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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s not my fault I have to go and get water

119 replies

Longoverduelibrarybook · 16/08/2025 11:54

Does anyone find this attitude odd

Dh off work and Dd wants him around a lot

He went to go and pay a bill this morning and forgot to get water and Vimto.
When he got home I asked about the drinks and he said he’d forgotten and would go and get them.
Dd started making a fuss saying she didn’t want him to go back out as he’d only just got in.
He said ‘It’s not my fault I have to go and get water’ to which Dd said to me ‘It’s your fault!’

I said ‘It’s nobody’s fault that we need water
and drinks for the house hold, just like when I have to go and get shopping (90% of the time it’s me)

Does anyone else find this an odd thing to say?

OP posts:
Original poster
Longoverduelibrarybook · 16/08/2025 14:01

lifeonmars100 · 16/08/2025 13:54

Are your taps broken?
Has your water been turned off?
Is your water unsafe to drink?

If the answer to all of these is "no" then you do not need bottled water

🙄 Please read the thread

OP posts:
TimeForABreak4 · 16/08/2025 14:02

Yeah he's a dick to try blame you for going for the water that he forgot and when your daughter blamed you he should have said it's not mummy's fault, we need drinks.

Original poster
Longoverduelibrarybook · 16/08/2025 14:03

drhf · 16/08/2025 13:58

Of course YANBU. Not sure why MN is being so weird about this.

Where you are, bottled water is a necessity. Sometimes people run out of necessities (even with good planning) like nappies, milk etc. Then someone has to get more urgently. Your husband forgot to do it and then whinged “it’s not my fault” rather than taking responsibility for his mistake.

It’s a loathsome Uriah Heep “ever so ‘umble” manipulative pose. He casts you as his “manager” when it suits him (it’s not my fault I can’t play with you now DD, the boss says I have to go out). But if he said “it’s not my fault” in front of his actual manager when asked why he wasn’t available for another task after failing to complete the previous one, he could expect a quick “whose fault is it then?” and probably a quick exit too. All of which he knows full well he won’t get from you.

Because you have to put your daughter first, you feel you can’t tell her the truth: “daddy made a silly mistake and now he has to fix it which means sadly he can’t play with you”. He is taking advantage of your kindness as a mother to manipulate you into making yourself the bad guy (mummy is making daddy leave me) in front of your daughter.

But you aren’t actually protecting your daughter by waving away the blame for his failures. It’s not noone’s fault. It’s his fault. And if you teach her now to make excuses for her father’s weaponised incompetence, don’t be surprised when in twenty years’ time she’s making excuses for her own partner’s weaponised incompetence, with the attendant effects on her self esteem, physical heath, career goals, enjoyment of life etc.

You’re completely right

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 16/08/2025 14:04

lifeonmars100 · 16/08/2025 13:54

Are your taps broken?
Has your water been turned off?
Is your water unsafe to drink?

If the answer to all of these is "no" then you do not need bottled water

If you’d read all of OP’s posts you’d know that where she lives tap water is not safe to drink.

KawasakiBabe · 16/08/2025 14:10

Why didn’t he just say “come with me” to your daughter? I used to love doing that with my dc, they take daft little impromptu things like that as an adventure, lol

Original poster
Longoverduelibrarybook · 16/08/2025 14:16

KawasakiBabe · 16/08/2025 14:10

Why didn’t he just say “come with me” to your daughter? I used to love doing that with my dc, they take daft little impromptu things like that as an adventure, lol

You’re right, he could have done 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
godmum56 · 16/08/2025 14:16

Longoverduelibrarybook · 16/08/2025 12:26

Everyone just buys bottled water. Some people drink tap water, it tastes awful though and I don’t trust it’s clean enough
We normally have lots in, but it’s been extremely hot so went through it all yesterday

Show quote history

if you can go through it in a day, its not lots.

momager1 · 16/08/2025 14:26

@Longoverduelibrarybook we also live in a hot climate where we all drink bottled water. ,between my husband and I and the two dogs, we go thru 5 gallons every two days. I always have one on the dispenser and 3 backups. When last backup gets opened, we have 3 three empties picked up and 3 new delivered. Do you not have delivery there for water if most people drink bottled?

Original poster
Longoverduelibrarybook · 16/08/2025 14:35

godmum56 · 16/08/2025 14:16

if you can go through it in a day, its not lots.

