Am I getting old or is the world becoming more inconsiderate?

[GeorgeA12]

Just been on holiday in UK desperately trying to relax from busy year. I just found people being so inconsiderate to their fellow human beings, was struggling to tolerate it all. Some examples:

1. Person on the train talking loudly on the phone about her upcoming party. The rest of the people in the carriage pretty silent. Why couldn't she know how disruptive she was?

1. I was kayaking in the sea. I kid you not, a person comes into the sea talking loudly making a video call for ten minutes.

1. A family trying to make their kid go in the sea. The kid was screaming, not wanting to go in the sea. Went on for twenty mins. Was awful to hear.

1. Took a bus ride. Walked towards the back of the bus and their is an aggressive looking dog sitting on a seat!

1. Another bus ride and someone talking loudly about their friends shitting habits for all to hear.

1. Took my mum out for a nice meal to a restaurant. Half way through the meal a family comes in with a dog. The restaurant is now dog friendly apparently. Sorry I don't want to eat my meal with a dog nearby without being told first.

1. Another cafe. Three dogs in one person letting one of their dogs paw on the seats.

1. Having a meal in a pub with my daughter. Parents letting their kids use their phones to watch videos for all to hear. Had to move.

1. Coming home on the train. Someone playing radio 2 loudly on their phone speakers. Why not wear headphones, I dont want to listen to someone else's noise.

I'm getting to the point where I wish I was born in the early1900s, to avoid all the stress technology brings. I'm 50, just want peace and consideration is it to much to ask from others when out in public? Or am I just not used to how the world operates now?

Im in my 30s and I feel like the world and its attitude has changed. I recently went to a spa and some women were loudly talking in a steam room. I thought it was really inconsiderate. It’s like people have no awareness of what’s around them.

YANBU OP. I’ve noticed the same types of things, especially re. Noise/music from phones etc in public places where headphones could be used.

Couldn’t agree more. I can add people with headphones in who stand in the middle of the pavement at the bus stop and can’t hear you politely asking them to let you pass. People riding bikes or scooters on the pavement and expecting you to move for them. Neighbours who shout to each other even though they are sitting 3 feet apart or play music in the garden. Videos being watched on speaker phone on the bus/train or any public space. There is a real sense of entitlement to use public spaces without taking into account other people using them. It drives me mad.

I'm sick of it to be honest. It's making me not want to go on holiday anymore. Wasn't like this when I was a kid. It's the constant use of phones in public that's getting me, it's even worse now as people think it's ok to be on the speaker.

And what is it with people carrying speakers around playing their music loud for everyone to hear? I don't want to listen to your music, thank you very much, put your headphones on!

@GeorgeA12 what a shame they didn't drop the phone in the sea

I was looking for somewhere to go this weekend. I ended up not going anywhere, partly because I was only okay to go somewhere really quiet. That is practically impossible to find now.

After years of living in London, I have a passionate hatred of public transport, so if I can't easily get a reasonably priced cab, or just be walking distance in where I'm staying, I won't go. It's not a holiday if I've got to get public transport. Though I do have to take it to get there in the first place!

Why is this happening though? Why are people so inconsiderate now? If I was on a train I wouldn't dream of making a call, and if it was urgent I would take myself out to the vestibule area in the carriage so as not to disturb other people's peace.

Yes, I think it’s since Brexit and the Pandemic. People are more siloed.

When I was at primary school (in the 90s) a policeman came to visit us in assembly and spelled out a few things we should do to be law abiding and considerate of our communities. One of those things he said was that when we listen to music in public or on public transport we should use headphones and it should never be loud enough so that other people can hear it.

Il always remember that little talk we had and now I wouldn’t dare play anything too loud now.

It's never Schumann or Chopin is it?

Something I wouldn't mind catching a snippet of as I pass.

Yup. I think pandemic +devices have made people more remote and separate and we just don’t know how to do it anymore. I quite often think that there are less people just walking around outside.

I work in retail and people just have no concept of personal space. They seem surprised that other people actually exist. I am a middle aged woman (so of course completely invisible) but my younger colleagues report the same thing. People stopping right in front of you, reaching over so their armpit is in your face, standing much too close. I find the same with driving, people stopping suddenly for no reason, pulling out without looking, double parking next to pedestrian crossings etc etc. It is very noticeable and has happened since Brexit and we found out what Boris etc were doing while the rest of us were locked down. The social contract that keeps us all rubbing along together has been completely broken: the British people were lied to and treated like idiots and I’m not surprised many people now live in their own little bubble.

I was annoyed at the park recently when parents didn’t make their children take turns to use the rides.
There is a fair ground at the moment and one of the children wanted to stay on again but people were waiting. My DD was excited to sit at the front and she was at the front of the queue so she was sure she would get to sit at the front. You know what kids are like.
When the ride stops the girl at the front says she wants to stay on again and the operator turns a blind eye and leaves her there. I then expect a parent to appear to tell her to get off but nope. DD is then upset so the operator asks the girl to get off and let someone else have a turn at the front. Her mum then pipes up behind me and passively aggressively shouts, “Aw thank you Dotty.”

