It’s not my fault I have to go and get water

[Longoverduelibrarybook]

Does anyone find this attitude odd

Dh off work and Dd wants him around a lot

He went to go and pay a bill this morning and forgot to get water and Vimto.
When he got home I asked about the drinks and he said he’d forgotten and would go and get them.
Dd started making a fuss saying she didn’t want him to go back out as he’d only just got in.
He said ‘It’s not my fault I have to go and get water’ to which Dd said to me ‘It’s your fault!’

I said ‘It’s nobody’s fault that we need water
and drinks for the house hold, just like when I have to go and get shopping (90% of the time it’s me)

Does anyone else find this an odd thing to say?

Can't dd just go with DHL to the shop?

Also seems abut silly to let yourselves get down to zero drinking water in hot weather. Surely you should have a decent supply at home or at least a water filter if you don't like the taste of tap water.

Well if it would save this drama being bigger than Ben Hur drinking tap water would be simple

Commenting on a thread that asks for comments is not odd...

He was dressed keys in hand she was in her pj's so you want her to stop what she is doing get dressed ready to go out all to do something her husband FORGOT to do correctly the first time?

I think mumsnet has fucking heatstroke

Go drink some water and give yourself a wobble while your at it

🙄

A lot of people cannot comprehend that when you need bottled water because tap water is not safe, sometimes most households run out of water at some point and someone just nips to the shops to get some more.
Usually in a car to get plenty of bottles.
It's not necessarily a case of topping up an existing stock at regular intervals so that you never run out.
No idea why these households are inhabited by such incompetent people, but it's one of those things.

The comments saying how can you run out of water / need better planning etc are unbelievably stupid.

Haha actually bottled water us essential for my iron. Having had several irons give up on me despite regular descaling, I now only put bottled water in. Works well. If there's not enough water for both of us, iron gets it and I drink tap water.

"The peasants are revolting: they have no water." "Then let them drink coke."

It would piss me off. It was his fault, accept the responsibility, man.

And hark all those who never run out of anything. How nice to be so perfect.

At least he didn't say 'you should have reminded me...'

My XH used to try that whenever he forgot something. I was not only supposed never to give him anything that he had to buy, but if I did I was supposed, psychically, to know that he was about to forget it, and remind him.

I feel your pain, OP. But I would have slammed down on any of the kids trying to demand who did what and whose fault it all was. Until they pay the bills, they don't get to allocate tasks.

I know 🤷🏻‍♀️ how does anyone not run out of things…that’s normal life surely

I realised you are abroad, where people pay the bills in cash in the local council or etc

Yes at the pay shop today
Tbf normally via internet banking, but couldn’t with this one

@Longoverduelibrarybook well, its my normal life.
We have had no dishwasher tablets for 3 days, this morning we almost ran out of loo roll, and milk.
But dont let anyone on mumsnet know.

Random fact for you (which you may already know!) Vimto is huge in the Middle East, especially during Ramadan, where Muslims fast from sunrise to sunset. Whole supermarket aisles full of the stuff. People drink the concentrate to break their fast, because it’s so sweet. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if the bulk of Vimto’s sales globally are made during Ramadan each year.

It’s actually not odd at all.
By saying ‘it’s not my fault’, he is putting himself in the place of the helpless victim (who has to buy water) you as the awful perpetrator (that forces him to actually participate in household tasks).

It works because he is still looking like a good person, esp in front of his dd whilst doing as little as possible. Which wouldn’t happen if he was actively refusing to do something.

Also seeing it’s a thing of his, look at strategic incompetence.
He just forgot/didn’t do it quite right etc…. So you’re either picking up the slack afterwards or simply stop asking him. Or he gets away with not playing/spending more time either way his dd because he doesn’t want to.

And you can also notice his dd reaction.
She wants to spend time with her dad. Might well not be keen of you being there. And he has to go away again because of you (see the victim/perpetrator position). So yes she now identifying you as the person responsible for her spending less time with her dad.

Me too, as a child it was only really available in the North West, the 1950s, 1960s, our cousins who had migrated darn sarf would load the boot with Vimto for their return home. I had to take a 2 litre bottle in hand-luggage to New Zealand when daughter was there! Best served with soda water and it also makes brilliant lollies, we were the talk of the avenue in the '50s, we had a fridge (!) and Mum would make Vimto ice lollies, never short of 'friends'.

It sound like he just got defensive and said it without thinking. I’d be irritated too. It is his fault he forgot and he should just say to DD that he forgot so has to go back out. Does he take responsibility for his mistakes normally?

Are your taps broken?
Has your water been turned off?
Is your water unsafe to drink?

If the answer to all of these is "no" then you do not need bottled water

God how weird!

My Dd isn’t keen on me being there?

Of course YANBU. Not sure why MN is being so weird about this.

Where you are, bottled water is a necessity. Sometimes people run out of necessities (even with good planning) like nappies, milk etc. Then someone has to get more urgently. Your husband forgot to do it and then whinged “it’s not my fault” rather than taking responsibility for his mistake.

It’s a loathsome Uriah Heep “ever so ‘umble” manipulative pose. He casts you as his “manager” when it suits him (it’s not my fault I can’t play with you now DD, the boss says I have to go out). But if he said “it’s not my fault” in front of his actual manager when asked why he wasn’t available for another task after failing to complete the previous one, he could expect a quick “whose fault is it then?” and probably a quick exit too. All of which he knows full well he won’t get from you.

Because you have to put your daughter first, you feel you can’t tell her the truth: “daddy made a silly mistake and now he has to fix it which means sadly he can’t play with you”. He is taking advantage of your kindness as a mother to manipulate you into making yourself the bad guy (mummy is making daddy leave me) in front of your daughter.

But you aren’t actually protecting your daughter by waving away the blame for his failures. It’s not noone’s fault. It’s his fault. And if you teach her now to make excuses for her father’s weaponised incompetence, don’t be surprised when in twenty years’ time she’s making excuses for her own partner’s weaponised incompetence, with the attendant effects on her self esteem, physical heath, career goals, enjoyment of life etc.

Completely right about him though!

I can only get it in one shop where we are, if they ever stop stocking it, i’m screwed 😅
From the North west originally, definitely a thing there

It’s a deeply unattractive trait that Si mang men seem to have. Manipulative, whiny, incapable.