Friend went to the queens funeral and not my mums

[Mayflower282]

I know it was 3 years ago, but I have just found out that my best friend (since childhood) 30+ years of friendship, went to the Queens funeral instead of my mum’s. At the time she said she had to work and couldn’t get time off. Then the other day she casually brought up the fact she was at the queens funeral.

I feel so let down. I don’t have many friends, maybe 3 close friends, and my family is really small. I feel like she prioritised someone she didn’t even know 😔

I agree with you - I think it’s bizarre to have a birthday party for a one year old. However, I’m very much with the OP about her friend not attending the funeral. My best friend and I have both lost our mothers in recent years, and it would never have crossed our minds not to be at their funerals. We knew each other’s mums but went to the funerals mainly to support each other. I read the eulogy for my friend at her mum’s funeral because she didn’t feel she could do it, and she gave a reading at mine. I don’t think I I could have forgiven her if she had missed my mum’s funeral to go to stand in a street somewhere to watch the late queen’s funeral procession. Aside from the fact that the OP’s friend lied about not being able to take time off work, I would also have been very hurt if my best friend had made this excuse - nothing would have kept me from being there to support my best friend at her n other’s funeral.

I was thinking the same to be honest.

I am of the age where a lot of my friends have lost parents. I will have been as supportive as I could be, sent a card, sat with them when they were upset, but never been to the actual funeral. And my life went on as normal on the day, whether that was working or going out somewhere.

However, I can see that the main issue is not attending the funeral, it is OPs feeling she was lied to.

Unfortunately OP can't recall whether the funeral took place on the same day as the Queen's funeral or during the period the Queen was lying in state - and that's the crux of it.

Friend may have gone to lying in state on a different day and may genuinely not have been able to get the day of OPs funeral off work, especially as she was going on holiday the following day.

I would say, OP, you need to get the dates clear in your head before you start getting uppity with your friend.

Whats that supposed to mean?

Plenty people will have watched, just to watch a State Funeral, that little bit of history in the making. See what happens at a State Funeral

I'm not RC but watched the last Pope's funeral too, out of pure curiosity. I don't remember Pope John Paul's funeral being on TV and the Pope in-between them retired rather than die as Pope.

I would be so upset with the choice she made never mind the lying.
I too am not a fan of performative grieving. When the Queens funeral was happening I worked in the morning for a couple of hours and got the rest of the day off. I had absolutely no interest in seeing or hearing about it. I think it's quite ghoulish to be so invested in people you don't know and who wouldn't piss on you if your were on fire.

Sorry posted twice

2 of my very close friends had a huge failing out and would not be in the same place together ie on my birthday, they wouldn’t both come so I’d have to see them separately. However when my mother died they both came to the funeral and wake. Obviously they didn’t sit together or even talk to each other but behaved impeccably and I really appreciated the fact that they both came to support me. It meant a lot.

But surely op would know the date of her mums funeral so could easily work it out?

Are you 100% sure that your DMs funeral was on the same day as the Queens? It was a bank holiday so that people could attend if they wanted. I'd make doubly sure before saying anything.

I can understand why you might feel like it changes the friendship, but I think you need to be careful here as there are few possibilities.

You might be misremembering how the days worked, like you said it’s all (understandably) a bit of a blur for you. It’s very possible that she went on a different day.

It seems unlikely to me that she managed to get time off work to see the queens lying in state, so more likely she went on a weekend or maybe after work if you’re close to
London. The only way you can clarify is to ask her.

Your friend might also have lied because honouring and grieving the queen meant a lot to her but she didn’t want to upset you at such an awful
time and has now slipped up. It doesnt sound malicious, more like she was trying to protect you and your friendship while also doing something she needed to do for herself.

I think you should speak to her and explain that you’re confused and a bit upset by it. Hopefully you’ll be able to talk it through.