I was annoyed because she had been watching behind me and did fuck all about it. And the way she thanked her daughter too it really got my back up because she was clearly aiming at me. If she had been telling her daughter to get off from the start and her daughter didn’t want to but then decided to of course I would have said thank you. But it was the entitlement from both of them that made me think nah.

For context, my DD has Autism and struggles when things like this happen. She understands taking turns and it upsets her when people don’t
follow rules that I have tried so hard to help her understand. When other people don’t do it it just pisses me right off.

@myglowupera yes that would do my head in.

@Chachie I've been experiencing in shops when I'm looking at shelves people just coming right in front of me to look blocking my view. I then make a point of standing right back and waiting for them. The inconsideration nowadays is staggering!

I saw a man the other week finish loading his shopping into his car, then put the trolley next to his car and drove off. The trolley park was not a long way off, and there was a slight slope. So a) he doesn’t care about it rolling and scratching someone’s car and b) it’s a total lack of respect for the person collecting trolleys. It was just such little effort to not be a dick but still he chose to be one. He was in no rush to leave. Idk, I stared at him hard so he knew he was seen, but it’s just depressing.

Its also been pointed out to me that I’m too keen to make space for everyone else in the street, and so I started paying attention to how much I was scurrying out of people’s paths (we’re talking London and I’m not native to it). I’ve started this hierarchy in my head, I’ll always move out the way of little kids, busy parents, older folk or anyone who’s moving with difficulty/carrying stuff, and apart from that I’ll move if the other person shows signs of moving. We’re talking big men sometimes (but any gender) and they’re fully slamming into me expecting me to scurry. Maybe I look too “nice” but it’s gotten to the point that I’d rather take the literal hit than be walked over.

With the caveat I am a dog lover and had my own dog for nearly 15 years (still missed every day) I was in a pub restaurant on holiday and someone brought in a dog that smelt really strongly of wet dog (we were by the sea so guess he had been swimming), and it really put me off my food. Don't mind dogs in restaurants as long as they don't pong the place out 😆

No such thing as peace in the UK now unless you live somewhere very isolated and stay there.

The island is overcrowded, inconsiderate and very noisy. And we import a million extra people every year.

Main character syndrome and narcissism is everywhere. Or just a total lack of self-awareness.

You're just focusing on bad stuff, start looking out for good stuff!

I'm having a lovely peaceful day today, what a crock of nonsense

We don't really go out anymore because of this. I'm so grateful to have my own car so I don't have to use public transport. If we do go out it's generally during times when it's more likely to be quiet and never during the school holidays. There are so many rubbishy people now.

Where are you though?

We were on holiday recently, think very quiet, relaxing, white sand, small island, palms trees, no loud families, no ball games or water sports. Mostly couples or older teens (I had my DC with me).

Couple on sunbed constantly watched their phones with no headphones - one watching what appeared to be TV/movie, one watching what appeared to be reels and laughing/shouting to show the other.

First time I did the usually glares etc. second time we got up and moved and clearly said we'll go somewhere quieter.

Everyone around was looking and disturbed. DH wouldn't let me ask them about headphones.

I think it's a matter of a minority are hugely inconsiderate and seem to get away with it without challenge. Others then also start been less considerate and it snowballs. So for example, one person starts loudly talking on the phone in the quiet carriage, no one says anything, guard walks up the carriage whilst person on phone, also doesn't say anything. Then others decide they might as well have their music/ phone calls too as why be silent for ignorant arsehole if it's not going to be challenged.

Same with dogs, there are an awful lot of very poorly trained dogs due to Covid. There are a lot of people using SM to train their dogs and not attending proper dog training. The rise of SM as a "training tool" has meant that there is a swathe of dog owners who do not understand what is good dog ownership and good dog behavior. There are also a lot of fly by night and poor dog trainers about. The industry has exploded and not everyone claiming to be a dog trainer is as qualified as they ought to be. A well trained dog with a professional dog trainer is expensive. It's not just a few lessons on a park or a quick 6 week course then you are done. That's the basics. Too many owners only do the basics and then think they have a trained dog. The reality it that full training can take months or years, and is often needed again during those teenage years to nip undesirable teenage dog behaviour in the bud.

It has reached a point where due to the volume of dogs about general dog behavior has declined. Newer dog owners go out, see older dogs sitting on seats/ running up to people in "greeting"/ pawing others/ barking and snapping/ pulling at leads and think it's just general behaviour of dogs and it's fine. Cafes and shops have given into dog friendliness in order to attract people in which is fine where 99.5% of dogs are well trained and socialised. In reality very few pets are, if your dog pulls on the lead/ sniffs, barks, snaps, or acknowledges other dogs or people walking past/ paws, licks, chews at furniture/ scent marks constantly as it walks/ approaches others without explicit command or invitation/ has poor or inconsistent recall it is not a properly or fully trained dog.

We went out for dinner a few months ago and a couple had set themselves up with an iPad to watch a football match. Full volume together with their own accompanying shouts and groans. WTAF. If you wanted to watch your team why not stay home and order a takeaway. DH had a word and pointed out that the rest of the restaurant guests couldn’t give one shiny shite about their team and to turn the sound and their shouty comments down. They did, but you could feel the sulk coming off in waves. They weren’t young either so it’s not an age thing.