To have given the lady running this stall an honest answer

[comeandhaveteawithme]

Yesterday I was with my kids at a local event, there were several stalls there, some vendors, some charities promoting and fundraising. As we passed the cats' protection league and a lady popped up and said "hello, do you like cats?" and I answered "no".

It wasn't an aggressive "NO" it was a casual, very slightly cheery, slightly apologetic "no". Just an honest and polite and answer to her question - or so I thought and intended.

She said "Oh... OK.. well do you like dogs?" and I answered "yes" and she said, "oh that's good, so you do like animals then?" and I said, "yes, mostly". And then I had a polite glance around her stall, I said "enjoy the rest of the day" and she said "you too" and we moved on.

My DH and 12yo DS can't believe that I told a lady from the cat's protection league that I don't like cats and that it was really rude.

I don't think I was rude, but I am an honest person, and I gave her an honest answer.

So what do you think? rude or not?

Disclaimer This is not a debate about liking or not liking cats. Please do not derail the thread. I will not be discussing my reasons here. We have recently had a cat opinions thread, go there if you wish.
If you really can't handle it, replace the word cats with "chocolate". A lady from the chocolate protection league asked me if I like chocolate - You can do this!!

No, never. If anything I'm told I'm too friendly as I chat to everyone.

I'm told I sometimes say the wrong thing, although I haven't been told that for a few years as I've really worked on it, but no, I'm never told I'm blunt.

Not rude just succinct. I like cats and dogs but what I love is my time. So I talk with my feet moving…I like cats sure land keep moving. I don’t want to be approached or bothered by donation requests when I’m shopping and my body language clearly conveys this

Of course you weren't rude. She asked the question, you answered it.

Only a massive people pleaser would think you have to always give an answer that the other person is going to like.

When people knock on my door wanting me to sign up to whatever charity they're selling I never let them get further than 'hello' or similar before I tell them I don't sign up to anything at my door; it isn't rude, it saves my time and their time.

Are we all supposed to stand there listening to what they've got to say in order not to offend them. And then having listened to them should we all feel it's too rude to tell them no and so we end up signing up with them even though we don't want to, in case we offend them.

I once had one pushy bloke from a children's charity say to me, 'don't you care about children?' Like that's going to make me change my mind.

I think just ‘no’ can sound a bit blunt. But I definitely think you were right not to pretend you did like cats. Maybe ‘no, not really’ or similar might have softened it a bit. I don’t think what you said was rude though and extending it a bit is just a personal preference for me.

I once had one pushy bloke from a children's charity say to me, 'don't you care about children?' Like that's going to make me change my mind.

A charity collector was at my door once asking me to sign up to a direct debit donation, when I politely declined and went to shut the door he said "well your NEIGHBOURS are being generous".

At the point of hearing that little PA comment/dig I nearly pulled the door back open and let rip, but I didn't.

Not rude, I’m sure the lady has met others who don’t like cats, it’s not uncommon

You weren't rude. However, just a comment on the Cats Protection League. We found a local homeless cat had given birth to 5 kittens in a gap between a fence and a shed. We rang the RSPCA and they refused to help. Totally dumbstruck by this attitude by this 'Royal' charity, we contacted Cats Protection and someone arrived within an hour and scooped up the kittens and took to a foster home. We caught the mum later and took her to the fosterer. Sadly only 1 kitten survived, but Cats Protection certainly lived up to their name, unlike the RSPCA.

Had something similar from a guy selling replacement front doors; given that most of the houses here are around 4/5 years old it seemed a bit pointless tbh.

When I told him I wasn't interested he informed me that 'we're doing a lot of your neighbours doors.'

Really, well in that case I'll definitely need one of your crappy replacement doors!

were honest which is ok but a better option would be “not really” Aldi a negative but softer!

One time a charity fundraiser person in a shopping centre asked my husband "Would you like to help sick children?" And he replied with a very casual "No thanks". I think it's fine that you said you don't like cats 😂

OP wasn't rude or smug AT ALL in that thread.
She actually came across as very funny and likeable.
The people around her came across as very smug
And other posters on the thread were very rude and patronising towards her and made some huge assumptions.

OP, you are not rude. You were honest, and as you say avoided wasting her time and your own.

I think it depends on availability. We were in a similar situation once. An elderly relative died suddenly and there was no-one that could take her two young cats. We tried RSPCA and cats protection and they both refused. A local animal charity took them in the end although they were very judgy about the fact that the paramedics, while helping my dying relative, had left the door open, one cat had got out and gone missing for a few days, and had come back pregnant.

Perhaps have a conversation with your family about the reality of charity fundraising. Sometimes the people on charity stalls (like chuggers) are paid staff, maybe with little affiliation to the charitable cause. They may be following a script that has been designed (by other paid staff) to elicit the most positive response. e.g. "Would you like to help children with cancer?" is quite a hard thing to answer 'no' to.

Discuss how each of you might respond to these unsolicited approaches. Do you keep a few coins in your pocket so you can always make a small donation? Do you always refuse to sign up to an annual or monthly donation so you can take it away and think about it? Do you have some kind of other answer e.g. "sorry I am alreay committed to several other charities"?

Do you talk about which type of charities you actively support (with your time or your money) - animal charities, humanitarian charities, something related to a heath or social issue that affects your family or community, big national organisations, small grass roots local groups?

Chat about whether you give a % of your income / pocket money to charitable causes, or whether it is an ad hoc response to the lastest sad advert for a mistreated donkey.

Take it away from 'Mum was mean/rude' and make it a useful / thoughtful family chat about charitable giving and the 21st century challenges of commercial fundraising approaches.

I think it's fine. I'm smiling at the idea of a chocolate protection league though.

It hasn't been the Cats Protection 'League' for years, it is Cats Protection and as long as you weren't rude in the way you said it then I think it is fine.
Lots of people don't like cats and they are entitled to their opinions as long as not expressed in an unpleasant way.

It depends on the tone of the reply, facial expressions and body language. Humans rely on a number of clues in interpretation.

Not rude but a bit abrupt. 'I'm not really a cat lover tbh', or 'Not really, I prefer dogs', are more what I'd expect people to say.

Why should she?

This is a new thing I've noticed over the summer, pet charities asking if I like dogs , cats ect to get you pulled into a conversation. I always just say no because actually I don't like them and I don't want to waste my time or give my money to them. I don't care if they think im rude.

Honestly? I found your 'disclaimer' pretty rude tbh, especially You can do this!!

HTH 😉

It might have been a little bit rude.

But it was primarily aimed at the people who really can't seem to do this. I think most of us would agree there are a lot of people on mumsnet who just can't stop themselves from derailing a thread, making it something it's not, making it about themselves etc. So it was just some words of encouragement to them.

If that's not you, then please take no offence as it wasn't aimed at you,

Well, when I am accosted in the street by children’s charity reps I immediately tell them I only give to animal charities because I don’t like children. So I would say it’s best to be honest. Well done, you. 👍

Or just tell them to suck their lollipop and keep put of adult business.

I wouldn't have said a blunt "no". I'd have smiled and said "not a fan I'm afraid!" and carried on doing whatever I was doing.

I was stopped in the street by the charity collector for Battersea Cats and Dogs Home. He asked me if I liked cats and I said no. He then asked me if I liked dogs and I said no. True on my part in both cases. He just laughed and said we're probably not the one for then. We both laughed - no hard feelings - and he moved onto the next person.