Guests turned up 2.5 hrs late to 1st birthday party

[saHHe20p]

Family birthday party for a 1 year old. Only guests were very old family friends. Was meant to be at 5.30 but guests sent father of family alone and rest of them turned up at 8pm. So we were all sat round waiting. Am I unreasonable to be upset?

There was no message or explanation when they arrived other than they were a bit late. Kids all got too tired and ended up in tears.

Just do your own thing next year.

As your baby is only one, I’d have done the cake, candles, singing happy birthday, etc on our own and carried on with my day. My baby would have been bathed and in bed by the time the 8pm guests arrived and they would have been told to be quiet to avoid waking the baby. If they found my behaviour rude, tough, they were rude too.

Yes learn not to be a doormat. That is the lesson here.

I genuinely did believe they would turn up why minute. But next time they will not be invited and I will be going ahead regardless.

It was just meant to be an early evening tea party type thing. No longer than 2 hrs. Appreciate it doesn't sound much of a party. I think for 1 year olds it does tend to be more about adults getting together.

Thanks for the responses

I take it all onboard

Very odd all round. Not sure it's a party if it's just one family invited, surely that's just having someone round?
They were incredibly rude to be so late, but pre-baby what would've been the usual expectation for an arrival time? I'm aware in some cultures arriving at the advertised start time is considered very rude.
At my DS's 3rd party, a Greek girl and her family turned up at 11.15 for a party 10-12. They didn't apologise for being late, I said sorry we gave her plated food to an unexpected older sibling, and they overstayed their welcome, still being there at nearly 12.30 getting in the way of the clearing up, when everyone else had gone. I had to actually say look it's been lovely meeting you but the party's all wrapped up now and we must get the hall locked behind us. Completely shameless in my book, but presumably in Greece 10-12 would be the general time of arrival not the whole thing!

Grandparents also there sorry should say. I meant only guests other than family.

So what family were there? That’s a bit different to them being the only guests!

Then it's utterly strange that you waited for them. That would have annoyed me if I'd been there. They're obviously rude, but that's odd on your part IMO.

That's awful of them, so rude.

Who else was there @saHHe20p?

I put YABU - I don't understand why the party was so late, and why you didn't just do everything else without them.

Just grandparents and us. It was actually the grandparents who were adamant we wait for them to arrive for the cake etc. we did do other things like little games and nibbles whilst waiting. I'm not saying we were just staring at the wall. It did add a stress and length to the party and a shadow I could have done without

The OP’s explained this. Because they kept messaging and saying they were coming soon. Not that odd.

Really, really rude behaviour.
If you can't make it, decline.
I wouldn't include them again.
But I don't do rudeness, once and done.
Learn from this OP.

All very strange. I wouldn’t have waited for them. The ‘Dad’ who turned up sounds like an absolute wet blanket. Why didn’t he just tell you to carry on without them? You were rude to keep the people who had come waiting for food! The poor grandparents!

Party was meant to be 5.30 to 8 ISH as baby naps still twice in day last one quite late and then goes to bed about 9. It also worked for the people coming

Do you have children other than the 1 year old?
How old are your friends' children?

Did you genuinely sit there with a table of party food for 2 hours? Rather than get started when the others weren't there within 30 minutes?

Very rude of them, however it's crazy you waited until they got there to eat / do cake. After an hour at the most you should have just said, right let's get on with it, food will be cold / stale whatever for the later arrivals but that's their fault. Did you think they might kick off if you didn't wait? What family members were they?

Why didn’t you do a weekend party?

through the week is always going to be difficult for anyone with kids at work and school.

They don't

Who are they to you? What is the relationship, how close are you and why are they considered so important?

I would have thought the grandparents were the important ones and just cracked on with them.

I still don't understand why you didn't ask them where they were when they said they were nearly there and didn't show up.

We did and they said any minute

I can't quite envisage how the evening unfolded?
You were expecting them to arrive around 5.30pm. Let's say you messaged at 6 to ask for an update on ETA.
Did they say at that point they'd be arriving "any minute now"?
Then, two hours went past with no sign of them?

The Dad must have known what time they left, and therefore could have estimated the time of their arrival surely. Did he not say anything, or even ring them?

And, when they did eventually arrive at 8pm, there must have been apologies, or an explanation at least?

There shortly etc

None. I asked if all ok they said yes.

I read a similar story here about a kid’s birthday party and learned that in some African traditions, being late for parties is quite normal. I remember from that thread that one of the parents said “no Nigerian time” or “no African time”, something like that, but some still turned up late. It was something new for me to learn. (As I just began to read that thread, I thought - how bizarre and how rude, but then it became clearer). Now, is it possible at all that some of the guests had an African connectiob? Maybe spent some time in Africa and absorbed this custom?