My child having no father is going to affect him?

ForFunWriter · 2025-08-16T22:50:57+00:00

Short Term relationship and had a child. I was too far along and had found out his lies, mostly about money and got sick of him lying about ex. He walked and I’ve not seen him again. I never met his family and neither did he meet mine. They aren’t interested. My family are estranged from me mostly. my parents love their grand baby but are 70s so not much longer. My siblings have bullied me a lot and I felt emotionally neglected. Tried nhs therapy. I have realised that my son isn’t being set up for the best start in life and I wish he didnt have to suffer. I find it hard to make friends so no one else to help. I hope he has a good life because I feel like I can’t give him much. Will he always think he’s missed out?

murasaki · 16/08/2025 23:56

You love him, his grandparents do, enjoy the time they have with him, he will make friends, he has you and that's what he needs. You will be just fine. And friends will come. He is loved, he loves you, it's all good. Please don't worry.

menopausalfart · 17/08/2025 00:03

I didn't need anyone else but my mum. Just don't make the mistake my DM did and marry a hideous bloke, he'll be absolutely fine.

Original poster

ForFunWriter · 17/08/2025 00:05

My parents don’t live close and I can’t move to them

I don’t have any friends, what makes you think he will?

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Original poster

ForFunWriter · 17/08/2025 00:07

menopausalfart · 17/08/2025 00:03

I didn't need anyone else but my mum. Just don't make the mistake my DM did and marry a hideous bloke, he'll be absolutely fine.

I don’t think I know any lone parents, just lone parent children from sperm donors, but that feels it’s more of a recent thing. there was children when I was at school but I honestly didn’t care.

do you think your nasty step father clouded your judgement or do you think one parent family is ok? I’m worried for my son

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murasaki · 17/08/2025 00:08

He'll make some in preschool, school, take him to the park, it'll be fine. Please don't worry.

SlushMountain · 17/08/2025 00:08

My kids don’t see their dad it has 100% affected them I do think people are dismissive on how much affect it can have

GottaBeStrong · 17/08/2025 00:08

Better to raise him alone than to raise him around people who are not emotionally healthy for him.

menopausalfart · 17/08/2025 00:10

My SD ruined my childhood and caused me a lot of long-lasting mental health problems. I would have been perfectly happy if she had continued being a lone parent. That's not to say stay single, just be far more picky when it comes to inviting another person into your lives.

sandgrown · 17/08/2025 00:10

Without sounding harsh friends don’t just drop in your lap . You need to make a bit of an effort . Can you join any baby groups or similar . You son will make friends at school . You could consider some hobbies to build your friendship circle. Be a positive role model for your son .

Original poster

ForFunWriter · 17/08/2025 00:14

Their dad has been in their life at some point, my son has never meet his. Not sure if it’s diffe

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Original poster

ForFunWriter · 17/08/2025 00:15

sandgrown · 17/08/2025 00:10

Without sounding harsh friends don’t just drop in your lap . You need to make a bit of an effort . Can you join any baby groups or similar . You son will make friends at school . You could consider some hobbies to build your friendship circle. Be a positive role model for your son .

Their dad has been in their life at some point, my son has never meet his. Not sure if it’s different. does your ex family see the child?

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TheGreatWesternShrew · 17/08/2025 00:15

Yes he likely will always feel he’s missed out on a father. You can’t prevent that. However there’s also nothing you can do about it so there’s no point fretting.

TheGreatWesternShrew · 17/08/2025 00:15

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TheGreatWesternShrew · 17/08/2025 00:15

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steff13 · 17/08/2025 00:15

I think it's important for a child to have a male role model. But it doesn't have to be a father. Ideally it is but there are circumstances where that's just not possible for whatever reason. It could be an uncle, a family friend, etc.

We have a program here in the US called Big Brothers/Big Sisters. I don't know if you have something similar? One of my co-workers is a big brother for a kid who just graduated from high school. They've been big brother/little brother since he was in elementary school. My coworker has been to his school plays, his basketball games and football games, He helped him with his college applications. He's been really valuable in the boy's life.

Original poster

ForFunWriter · 17/08/2025 00:16

sandgrown · 17/08/2025 00:10

Without sounding harsh friends don’t just drop in your lap . You need to make a bit of an effort . Can you join any baby groups or similar . You son will make friends at school . You could consider some hobbies to build your friendship circle. Be a positive role model for your son .

