Be honest… what sort of response do you think this prospective employer will give me?

[Uniffe]

I’ve got myself into a bit of a tangle. I’m due to start a new job at the end of sept. I desperately want the job but they will not agree to more flexible working. I am used to 80% working from home and they want 80% in the office. DD is 3 and will be four in May. I was offered the job in June and I am still in my notice period from my other job. The new job encouraged me to take time off in between… I have been reflecting and I actually don’t want to start this new job until DD is 4 in May. I feel she will be a little more independent and that I can build up to going from fully working from home to barely working at all. I also don’t want to jump into committing in winter (I’ve worked from home since 2019!).

If I ask this do you think I will get a pissed response back? I know nobody can say for sure but I feel I have to ask the question as I just can’t contemplate starting the role so soon. I have some work I can do over the next few months (self employed) to keep me going. Thoughts welcome…

The new job encouraged me to take time off in between…

How long do you reckon they had in mind?

You accepted a job knowing the terms - no you cant start the job months later unless that was agreed at the time. Nothing has happened in the meantime. You had the same child. This sort of thing stops parents being considered for roles.

Did they say how long they encouraged you to take off? Do you know their rationale for encouraging you?

I would be worried that they don’t have the headcount approval for the role anymore and are hoping to get the approval during the time you take off

I think it is a bit off to expect them to keep the job open for you for 8 months. If you really don't want to start until then you should let the new employers know asap. They will probably want to recruit someone else, you can't really blame them. What if they hung on for you until May and then you decided you really weren't ready after all?

@maudelovesharold not sure, I reckon maybe a month or two. I think they will be surprised if I suggest May. The recruitment process was long though, it took them five months to decide.

I’d seriously consider withdrawing the offer as it looks like you’re going to be a difficult employee.

people have gone to work every day, even through winter, even with children, for decades.

I doubt they meant take 8 months off!

You can’t possibly think that if you’re due to start end of September they’d let you push that back to May next year? Thats bonkers.

Surely you have childcare for your 80% WFH time so doing 80% in an office won’t be significantly different, even factoring in travel time etc?

@5foot5 yeah I guess they may just recruit again, that’s the risk I suppose. I just don’t think I can go from working from home to almost fully in an office as a single parent. It’s my own failing, I know that, but I just need a bit of time and I hate the idea of starting practically in winter when the commute will have extra challenges.

Presumably they need the role now. May is ages away. Either withdraw or start in September. I don’t think your daughter turning four will make a huge difference. 80% in the office will be just as hard next year. So either do it or don’t do it.

@FeministThrowingAPrincessParty is it worth asking though?

That’s pretty much a year after they made you the offer. I can’t think any employer would be happy to hold a role for that long, for the most gold plated employee.

I honestly think they meant like a holiday two weeks or something.
They hired you because they need you. As an employer I’d be very irritated to receive such a request. If I needed someone in May I’d not be hiring now.

Have you already asked then to revise their WFH policy for you?

did you know the age of your child before taking the job or realized this afterwords sorry you are being self entitled

You can always ask, I’m pretty sure my employer would say no and possibly withdraw the offer.

You asked for honesty

My first thought would be “Oh fuck, and this is before she’s even started”

If you want to piss them off.
I would have a really nasty taste in my mouth about you if I were to be your new boss, even after I’d refused your request.
I’d feel you have been manipulative and deceptive.

also did you know you where or going to be a single parent before accepting the job or did that information come after accepting

How did you not know about all this during the recruitment process??

It sounds like you're wasting everyone's time.

I don’t think so. Maybe a different way of framing it is would they consider a phased entry to office working e.g. 50/50 WFH/office for the first few months? So you know anyone else who works there? Is there a chance that once you get your foot in the sore you could negotiate a bit more WFH? I guess it depends how strong your negotiating position is. Do you have niche skills that are difficult to find? Generally it’s an employers market at the moment but maybe your sector is different.

I have just seen your update about being a. Single parent so apologies if my first post sounded harsh. The juggle must be extra hard in your situation. Do you have any friends or family who could pick your DD up from nursery if you got stuck?

@Uniffe how are you planning to fund the additional 6ish months off work?

There is no way they'll agree to that

They’ll think you’re an enormous time-waster and withdraw the offer.

Im a single parent to 2 and I work 100% at my office. What's the special reason you cant work 80% in the office?

Absolutely - if people are this tricky before they’re even in the door it doesn’t get better.