Friend went to the queens funeral and not my mums

[Mayflower282]

I know it was 3 years ago, but I have just found out that my best friend (since childhood) 30+ years of friendship, went to the Queens funeral instead of my mum’s. At the time she said she had to work and couldn’t get time off. Then the other day she casually brought up the fact she was at the queens funeral.

I feel so let down. I don’t have many friends, maybe 3 close friends, and my family is really small. I feel like she prioritised someone she didn’t even know 😔

That’s exactly it. Thank you for explaining the term for it.

Not a good friend. She should have prioritised you. It would change my view

Oh wow. That’s low of her. And then to lie about it?! I’m sorry for your loss OP. I wouldn’t be able to get past that I don’t think.

Maybe there was a work thing she couldn't get out of and while she was in London attending it she thought she'd pop along to the queens thing.
Also, the queen lay in state for about a week so presumably she could have gone in any of those days?

I'm sorry for your loss OP but I think you need to cut your friend some slack if she's a good friend in other ways. It was 3 years ago and presumably impossible for you to verify.

YANBU.

I think you are so within your rights to feel upset, but for some people it was very important to attend the Queen’s lying in state.

I actually missed my nephews first birthday party to attend - my husband was very upset but we moved past it. It was something I felt very strongly about, and nothing would have stopped me going.

But equally I understand that to many that’s completely unreasonable, and I wouldn’t say they’re wrong. I am so sorry for your loss.

I can't believe anyone would pick YABU.

I'm very sorry. Maybe your friend regrets it? Could you ask her if she does? If she hears you out and apologizes, I could see the friendship repairing.

Otherwise, I don't think I could forgive it.

Not being arsey but why was it more important than a family occasion?

But you didn't lie about it did you - you were upfront. I think that's the crux of the issue here, that the friend lied.

I think we all accept that some people were deeply affected by it (I wasn't and never would be), but that's not what is at the heart of this thread.

That's really shitty to miss your nephew's first birthday. I wouldn't forgive that if you were my SIL.

I agree. And wasn't she lying in state for ages?

My sister-in-law was completely fine about it, it’s never been an issue between us and my nephew and I are super close - thankfully she’s not the sort of person to take offence over birthday party attendance. Like I said, my husband was the only person who was really upset but we worked that out between us.

I am and always have been a Royalist. The Royal Family are very important to me and I’d always always said that when the Queen died I intended to see her lying in state. Everyone knew that about me - including all my in laws who messaged me about it as soon as she died. It felt like a piece of history and culture I couldn’t miss.

She was lying in state for days but I queued for the best part of 24 hours, and was only able to do that on certain days because of work. It was unfortunate but I have no regrets - my nephew doesn’t know if I was there or not and is much more concerned with what we’re doing for our next play date! I realise not everyone would feel the same and I respect that - if I knew it would cause a rift between myself and my in laws I might have behaved differently. I don’t know.

I think the lying is crucial here, as a previous poster said. That’s particularly unkind and unthoughtful to mention it so casually down the line.

I have very low expectations of ‘friends’ these days, in that way I’m never disappointed with them

Was it just the two of you in this conversation or were there other people there? IE are you sure she went and she wasn’t lying about it

YANBU

Your friend didn’t show up for you when you needed her most, she let you down. And even worse than that she lied about it. And now she’s been caught.

Personally I would struggle to get past it. I would also be really hurt and angry and I would likely to call them out on it. I imagine it would be the end of my friendship with them. I’m not saying you should do this, I just know I wouldn’t handle that well at all. But I also don’t think I’d care much after that. What a shitty thing for them to do. I’m sorry for your loss (which I imagine may be feeling a bit raw again). And I’m sorry your friend has failed you in this way 🫂

Its so sad that the queen is more important to you than a baby family member. The Queen wouldn't be attending any of your occasions or even care about you so why on earth would you prioritise that over your actual family.

Op are you sure it was the same day. Queens funeral was a public holiday.

Lots and lots of people will have watched or wanted to be there because it was a once in a genetation event. Very few people will have seen a state funeral before the Queens. Winston Churchill was the previous one in the 60s.

I think that was really mean. And so sneaky to lie about it. I would just quietly withdraw from the friendship. She doesn't deserve a explanation.

Incorrect. Any scheduled were quite rightly honoured.

I’m assuming you mean she went to line the street, which would have been unreasonable of her.

If she actually want to the funeral as a representative of a charity or some other way through her work, I can see why she would feel honour bound to go, and also that she could reasonably describe it as work.

@Mayflower282 she said she was working. What does she do? Because I can well imagine they'll have been thousands of people working that day in and around London who couldn't get time off.

Lots of people would have needed to work inc the likes of road cleaners, crowd managments, porta-loo operators , transport operators, hotels would have been sold out, cafes and restaurants would have been busy, the police, ambulance and hospitals would have been busy with just that many extra people in the area.

Are you sure she wasn't working?

I have yet to meet anyone who remembers their first birthday party…..

Yanbu. What a weird individual. Cut her off, op, she doesn't love you as she should. Sorry xx

That's awful. When famous/important people die, the public often feel they 'know' them.

I would imagine some people post what they did in regards paying respects on social media too, not saying you're friend is that type but many did, showing themselves lay flowers etc.

It is just strange behaviour.

My grandfathers funeral was the same day as hers.

He was a sailor in WWII. He was seriously injured when his ship was torpedoed. Then he re enlisted and it happened again (we nicknamed him Uncle Albert a la Only fools!).

I have long felt that he deserved people lining the streets and mourning him far more than she did. Call me a cow if you will but I stand by it.