To seriously judge this man?

[Canyoucreateoneplease]

A colleague of mine’s BIL has had an affair, got his affair partner pregnant, and is now moving to China to be with her. He’s divorcing his wife and leaving behind his three sons, who are 17, 11 and 5.

How can anyone do this? I know affairs happen and lots of people leave their partners, but how can he leave his kids? Colleague is backing him and following her DH’s line that he’s been unhappy for years and his wife is awful, which I completely believe, but leaving behind your kids? I can’t fathom how anyone could do it.

I’ve met her. I can completely believe he wasn’t happy. But I cannot fathom him leaving his kids.

He didnt care about his family when he had an affair. He wont care now. He gets to pretend to start over again and not deal with the devastation that his kids feel prioritising his new partner and new child.

He can also play the line that the ex alienated his children.

He never really loved her but somehow managed to have three kids with her. Poor man.

🤦🏼‍♀️

You can understand, what’s so difficult about it? It’s been explained multiple times on this thread. You just don’t like that he’s done it and don’t imagine doing it yourself - fine. That’s your prerogative. That’s not the same thing as not understanding. We’re all different.

You don't have to love someone to shag them.

You may think he’s a poor man. I don’t.

What’s so difficult about leaving your three kids to move to China? I would find it impossible. And impossible to understand how anyone could.

Not sure what you’re struggling with.

That probably explains it, though? He's in love with this one.

How you end up having three kids with a person you don't care about is bizarre to me, though. He's a bastard.

You’ve met your colleague’s husband’s brother’s wife?

It’s not that uncommon for this to happen. Yes, it’s sad that he’s abandoning his kids but I’ve seen it happen quite a lot especially when living abroad or with expat friends. I silently judge a bit, and feel sorry for the kids, but at the end of the day you don’t know the ins and outs of other people’s relationships and I do think ‘not my monkeys not my circus’ is very appropriate here when it’s quite far removed from you by the sounds of it. I have colleagues and acquaintances that have done this, I’m not going to write them off when it’s not really my business. If it was a close friend or family member that’s different. No idea why some people would judge the colleague in this situation either it’s clearly nothing to do with her.

Are you not familiar with how chat sites work??

We’re all different. I’m not sure how that’s news to you. Do you often struggle to see other people’s points of view, or find it difficult to understand that people make different choices to the ones you think you’d make?

Not very open-minded of you.

I completely understand him leaving his wife. I’d say it was almost inevitable. It’s the abandoning the kids I can’t get my head around. Her moving here to be with him and raise the new baby? It’s shit but I can see how it happens.

Walking away from your 15, 12 and 5 year old not knowing when you’ll next see them? Just cannot understand how anyone could.

Exactly nor ours.

I’ve met them all many, many times.

I must live in a different world. I don’t know anyone else who’s left their kids to move abroad.

You know jackshit about this family so you are not in a position to judge. Stay out of it

No, I am very much not open minded about abandoning your children.

This.

leaving his wife, well, it happens & we've no idea what he has/hasn't trued or what she's really like.

moving out if the family home when you have kids. Sad but sometimes for the best.

moving away so you're not near by. Not ideal but sometimes jobs/col have to be considered

moving continents away, unacceptable (except for possibly a few reasons & strategies put in place). Moving to bloody Chinese for an AP & leaving your 3 children ???

though given he can do this to them. They're probably better off without him!!

What could there be to know that would justify leaving your kids to move to China?

Yep, exactly how I feel.

He has always doted on the kids too. He apparently thinks the older two will follow him to China in a few years.

Honestly, you just keep repeating yourself now. We get it, you think he’s a bastard, and I’m sure your opinion will matter to him enormously…

Why do you care so much? 🥱

TBF the kind of person that abandons their young child probably wasn't a 'good' parent that will be missed anyway.

I fully think parents relationships are ZERO reflection on parenting, it can be GOOD parenting to leave miserable or abusive relationships. Moving on and having another relationship isn't an attack on your children either. Parents are people with lives too and can have lives and still be good parents to their kids.

Being a deadbeat parent is a choice. Walking away from your kids like they never existed is just shit parenting but if they weren't a good dad to begin with the kids are probably fine (my dad was an emotionally abusive twat, I never missed him when he vanished. I was relieved actually).

As for cheating, well its just shitty behavior but I'm not going to hate a stranger (I have more things in my own life to worry about).

It is nothing to do with you.

If it bothers you then just hide the thread.

Nope, not a difficult decision in my book.

3 children 17, 11 & 5 V a pregnancy (with a woman who could probably live here if she wanted to).

That’s the thing, he was always a good dad. He doted on the kids, they were his world. He was very young when the oldest boy was born and many boys his age might not have stepped up like he did. And then one day to leave them all for another woman and baby?

He's leaving his 3 children & moving to the other side of the world (for some AP) What more story do we need?

your user name is ironic