Show quote history

What we had left, we went through…

OP posts:
Original poster
Longoverduelibrarybook · 16/08/2025 14:37

momager1 · 16/08/2025 14:26

@Longoverduelibrarybook we also live in a hot climate where we all drink bottled water. ,between my husband and I and the two dogs, we go thru 5 gallons every two days. I always have one on the dispenser and 3 backups. When last backup gets opened, we have 3 three empties picked up and 3 new delivered. Do you not have delivery there for water if most people drink bottled?

Don’t think so..most people just go to the shop and buy it, no biggie, no emergencies or anyone dying of dehydration, it’s all good

OP posts:
Cyclingmummy1 · 16/08/2025 14:58

Don't you have your water delivered?

Zodiacrobat · 16/08/2025 15:04

Well it obviously is DH’s “fault” as he forgot in the first place. Does he often let you take the blame for his incompetence?

Original poster
Longoverduelibrarybook · 16/08/2025 15:07

Cyclingmummy1 · 16/08/2025 14:58

Don't you have your water delivered?

No….?

OP posts:
Cactiiii · 16/08/2025 15:11

People who always have enough of everything and never run out are almost certainly incredibly boring.

Sunshineismyfavourite · 16/08/2025 15:18

Sounds to me like your DH was just reacting to your DD having a whinge that he had to go out again. Perhaps I've interpreted it differently; as he is right - it's not his fault he has to go and get water. It just needs to be got! He forgot it initially so needs to go back out again. He sounds frustrated at having to go out again. I'm failing to see anymore 'more' in this. He was pissed that he'd forgotten it and that your DD moaned at him and he responded by saying it wasn't his fault that he had to go and get water. He wasn't blaming you. Unless I have missed something apart from other posters comments.

WestwardHo1 · 16/08/2025 15:21

Off point slightly but what is your country's policy on dealing with the billions of plastic bottles all this water buying produces?

It's a valid question

BerryTwister · 16/08/2025 15:22

Longoverduelibrarybook · 16/08/2025 14:37

Don’t think so..most people just go to the shop and buy it, no biggie, no emergencies or anyone dying of dehydration, it’s all good

Show quote history

To be honest OP, it seemingly is a biggie in your house, so maybe it would be worth looking at alternative strategies for ensuring there’s always water.

BerryTwister · 16/08/2025 15:26

Cactiiii · 16/08/2025 15:11

People who always have enough of everything and never run out are almost certainly incredibly boring.

@Cactiiii I moved to a rural location 20 years ago when I left my ex, when my baby was 2 weeks old. It pretty quickly became apparent that I would need to stock up on things, because being alone, with a tiny baby, in a village with no shops, was simply not going to work if I didn’t keep on top of things. I got into the habit of stocking up, and I’ve never got out of it. Can you explain why that makes me boring?

Original poster
Longoverduelibrarybook · 16/08/2025 15:28

Cactiiii · 16/08/2025 15:11

People who always have enough of everything and never run out are almost certainly incredibly boring.

😂

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 16/08/2025 15:36

Do you not have running water in your house? It's an odd thing to ask for.

If you need something urgently, try deliveroo. You can usually get things delivered in less than an hour.

Moneyworries890 · 16/08/2025 15:38

Why say it's nobody's fault? A much better reply is "silly dad forgot, he's gotta go out again because we can't be without water".

Protecting him and casting him as an infallible human to your DD will do you no favours in the long run. You'll be the bad guy and he'll be the fun one. You can shut it down easily at the age of 4, less easy at 14.

Cactiiii · 16/08/2025 15:46

BerryTwister · 16/08/2025 15:26

@Cactiiii I moved to a rural location 20 years ago when I left my ex, when my baby was 2 weeks old. It pretty quickly became apparent that I would need to stock up on things, because being alone, with a tiny baby, in a village with no shops, was simply not going to work if I didn’t keep on top of things. I got into the habit of stocking up, and I’ve never got out of it. Can you explain why that makes me boring?

Show quote history

Yawn

zingally · 16/08/2025 15:59

Kids say all sorts of random, faintly unkind shit. Whatever.

Boomer55 · 16/08/2025 16:05

BlueMum16 · 16/08/2025 12:16

So it was his fault he had to go back for water.

Why couldn't you go?

Why couldn't child go with him?

Not sure this is a big enough deal to be posting on MN.

Show quote history

This. Go and get the water yourself. 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Longoverduelibrarybook · 16/08/2025 16:05

Boomer55 · 16/08/2025 16:05

This. Go and get the water yourself. 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

Seriously

OP posts: