Friend went to the queens funeral and not my mums

[Mayflower282]

I know it was 3 years ago, but I have just found out that my best friend (since childhood) 30+ years of friendship, went to the Queens funeral instead of my mum’s. At the time she said she had to work and couldn’t get time off. Then the other day she casually brought up the fact she was at the queens funeral.

I feel so let down. I don’t have many friends, maybe 3 close friends, and my family is really small. I feel like she prioritised someone she didn’t even know 😔

That is a punch to the gut.
Your friendship has now changed, irreversibly.

As in, she was invited to attend the Queen’s funeral, or she went down to London to line the streets?

I wouldn’t care tbh. I’d be more upset that she lied.

She went to see the Queen lying in state I would assume - not to her funeral? The lying would bother me, but not the fact that she didn't come to your mother's funeral. I would have rather she told me the truth at the time. Some people find funerals incredibly hard for a range of reasons - my own sister has already said she's not coming to my mum's funeral when the time comes. But she's told me, she's been up front, I respect her choices. Plus it will go off much better without her to be honest and I will doubtless find it less stressful without her there creating chaos.

the actual funeral?

Doesn't the queen lie in state for 4 days? It's entirely possible she couldn't get the day or your mother's funeral off work but one of the other 3 days was bookable for the queen.

I think all funerals scheduled on the day of the Queen's funeral were postponed, as it was declared a public holiday. My friend's funeral was planned for that day and was delayed by a week. Or do you mean she went to London to line the streets?

She may have gone to see the Queen lying in state before the funeral and maybe wasn't lying about not being able to take the day of your mum's funeral.off? Do you know for a fact that she lied?

Yes people make a good point - the Queen lay in state from Wednesday 14 - Monday 19 September - the funeral was 19 September and was a Bank Holiday as others have said.

ouch. More the lying I think.

an invite to the actual funeral then I would have given her my blessing, that’s not something you’d refuse.

did she support you otherwise? Apart from your mum’s funeral?

My Dad died 2 days before Princess Diana. Friends journeyed to London to lay flowers but never got me flowers, not even a card.

One of my closest friends was at my dads funeral , the other wasn’t and it’s never been an issue - not everyone wants to go to funerals unless very close relatives

But OPs friend went to the Queens, presumably to stand on the street.

If she actually got an invite to the funeral, it must have been as the representative of a charity or an organisation with royal patronage? I imagine it would be fairly hard to turn that down, if offered - I know someone who was invited to attend to represent the National Federation of Young Farmers’ Clubs (he was the elected President at the time) and it was a massive honour for him. Your friend should have been honest, however.

If she just went to the lying in state or to stand in the street, that is incredibly poor behaviour from her - definitely not what you would expect from a true friend.

Deleted - duplicate post.

I meant the thing in London where people stood in the street, sorry it’s such a blur. I know she went to it on the day of my mother’s funeral because the day after she went on holiday. I feel betrayed.

Omg that’s terrible. I’m sorry to hear that. Sounds like a similar situation. Why do people prioritise people they don’t even know, or have never even met?? I don’t understand.

You feel betrayed because she lied to you and that's totally fair enough. I don't think it even matters where she was - even if she'd gone to Chessington for the day - she said she couldn't get the time off work, when she clearly could. It's up to you if you want to take her to task over it of course. I can't stand being lied to either and it's caused me to end friendships before because for me trust is a big part of friendship.

I had similar @MinnieCauldwell. Then the 'friend' who was sobbing about Diana said my dad was lucky as he had gone to a better place. I never forgive her.

God that’s horrible. Ditch her!

Was she closer to the Queen than to your mum or something? Is the drip feed that she's Princess Anne?

It was really poor behaviour by her and I'd feel let down too. Can you discuss it with her, it could clear the air, or end the friendship.

I would find it hard to get over her lying, so I think airing it with her is thevway to go.

The lying in state lasted for 6 days - are you 100% sure it was the same day?

It's performative grief - wanting to be part of some largescale emotional event.

I don't say that to justify her behaviour OP - she has treated you shabbily and been deceitful. As she is your best friend it must be very disappointing

Sorry to hear that. She sounds like a shit friend (same for the poster above who's dad clashed with princess diana 😒 shame on them too.)