To seriously judge this man?

[Canyoucreateoneplease]

A colleague of mine’s BIL has had an affair, got his affair partner pregnant, and is now moving to China to be with her. He’s divorcing his wife and leaving behind his three sons, who are 17, 11 and 5.

How can anyone do this? I know affairs happen and lots of people leave their partners, but how can he leave his kids? Colleague is backing him and following her DH’s line that he’s been unhappy for years and his wife is awful, which I completely believe, but leaving behind your kids? I can’t fathom how anyone could do it.

Your friend is a trash dad and you are very gullible.

Oh come on you can’t be that naive. Lying about being on contraception? Pins in condoms? It’s not that difficult is it?

Not saying that that this is what she’s done, but it shouldn’t automatically be assumed that women aren’t always the innocent victims in these situations. It’s pretty difficult to get pregnant ‘by accident’ these days.

Who is my friend? I didn’t mention one.

Not gullible, just realistic. You can’t endlessly mistreat someone and expect them to keep on taking it.

On what level is abandoning your children reasonable? What further details change that?

Pretty easy to judge him for leaving his dc

Seriously?
why claiming she’s infertile
by claiming she’s had her tubes tied
by claiming she is on birth control

are you serious that you can not imagine any method by which a woman could intentionally get pregnant?

dem poor womenz. They can’t possibly do something like that

not being misogynist doesn’t mean taking a position that women are always in the right.

Some women hate their ex more than they love their children, so do their utmost to drive him away.

He should not be judged, poor guy. People should picture what they would say if it was a woman, nearly pregnant, moving to China with a new man abandoning his children. And treat him the same way they would treat this hypothetical woman.

He'll be back in six months

*newly pregnant, of course

Well obviously I don't know him but I think "fuck that" is unacceptable when the "that" is his children who will grow up without their father. You only get one shot at it...coming back when they're older and probably won't want to see him is a total cop out. If she's that toxic and dangerous he should be getting the kids away from her, not swanning off to a different continent.

If a man is sure he does not want children he takes personal responsibility with condoms or snip. It really IS that simple.

And pins in condoms? Not desperately easy to be accurate without taking it out the packet. If the guy is really that concerned, again, keep them somewhere safe until needed.

Happens all the time. Men don't always seem to have the same emotional attachments to kids as women do - just look at how many don't pay child support. On some level he knew this was possible when having an affair so he has had months with this possibility becoming a choice, whereas it seems a shock to everyone else.

Shocking! What a scumbag

I also find this sort of thing flabberghasting. Not the end of the marriage, but moving away so far.

The best spin I can put on it is that he sees it as a choice between abandoning those kids or abandoning the new one. Which is certainly a difficult proposition if the new woman won't leave China.

Frankly though I think he's a fool to settle in China. I imagine a pp who says he is running away from his problems is correct.

As for the colleagues - it may be they are only supportive in a very shallow sense, because it's not a personal relationship and they don't see it as their role to be openly critical.

Completely agree

You don't know the full story

They are not strangers at all.

Leaving your wife is very different to leaving your kids.

So you fight in court for access and don’t sign over the house. You don’t go to Saudi without your kids.

I honestly do not understand how they can leave their children.

This was definitely not the case. It was a big shock to them both.

I said ‘with the children’.

She is not the children.

Apparently there’s no limit to the nastiness, abuse and cruelty a woman can inflict on a man that other women won’t seek to excuse and condone. Because women have to be endlessly coddled and indulged, even when their behaviour towards an ex is vengeful and spiteful. And they just expect a man to take it endlessly ‘because of the kids’ - maybe if the woman in that example had loved her children more than she hated him, and not gone out of her way to make his life a misery, the children would still have a father in their lives.

I would keep my nose out, not pass any comment and get on with my life