have given you nearly £24000 return. 2 years in a Chase savings account at 4.75% would have given you around £8750 return. For doing nothing. Alternatively you could have bought a house and the mortgage payments going towards a financial asset instead of rent.

It’s not too late to do any of this. But if you have below £150k now you’ve got about £50k less than you would have if you’d not had your holidays and new furniture. WRT the holiday in the US - you have not yet spent any actual cash on it. You can accept the voucher is gone and just don’t go on the holiday. Or you can budget and go, enjoy it and accept another sum from your house deposit is gone. Both are valid choices, however both choices require you to sit down and make a plan. And you haven’t said yet whose inheritance it actually is - if it’s his, it’s his really and he can save or fritter it as he likes. But as a married couple you should have joint goals for your spending and saving. If it’s yours, why on earth are you waiting for him to see an advisor?