Guests turned up 2.5 hrs late to 1st birthday party

[saHHe20p]

Family birthday party for a 1 year old. Only guests were very old family friends. Was meant to be at 5.30 but guests sent father of family alone and rest of them turned up at 8pm. So we were all sat round waiting. Am I unreasonable to be upset?

There was no message or explanation when they arrived other than they were a bit late. Kids all got too tired and ended up in tears.

Yes but the other invited child might not go to bed at 9pm. And those guests will have additional travel time that she won’t.

Never. They might sometimes be 15 minutes late. But never anything like this. I'm in shock and I'm still really confused myself to be honest.

I guess I could have called them in front of the dad but I felt sorry for him essentially being sent as a placeholder and I did not want to make him feel bad

Did they say why they were so late @saHHe20p

I mean when they finally got there?

Also, what time did they leave?

It just seems so unlikely that lifelong family friends suddenly become rude and selfish. If they are such good friends speak to them properly and find out what really happened.
And do have a think about being more confident and assertive when necessary.

What time did you have your other kid’s first birthday parties at? Were these individuals invited?

You should've still done it. They're the ones who were being horribly rude, you're the one who's been put out and your children suffering for it; stop worrying about making people feel bad when they don't care! It doesn't serve anyone well and just ends in upset and resentment.

You also shouldn't have listened to your parents, they're not the bosses of you when you're in your own home and you've got three children of your own!

Anyway. I think you get the message! 🙂

Or when you realised they hadn’t arrived “any minute now” after the first couple of times he said it, you should have cracked on with plans.

I imagine the dad felt awkward as you were sitting there putting pressure on him to magic his family sooner. It would have been much less awkward for him, and much more fun for you and your kids if you’d been more pragmatic and laid back about it all.

I always take the view with a party/ event that I prepare enough food for everyone to eat far too much, that way, any late arrivals can still have a full meal, and I can just get on with the party without worrying about what time anyone else shows up and whether there will be enough food/ cake left for them.

So long as the birthday child is there it’s all good. The more relaxed you are about these things, the more relaxed everyone else will be.

I’d have given them an hour and then just started eating etc saying we’re all hungry (and saving them some if possible). Their behaviour was bizarre but you waiting/wasting 2.5 hours was equally bizarre. Though dad also a bit weird not to encourage you to do so.

@saHHe20p
Is "the dad" who arrived at 5.30pm your parents' aged friend? Or is he the son(?in-law) of your parents' friends?
And how many guests arrived at 8pm? Four? i.e. your parents' 2 friends (couple) and their daughter(?in-law) and grand-son?
(Sorry, edited to add a possessive apostrophe then realised I had mistaken younger couple for siblings)

Sorry, edited to say: posted on wrong thread but can't seem to cut and paste it to the right thread. Just ignore.

I have an air BnB which is a sort of annexe to my own house. I can choose to rent it out when I am there, or not there, but I never rent it out when I am not there and this sort of thing is the reason why. I would not want some sweaty six foot bloke sleeping on my sofa, thanks. Especially not without a full and proper set of bedding. And a single bed in a holiday let may not be of the quality to withstand the weight of two shagging adults. The hot water capacity may struggle with extra people showering as well.

I make it clear on the listing that we live on site, so even if we choose to go away for a few days during guests' stays, they always book in the knowledge that we will see whatever is going on. It works because it puts off the people who might want to take the piss.

I know of people who have booked nices houses with pools sleeping 4 or 6 while the rest of their family or friends are in a cheap place with no nice facilities down the road. Then they turn up at the nice villa every day to use the pool and the wifi and the bbq, the garden furniture, the games room, the loos and the sunbeds then bugger off again at bedtime. So the house may only be sleeping 4 or 6, but everything else is taking a battering with 10 or 12 people in it.

Also people think if the host isn't there, they can book and pay for a place sleeping 4 or 6 people, then turn up with a load of blow up air beds and an extra four kids in tow. They don't see the harm, but honestly the difference to the wear and tear on your place, your furnishings and your pool etc is huge.

Probably double booked.

When this sort of thing happens it generally tells you something about people's priorities. Unless there's been a car breakdown or a medical emergency, it means that something else was more important to them, but they weren't prepared to admit that (to you or to themselves, maybe).

The other day I was about ten minutes late for an appointment (where being absolutely on time was expected) and I mumbled an excuse about traffic. But it was my own fault - nothing happened on the way and I should have left the house earlier. The truth was, I wasn't motivated enough to put in the extra effort to be there right on time.

Imagine that you have a winning lottery ticket. You will get £1 million but you have to be at this particular place in the next town at 11am next Friday. If you are a minute late, you get nothing. It's an hour away. What time would you set off? For me it would be 7am. Or I might see if there's a hotel near to the venue and stay overnight, and I'd tip the receptionist £50 to hammer on my door at 9am to wake me up. So if you're late for something, it's because it isn't that important to you. (Again, barring force majeure - and even then, if it was important enough, you'd have a plan B in case the car breaks down or whatever.)

I would have answered the door in my pj's and told them they'd missed a great event, shame.

So, they said ‘we’re a bit late’ and you said……what?

Very inconsiderate, especially as 1-year-olds (and apparently there were other young children) don't react well to being kept up indefinitely. If they couldn't come within reasonable time. they should have declined the invitation.

I would have done this too.

Was it the grandparents who insisted on them being invited in the first place and then insisted that you waited for them for hours?

Extremely rude unless they had a valid excuse I would have been livid

This all sounds bonkers!

That's appalling. Zero care, zero respect, I am really sorry they treated you like this and can only advise that you tell them, direct, to their face!

Is it a cultural thing because in some cultures, that’s acceptable infact “appropriate “.

Really sorry, terribly upsetting for you.

Shocking

This happened to me . DD's first birthday . My family all arrived on time . DH's family arrived 2.5 hours late . We carried on as normal as we could but held off on eating as I had set up a buffet for everyone . When they arrived they had already been to McDonalds so didnt want food anyway . Yes I was really pissed off . Last party I did for DD at home.. for her 2nd and 3rd we did days out and now shes in school I do a party with her friends. All I take from it was that at the end of the day everyone was there in the end and all sang happy birthday to DD . Life is too short to hold a grudge

They were very rude.

However, you really should have just got on with the party and if the grandparents were saying you had to wait for these guests that shouldn't have put you off either because it's your child and you know when your child gets tired and needs to go to bed.

You'll know for next time.
You give guests a maximum of 15 minutes grace and then you start anyway. Their problem if they are late.