Friend went to the queens funeral and not my mums

[Mayflower282]

I know it was 3 years ago, but I have just found out that my best friend (since childhood) 30+ years of friendship, went to the Queens funeral instead of my mum’s. At the time she said she had to work and couldn’t get time off. Then the other day she casually brought up the fact she was at the queens funeral.

I feel so let down. I don’t have many friends, maybe 3 close friends, and my family is really small. I feel like she prioritised someone she didn’t even know 😔

Sorry, my point was that so many people who attended my Grandfathers funeral were banging on about hers, and I was digusted by it.

FFS you are AT a funeral! Show some respect, but a lot of them didnt. The amount of times that the family heard people saying that they wanted to "get back to watch The Funeral" was appalling. As if the funeral they were at was just a warm up act.

I don’t think I’d be able to forgive that…she didn’t know the Queen, the Queen wouldn’t have gone to her funeral or supported her if she lost a loved one, it’s ridiculous

This. None of my friends went to my parents' funerals, it was family only. I wouldn't expect friends to take time off work or spend money on travel and accommodation.

Oh yes - just googled and you are right. My friend's was rescheduled and I had to change my hotel booking, but maybe that was at the request of the family. I was relieved not to have to miss watching the Queen's funeral live on television.

Did your friend actually know your mother? I didn't expect my friends to come to my family's funerals- it seems a really weird idea to me

That’s harsh not to forgive someone for not attending a birthday party that the child won’t remember.

I missed the morning of my son’s 1st birthday for a funeral actually.

I have to be honest and say I was thinking the same.

I have a couple of best friends of 20 years and I wouldn’t expect them at my mum’s funeral. They have met her a few times obv, but they aren’t close to her and I would think it would feel quite awkward for them.

Jeez that is an absolute disgrace. I wonder how many people who lost their minds at the time are now all 'oh everyone went mad when Diana died and she was no angel' and 'Those poor boys walking behind the coffin' when they say that what traumatised them was strangers weeping and crying in their faces.

but it was 3 years ago
i think it would be wrong to cut her out of your life now

The nephew wouldn't know or care and the poster can attend all his other birthdays.

This. And do you live /was your mums funeral in London or would friend have to travel to it?

I lost one of my parents earlier this year, I would have been really upset if my friend prioritised someone they didn’t know over my parent, especially if they also knew my parent too!
I had school friends I hadn’t seen for 20 years turn up and also friends who barely knew my parent because they wanted to support me, I’m sorry your friend didn’t do the same for you. Losing a parent is tough

Do you mean your mum's funeral was the first day of the Queen lying in state Wednesday 14th and your friend went on holiday Thursday 15th onwards?

Lots of people see Royal events as a source of entertainment, regardless of the occasion.
Sense of seeing history happen. Dianas was the first Royal ceremonial funeral for years.
Watch for the bands, the horses, what the Royals are wearing it the fashions, who turns up and the follow up the chat with people later.

H&M took the perceived interest in their wedding to be interest in them as individuals, and thought they could cash in on it.
They were wrong, its watching the dress, the flowers, the fashions, whos invited, the pomp and ceremony. Stuff they couldn't recreate outside the Royal family.

Oh no sorry scrap that you said she went to the Queens funeral so Monday 19th sept

Grief vampires are so annoying and pathetic.

I think that isn’t that common though, for lots of friends to prioritise the funeral of someone they aren’t that close to.

I am also surprised everyone is allowed all of this time off work tbh. I’ve worked for quite a few companies where, especially if you’re not in a fairly senior role, you’re only allowed the day off for a funeral of a family member or very close friend.

i agree, I didn’t expect the friends from 20 years ago to come but they did know my parent quite well from then and mine was the first from that friendship group to pass away.

my point being though, is the OPs friend did exactly that, they prioritised a funeral of someone they didn’t know at all over someone that they did know, even if they didn’t know the OPs mum well.
it wouldn’t be enough for me to fall out with someone over, especially 3 years down the line. I guess it’s about the lies in this instance too though

You can be buried on a bank holiday.

There are still massive backlogs and on average 1,500 funeral per day, they don't just cancel them for a jolly day off.

People may choose to postpone because other services (like catering and flowers) cancelled or because those dates are less popular with a big event overshadowing it but crematoriums and churches work full time even back holidays and sunday's.

Some religions/cultures can't even delay as burial is strictly within a set time.

Who died first?
Your mother or the Queen?
Your friend could have decided to attend the Queen's funeral before your mother died - thus she did have a prior engagement.

Maybe she technically could not take time off work for a friend's funeral but could take an extra day of holidays.
She could have been sparing your feelings at the time by not admitting to attanding the Queen's funeral.

Is she thinking she did the wrong thing, Op?
Did your friend send her condolances at the time of your mother's death, Op?

True. But the queen isn't going to know who attended her funeral either. For me the priority would be my actual family but then I don't hold the "royals" as more important.

Never talk to that friend ever again

Do you think this lady considers you as her “ best” friend? She may have a much larger circle, as such she may not have realised you wanted her there or that you would judge her for not attending.

Is this serious? People care this much about a birthday of a child who won’t even remember it?

This seems so harsh. I wouldn't expect friends to attend my parents' funerals.