Be honest… what sort of response do you think this prospective employer will give me?

[Uniffe]

I’ve got myself into a bit of a tangle. I’m due to start a new job at the end of sept. I desperately want the job but they will not agree to more flexible working. I am used to 80% working from home and they want 80% in the office. DD is 3 and will be four in May. I was offered the job in June and I am still in my notice period from my other job. The new job encouraged me to take time off in between… I have been reflecting and I actually don’t want to start this new job until DD is 4 in May. I feel she will be a little more independent and that I can build up to going from fully working from home to barely working at all. I also don’t want to jump into committing in winter (I’ve worked from home since 2019!).

If I ask this do you think I will get a pissed response back? I know nobody can say for sure but I feel I have to ask the question as I just can’t contemplate starting the role so soon. I have some work I can do over the next few months (self employed) to keep me going. Thoughts welcome…

Also, to add: in my organisation, even if we wanted to agree to this, it wouldn’t be possible within the recruitment rules. The role could not be held for that period of time & would have to be re advertised.

Honestly, take it step by step. You may find it works better than you think eg the commute offers a bit of headspace for you that you don’t have at present and so on. At least try it.

My friend works in recruitment, and she said that the biggest problem now is people accepting a job, knowing the terms, then expecting them to be changed for them once they start.

This is what I'm observing in my workplace.

If I was the employer in this case, I would be pretty irritated and would be fully anticipating that you might well not take up the role in May or - if you did - would be constantly trying to push back against being in the office. I would want to rescind the offer.

You should be honest with yourself about whether you are cut out for a job with a workplace given that you don't seem able to contemplate commuting in the winter (something that millions of people in the UK manage every year).

They aren't going to agree to that. Just accept you will lose the job and move on. Doesn't really sound like you will stick it anyway so best to find a 100% wfh job. Many are now going back to 3-4 days in the office so you may have to accept you won't find what you want easily.

Yeah, I was trying not to think the same thing. And failing.

This.

I don't blame you. I've wfh for nearly 7 years and the thought of a long commute is horrific now. But you shouldn't have accepted the role knowing it wasn't suitable, and I think realistically you've known all along you don't want it.

Yeah I don't think they are going to wear you wanting to take eight months off. I think they probably thought one or two maximum. There will be a reason they want someone now and notwithstanding the long notice period if you try to delay by the best part of a year they will probably conclude it's not worth the bother.

I do understand that going back to FT office work seems a big step when you're used to largely working remotely but you'll get used to it.

I was 100% office based and DD in FT childcare from the age of one. It wasn't what I'd have chosen but it worked and she got used to it. There will be an adjustment period but it will be OK.

My assumption would be that you don’t particularly want this job and are still interviewing for jobs you like the look of more, and want to delay your start date with us while you see if you are appointed anywhere else instead. But want to hold onto the job offer with us as “insurance”.

So I’d withdraw the job offer and readvertise, on the assumption you’d probably be pulling out in a month or two anyway.

Should you ask them? Depends on how much you care about burning a bridge really. It would be quicker and less messy to just say your circumstances have changed and pull out. They aren’t going to agree to it.

Start or dont start but don’t ask to delay your start date by more than 2 weeks. They will definitely withdraw the offer and best case you have just burned a bridge with one employer but worst case you will be talked about and damage your reputation in the whole sector!

You do seem naive about normal business practice though. You want to delay your start date into a different financial year to the one in which the job was offered and don’t think that will influence whether the role will still exist?

You also think they will be happy not to have anyone in the role for nearly a year but that the role is still essential for them? Or that they will hire someone on a temp basis for 8 months and not be tempted to keep them in the role permanently if they are good rather than keep the role open for you who they don’t know yet (before you start they only have to give you one week’s notice of withdrawal of the offer).

if you don’t want this one, fine. But you have wasted your own and their time by applying for it and have also handed in your notice at your existing role so why did you do all that?

My husband and many people like him leave the house at 6am to work outside in a physical job every day in all weathers - and you don't want to commute to an office job in winter!

I'd put you down to being a tricky employee who will be phoning in sick a lot.

Do the right thing. Admit you can't do the job and turn down the offer right now so you don't waste any more of their time. What on earth made you apply let alone accept the job?! I would 100% withdraw an offer.

"How you feel" is perfectly valid, Uniffe - it's just that, realistically, a prospective employer who doesn't even know you won't be interested

Their interest lies in getting someone who'll be committed to the job and actually BE there, and since it's clear that's not something you can offer I see no point in continuing this

It's possible they'll think you a timewaster, but you'll never have to see them again and better that than endless angst further down the line when you realised it just wasn't working out

What "extra challenges" does commuting in winter have?! I (and millions of others) have commuted into a city centre for almost 20 years and the only things that change are that it's colder, wetter and occasionally it snows...?

If you are in a field or area where reputation matters even a little bit, don’t ask for the beginning of the year either. It’s so out of touch to ask that it would be the kind of thing that people would comment on to others, and word gets around. I would imagine you could never apply to this organisation again so I would also bear that in mind if they are a major employer in your field or town.
Sucking up stuff you don’t want to do is jus adulthood, unfortunately.

Nothing has changed since you accepted the job. Your redefined expectations would be a serious red flag to me as your prospective employer and I would therefore withdraw the offer.

I think they would say fuck me we’ve a right sort here!

What childcare do you currently use? You don’t have your child there when you’re working do you?

If you’re worried about weather then surely September is better than a January start? That’s only a couple of weeks away and September can still be pretty lovely. January is almost never lovely though - much more risk of snow, ice and a disrupted commute!

As the employer I'd be very pissed off and would look into rescinding the offer. Not just for the dithering but also because it's clear you don't want an office-based job and aren't going to be around long.

your daughter will have to be in childcare at ages 3 or 4. What difference does a few months make ?

I wouldn’t, you need to just get on with it, like if you asked me that I’d withdraw the offer. You agreed to this job and they hired you in good faith, no you’re wanting to change it!

Personally Id start the job, work around the issues for a few weeks and then have a conversation with your line manager. You may observe that one day very few people are in , or that the people who you need to interact with are not in. So you could ask if you could have flexibility on those days. Far easier to have the conversation once you have the lay of the land.
Having said that if you literally can't do 80pc at all then you need to withdraw. Will your current job keep you on?

My response would amount to a politer version of 'Either shit or get off the pot'. You'd be massively taking the piss to ask to start EIGHT MONTHS later than you agreed.

What the hell?? Why did you even accept a job you don’t want? They obviously need a job filled and you’re definitely not it. Just withdraw and let them find someone who wants to y’know, do the job and set foot outside sometimes.

Sorry but my only thought here is ‘fucking hell’.

Also, September is hardly winter.

Can’t believe I was worried about asking my new employer if I could work 8-4 instead of 9-5.

Withdraw from the job or start when agreed. I really don’t understand why you think companies employ people they don’t need straight away?

Assuming your daughters in an 8-6 nursery, if you were considering starting a new office based job, id start it ASAP.

Having kids at school, I feel like I'm forever asking for time to get to the open afternoon, parent's evenings, the nativity, meet the teacher day, get the kids home and fed before the school disco etc etc.

In my experience, private/childcare nursery (as opposed to a termtime school nursery) is actually much more compatible with having a job than school is. It may be better to get the "I'm a reliable worker" credits built up for a year before your daughter starts school and you suddenly find yourself needing an additional day WFH to get to whichever school event is on that week.... (I reckon there's an average of one event per month for us that needs an adult to pop into school, though not evenly spread though the year. Plus school holiday juggling when the holiday clubs are even shorter than the school day...).