Yea I k ow but how can I have hobbies when I have no one to look after my child? I don’t earn enough for a baby sitter. I tried the library (I don’t have a baby, I have a toddler). The only families that

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Original poster

ForFunWriter · 17/08/2025 00:18

steff13 · 17/08/2025 00:15

I think it's important for a child to have a male role model. But it doesn't have to be a father. Ideally it is but there are circumstances where that's just not possible for whatever reason. It could be an uncle, a family friend, etc.

We have a program here in the US called Big Brothers/Big Sisters. I don't know if you have something similar? One of my co-workers is a big brother for a kid who just graduated from high school. They've been big brother/little brother since he was in elementary school. My coworker has been to his school plays, his basketball games and football games, He helped him with his college applications. He's been really valuable in the boy's life.

No we don’t have that here
I have my brother which could do that but he has his own children as well

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Original poster

ForFunWriter · 17/08/2025 00:19

Sorry my phone is being weird

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murasaki · 17/08/2025 00:19

steff13 · 17/08/2025 00:15

I think it's important for a child to have a male role model. But it doesn't have to be a father. Ideally it is but there are circumstances where that's just not possible for whatever reason. It could be an uncle, a family friend, etc.

We have a program here in the US called Big Brothers/Big Sisters. I don't know if you have something similar? One of my co-workers is a big brother for a kid who just graduated from high school. They've been big brother/little brother since he was in elementary school. My coworker has been to his school plays, his basketball games and football games, He helped him with his college applications. He's been really valuable in the boy's life.

I'm not sure there is anything like that in the UK but it sounds really good.

If the OP is concerned re role models etc ,she will have to put some work in to expand her circle, her son will make friends as he goes along, I'm sure.

Op, do any neighbours have similar aged kids and do you see them? It feels like you've decided you can't make friends and that's it, but it doesn't have to be like that.

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/08/2025 00:20

Of course it will affect him. Everything about our families affects us.

The no friends thing is one you can change and I really think you need to try. A single mum, no involved relatives and no friends sounds potentially precarious. How old is he? What happens if you get seriously ill or something? Do you work and if so do you get on with colleagues? Have you ever had friends? You need to prioritise building a community, the fabled village. Invest in people and create some friendships which will benefit both of you.

murasaki · 17/08/2025 00:21

So your kid could maybe play with his cousins occasionally. You could have them over to give your brother and his partner a break, I'm sure they'd go for that.

SquishedMallow · 17/08/2025 00:21

I know this sounds hard: but you're making a lot of excuses why you can't fix anything and feel your son is in a hopeless set of circumstances. But if you feel that way and aren't driven to change at least something - then what happened between finding out you were pregnant and now ? Did you feel this way when you first found out you were pregnant? If so I don't understand why you had a baby and then suddenly decided everything looked bleak for him?

CrispieCake · 17/08/2025 00:21

Your child doesn't need a perfect start in life. He needs to be loved and have his needs met.

But you can make things easier for him by teaching him how to make friends and be sociable. Part of this is confidence - if you reiterate to him everyday that he's wonderful, that you love him, that your life with him is great and that the two of you can take on the world, he'll believe this.

The other part is practice. Organise a full life for him with lots of interaction with others - age-appropriate activities, lots of playground time, hanging out at the library if you have one locally, playdates with friends when he starts school (even if they're at the park because you don't want to have people round).

If you want a way to start, take him to playgrounds regularly (2-3 times a week at least) along with some bubbles and a ball. There is no better way imo to teach kids how to make friends easily than to hang out in playgrounds and gently guide and support their interactions with other children.

steff13 · 17/08/2025 00:22

murasaki · 17/08/2025 00:19

I'm not sure there is anything like that in the UK but it sounds really good.

If the OP is concerned re role models etc ,she will have to put some work in to expand her circle, her son will make friends as he goes along, I'm sure.

Op, do any neighbours have similar aged kids and do you see them? It feels like you've decided you can't make friends and that's it, but it doesn't have to be like that.

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My impression of it is that it's a very good program. My best friend was also a big sister for a junior high school age girl when she was in college, and they are still in touch to this day. So just from my anecdotal experience I think it's a good program.

Original poster

ForFunWriter · 17/08/2025 00:22

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/08/2025 00:20

Of course it will affect him. Everything about our families affects us.

The no friends thing is one you can change and I really think you need to try. A single mum, no involved relatives and no friends sounds potentially precarious. How old is he? What happens if you get seriously ill or something? Do you work and if so do you get on with colleagues? Have you ever had friends? You need to prioritise building a community, the fabled village. Invest in people and create some friendships which will benefit both of you.

Right
so how does this happen? How many new friends have you made as a lone parents? How many hours do you give to other families? Where did you find these other families to help? How do you manage to work and have a child and do your chores’

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